


Zero Pain

by Daerwyn



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Anger Management, Car Accident, Coma, Excessive Cursing, F/M, Family Issues, Relationship Issues, Sexaholic, anger issues, relationship management, self-depreciation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-20
Updated: 2015-11-25
Packaged: 2018-04-27 05:56:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 47,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5036407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daerwyn/pseuds/Daerwyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jake's wedding calls for Bella to head on back to Forks. Being Angela's Maid of Honor, she has to arrive a little earlier than normal. Her behavior has changed since her days in Forks. With her frequent arguments with frenemy Paul Lahote, she learns that the pack has a few more secrets than she bargained for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The air in Florida smelt different than Washington. She thought the same thing every morning, when she took her first breath of the day. She didn't know why she always immediately thought of Washington. She had escaped from the rainy town from the moment she graduated. She wanted out. 

She had apologized to her father, three years ago, for leaving. Once Jacob Black, her childhood friend, and only person she could rely on, had imprinted on Angela Webber... Bella knew she didn't belong anymore. So she moved in with her mother, Renee, and her step-father, Phil Dwyer. They were good people, Bella knew that, even if they behaved a little younger than their years should allow them.

Saying goodbye to Jake had been hard. They talked, occasionally. She would call Billy or Jake once a month and talk to whoever was available - which happened to be the entire wolf pack on some occasions. There was fighting over the phone, exclamations as they wanted food.

Jake, who still called her Hells Bells after she told him she got a tattoo for her twentieth birthday. Sam, who would keep her updated on any activity in the area. Seth, who just wanted to tell her about his current girlfriend (which changed every phone call). Leah, who was feeling more friendly to Bella, after three long years of awkward forced phone calls. Emily, who had a child only a few months ago and happily told Bella the joys of motherhood. Billy, who was still going strong. Jared, who was in his newlywed phase. And then Paul... Their conversations were short, no matter how polite she was to him. She had even been a bitch to him, but he still... the conversation always ended abruptly.

So when he called her just as the semester between her junior year of college and her senior year ended, she didn't know if she should have reacted hostile, worried, or... or surprised. But thoughts immediately flew to Charlie and she decided worried was best.

"What's wrong?" she answered, placing the phone on speaker as she turned her car towards her apartment complex.

"What makes you think something's wrong? Maybe I want to talk to the pale face."

Bella rolled her eyes. "Paul, honey, you wouldn't call me, even if your house was on fire and no one else was around. What's wrong? Is Charlie... He's okay, right?"

"Shit, Bella, I can't just call to tell you good news?" Paul demanded, huffing. Anger, she knew he had an issue with it.

"Well considering the last time you called me, it was about how Charlie was having chest pains and he was in the hospital, yeah, I'd say that's the only reason you call," Bella informed him shortly. "So what is it, if it's not bad?"

"Jake's getting married to Ange." There was a second of silence. Bella wasn't too surprised. She knew it was only a matter of time. With the imprint, they were already soul mates. "Angela wants you to be her Maid of Honor." That was a surprise.

"Really? But we haven't even seen each other..." Bella cleared her throat. "That's awesome. Tell them I said congratulations and tell Angela I'd love to."

"Yeah, okay."

"When is the wedding?"

"Uh... next month?"

Bella blinked, parking her car. "What?"

"Well, they sort of got engaged a while ago, but I kept pushing back calling you."

"But my dress-"

"Just call her, Swan. I really don't care."

"Wait, am I allowed to bring people?" Bella rushed out, thinking of the girls that were in the apartment at the very same moment she was in the parking lot talking to the guy that was pretty stiff with the leech lover.

He growled. "Who?"

"Stephanie and Hayley... They're my roommates. Steph's my step-cousin or something... but I just want to ask if that'd be okay."

"Yeah, whatever."

"Your consent doesn't mean it's Jake and Angela's consent," Bella snapped. "If you could please ask?" She got out of her car, slamming it shut behind her as she moved towards the front door. She nearly groaned when she saw the freaky freshman feeder looking her up and down in a not nearly as sexy way as he hoped.

"Hey, Bella."

She huffed and held the phone away from her face as she walked around the creep. "Hi, Kevin."

"Drinks later on?"

"No, Kevin." She tried desperately to keep the annoyed tone from showing. She put the phone back up to her ear, exhaling as she climbed the stairs. "Look, Paul, just... please ask?"

"Who's that?"

"Just some creep that lives in the same building as me," Bella sighed. "If you don't want to ask, I can call Angela myself-"

"Yeah, I'll ask. Do you want me to call you back?"

"You want to call me back?"

"Sam's being an ass, and he's being an ass to me," Paul said bitterly. "So it's either run patrols with him or talk to the pale-faced leech lover."

"Whatever. I need to make sure Stephanie's not sticking her tongue down Boyfriend's throat-"

As the door opened, and Stephanie heard this, the girl let out a laugh. "Sorry, Bells. Not a chance."

"Bye-" Bella began to say, but the sounds of a dial tone reached her ears. Huh. She threw the phone on the counter, spotting Stephanie's boyfriend, who everyone called Boyfriend, sniffling. Sick. Wonderful.

"He's got the flu."

"And he's here?" Bella demanded. Hayley was in her room, a note saying she was quarantined from the plague, so she wouldn't get sick. Her interview at Sea World was in a few days and she didn't want to be dying for it.

"So, who was that on the phone?"

"Ugh, Paul," Bella sighed, sitting on the kitchen counter, watching as Stephanie rubbed Boyfriend's head, resting in her lap. "I've been invited to Jake's wedding, so he's checking to see if I can bring you and Hayley... Not you, Boyf, sorry."

"Don't worry about it," Boyf muttered, his voice congested. Wonderful. Almost immediately, her phone started to ring and she answered it, not even glancing at the ID.

"Hello?"

"They said yes." His voice was gruff, as though he was puffing out some anger.

"You okay?"

"Peachy-" And the phone on his end slammed into the receiver, cutting their conversation off. She winced, pulling the phone away from her. Whatever upset him sure wasn't going to make for a pretty Paul. Her phone rang again and this time, her ID said it was still the Lahote house.

"Look, Paul, the more you call me the less they'll stop bugging you to be civil," Bella snapped into the phone. "It's rather rude, you know, to hang up on someone, twice now-"

"Yeah, like I said, we're working on the anger," a very different voice said.

"Jake!" Bella said in surprise. "Sorry, my ID said- Anyway, congrats. I've heard the great news."

"I was kind of surprised it took him this long to tell you," Jake admitted. "But if it would have gone longer than it has, we would have told you ourselves. Therapy's not working for him, I don't think. Sam's trying."

"Well, I guess trying's what counts." Bella moved towards her bedroom, shutting it behind her for privacy. "So, what was it this time? Burnt hot dog? Oh, let me guess, a pinch of sand in his sandwich?"

"Unfortunately, no. It had something to do with this girl he's interested in," Jake said simply. Bella felt her eyebrow lift in surprise. Paul actually honestly liked a girl? As something more than a sexual object? It was a miracle. "That's all Sam said, anyway. Paul phased so Sam's trying to calm him down. Apparently, alpha orders to call you only work so well."

"And me being the leechlover, that probably really doesn't help," Bella admitted. "So... when do I need to get there?"

"Ange's starting to panic. So... the earlier the better, really. When's best for you?"

"Well... it's summer, so I don't have any classes," Bella admitted. "And my boss was a dick so I quit. I'm free, so anytime really."

"Can you get here next week? Because Angela is starting to turn into the bridezilla that dad always warned me about and she needs someone that won't phase on her to... well, to calm her down."

"Consider us there... and thanks for letting my friends come-"

"Yeah, no problem. Just... I think it's a good idea not to bring your boyfriend."

"My boyfriend?" Bella asked, confused. "I don't have a boyfriend. Stephanie does, though, but he's ... well, more of a friend with benefits. Otherwise, no boyfriends in my apartment." She paused. "Where did you get the idea I had a boyfriend?"

"Oh... Paul was just saying how you were making sure your friend wasn't kissing your boyfriend."

"Oh, we call him Boyfriend, but he's... anyway, no I'm single. I definitely would have told you if I had a boyfriend, Jake. Come on, you're only my absolute best friend in the world."

"I was almost hoping you'd gotten over Cullen."

Bella paused, quiet. "It'll always hurt, but... I'm not hung up over him. He was bad for me. We all know that. Besides, wolves are a man's best friend. Why would I choose a leech over a wolf? If anything, I'm intending on wrangling one of the boys into bed."

Jake laughed, and it was a sound Bella found comfort in. God, she loved Jake so much. "I'm sure all of the boys will love to hear that."

"I hope so too." She glanced towards her bedroom door. "Will I need to find a place to crash, or is the house open?"

"It's open. Ang and I have it blocked off, for anyone that stops by for the wedding." Bella sighed in relief. There would have been no way she could have afforded a hotel for a month. "So-"

"We're going to drive, so I'll be up there in... maybe four days?"

"You're driving?" Jake asked, surprise. "Are you sure that's a good idea? I mean... Victoria and-"

"Flying is way too expensive," Bella admitted. "And I'd rather have my car to take the girls out and go see friends." Bella sighed and flopped back on her bed. "I miss you so fucking much, Jake... I wish I could stay there, but..."

"Bad memories, yeah. We know. And the pack understands. You need space. And college will be good for you, right? I mean, you're finding yourself without that dickwad."

Bella snorted. "Believe me, it's been liberating. Did you know that I'm pretty sure I invented new sex pos-"

"Lalalala!" Jake cried suddenly, cutting her off. She let out a peal of laughter, turning onto her side.

"Stop trying to ask about my romantic life. You aren't subtle, Jake." Bella listened to him chuckling for a minute, closing her eyes. She missed him. She missed all of them, even dickhead Paul. "How is everyone? I mean, really?"

"Charlie and Sue are a bit romantic... all the time. Leah moved out because she didn't want to walk in on them for the eighth time." Gross. "Seth imprinted-"

"Really?" Bella cried. "Why didn't you guys tell me? On who? Do I know them?"

"Nah, some girl in his Health class. Her name's Sarah. Sweet, a bit odd, but good for him, ya know?" She knew the type. Angela was the same way for Jake. "And everyone else is the same. Paul throws shit-fits every day, Sam and Emily are wrestling their own little pack, and Claire is already declaring she's going to marry Quil."

"At least she knows where her heart is," Bella admitted. "And Jared and Kim?"

"He's about ready to pop the question," Jake admitted. Everyone was growing up.

"Goodness... You're only twenty. At this rate, I'm going to be the spinster of the group. Do I need to find someone serious to fit in, because I might be the only one single at this rate. Even Paul's got someone."

Jake just laughed. "I think showing up single will be best. The twins are single. And Paul is still single, even though he likes that girl. That's enough for you and your friends, right?"

Enough? She liked the sound of it. "I do get dibs on Paul, right? Leech lover be damned, he is probably the hottest of the pack, Jake. And I don't want Steph or Hailey on that-"

"I'll be sure to let him know," Jake seemed to grin.

"Please do," Bella smiled. Glancing at her clock, she sighed. "I've got to go make dinner. I'll call you tomorrow... I think I'm going to head out tomorrow. Maybe Boyfriend will eat all of our food for us-"

"See, when you say it like that, it makes it sound like your boyfriend."

"I assure you, I'm not interested in that," Bella snorted. "I'll see you later, Jake. And tell Paul to stop being a dick. No girl wants a dick."

"I'm pretty sure that's all you want him for-"

"You know what I mean!" Bella cried. "Jake!" But she giggled. "I miss you."

"Miss you too, loca. Call me when you get close, then, and we'll get you all situated."

Bella heard more sneezing in the living room. "Yeah, because that's what the heavy lifters are for." She hesitated. "You won't really tell Paul that, though, right? Because it'd just make things even worse between us."

"You're kidding me, right? Of course not."

"Good." She listened to the sneezing of Boyfriend again. God, she prayed she wouldn't get sick before the wedding. "Good," she repeated quietly. The last thing she needed was even more tense atmosphere between her and Paul. The pack were basically forcing him just to be civil with her for five minutes every time they talked. When Jake had to go to get Paul some clothing, Bella took her chances and moved towards the hall, peaking her head around to see Stephanie. "Hey, so how do you feel about a roadtrip to Washington?" Stephanie glanced up as Boyfriend groaned.

"Really? Never been."

"My best friends are getting married and they said I can bring you and Hayley. If you want, that is," Bella continued. "But I'm going to be leaving tomorrow night, I think. It's a long drive, but we've got a beach house to stay in and Charlie and all them."

"Yeah, count me in, too. I haven't met your other side of the family." There really was just Charlie, family-wise. And then his girlfriend of a few years, Sue. The people in the house hadn't met Stephanie since Renee and Phil's wedding nearly seven years ago, now. And they had all really grown up since then. So, Bella just nodded and left the two contaminated members of the apartment to themselves as she quickly ducked back into her room, breathing normally.

A brief moment of wry amusement crossed her mind. Is this what it was like when the leeches were near her? They acted like she was a disease they would catch if they breathed too deeply? Though, Bella, supposed in all actuality, she would still likely get sick in the car ride to Washington.

Just as the Cullens had still hurt her beyond repair.


	2. Body Warmer

Pulling into La Push was not disappointing. The sound of the lone car approaching on an otherwise desolate road, when Jake knew she was about a half hour out, a half hour ago, meant that their arrival was announced. That is, if they weren’t able to hear the coughing and sneezing the entire trip there already.

A few members of the pack were waiting at the front door of Jake’s house, and Bella, despite her sniffles, grinned at the sight, giving a wave as she pulled in beside Jake’s Rabbit.

“Oh, they're even hotter than those pictures,” Stephanie insisted. Bella knew that they could no doubt hear her.

“I know, Steph. I know. Believe me, wait until they’re all together. It’s a hundred times-“ a sneeze interrupted her, “-better.”

“I’m going to wait here a second. I think I’m going to sneeze something deadly.” Right. That was the moment Bella was hopping out of the car.

“Bells!” Jake cried, surging forward. She warded away his hug as she felt a sneeze coming on and released it into the crook of her arm.

“Sorry,” she sniffled, pulling a tissue from her pocket. "Boyfriend had the flue and now we're all sick.” She sneezed again. “I think I'm still contageous.”

"Ah, but we’re too hot to get sick,” Jake winked. Bella let him hug her anyway, and she gave a loud sigh at his warmth, feeling amazing for her chills and aching limbs. “Good to see ya, Bells.”

"You too, Jake,” Bella admitted.

Jake’s gaze flitted to the car. "I thought you were bringing another?”

"Hayley is going to fly to Seattle once her interview with Sea World's over. But Stephanie's in the car. Doesn't want to contaminate you guys either."

Stephanie waved at them before sneezing herself. They had been sick as a dog and Bella blamed Stephanie for it. Blamed Boyfriend, but mostly Stephanie for hanging around him in the first place.

"Boyfriend?" Angela asked in surprise. Bella glanced to her, not seeing her over the muscled men. She was standing her distance, no doubt not wanting to get sick. Bella didn’t blame her. With the wedding less than a moth away, getting sick was last in the books.

"Her friends with benefits," Bella explained, waving it away as if it was nothing. She surveyed the men that were entirely shirtless, and grinned. "I'm going to like it here a lot more than before, Jake, I will tell you that much."

"But first some of Sue's soup, kiddo," Jake decided, ruffling her hair. Bella sighed in absolute delight. "Tell your friend to get out. It's only about a block from here."

“I’d rather drive," Bella admitted. “My legs hurt.”

“Suit yourself. You know how to get there?” Bella vaguely remembered, but gave Jake a reassuring nod anyway.

“I promise my greeting will be a lot warmer once I'm not feeling like I'm dying,” Bella insisted.

Charlie was at the diner when she pulled in, and Sue was already informed of the arrival, because the soup was already ready. Bella held her breath as she embraced her dad, and then his girlfriend. “Good to see you, kiddo,” Charlie grinned.

“You too, dad,” Bella returned. “It's been forever, hasn't it?” But even he had stepped back a bit to keep from breathing in her air. “Ugh, I know, Stephanie got me sick.”

“Stephanie!” Charlie embraced the girl that he considered his step-daughter. “Nice to see you all so grown up.”

“You too, Charlie. All grown up with a girlfriend,” Steph grinned before she jerked away from him to sneeze. She groaned. “Sorry.”

“Let's get some soup for you, kiddos.”

Even more of the pack was gathered around the bar area, and Bella and Steph slid into the booth across from it, two steaming bowls sitting there ready to be eaten. Each sip was heaven and Bella sighed as she finished it. “Sue's really still got her cooking game.”

“She sure does,” Charlie agreed. “Makes sure I don't starve.”

“I was worried you might,” Bella admitted as she rested her head on her hand.

“Well, I'd love to stay but I've got the nightshift tonight, Bells. I'll see you in the morning. I hope you're feeling better.”

Bella gave a nod to her dad, not wanting him to get too close for fear of too much contamination. “Yeah, I'll see you, dad. Bye.”

Once Charlie was gone, her stomach felt like it was doing flips.

"I might be dying," Bella groaned, curling up on her side in the booth, not minding that Jake was laughing at her and the rest of the pack was watching her as well. "How far of a drive is it to the house from here?"

"Less than a minute, if you take the back road."

That was comforting, but it still meant she had to walk to get to the car, and then inside. She groaned again and uncurled an arm to reach for the steaming coffee on the table. "Fuck this... Can I inherit some of your genes so I'm never sick?"

"I don't think you can change that once you're already born," Jake said carefully.

"Screw all of you," she muttered.

"While I'd love to," Embry spoke up, "I've got patrols so... see ya." She couldn't help but laugh when him and Quil got up, leaving to head out on patrols. Which meant Paul and Seth were coming back from them. She didn't know if she should be elated Seth was joining them, or dreading the fact Paul would be as well.

She decided to go for neutral territory. "Can someone please be a heating ... pad? Body? I don't care... I have the chills now."

"You're pathetic." Ah, and the Lahote whore had arrived. She groaned, hearing Stephanie give a sigh as she sipped from some steaming drink. Bella didn't really care what it was. She sipped her own coffee, but it didn't help much. "Leech lover-"

"Shhh," Bella murmured, hugging the drink closer to her. "Please... everyone just stop talking at once."

"Uh... Bella, no one was talking but Paul."

"Paul.... stop talking," Bella murmured. She sighed and waited a moment as the shop was silent, before opening her eyes. She yelped and banged her knee on the table when she found Paul's feet in front of her face. His bare, muddy feet. "You're disgusting!" But she felt ill all of the sudden. "Oh, no... Steph, did Boyfriend get sick?"

"For like a whole day," Steph sighed, leaning on the table as she sipped from her tea again. "Boyfriend pretty much couldn't hold anything down but water."

Ugh. "I think I'm going to be sick." She barely managed to make it out of the booth before she sprinted towards the bathroom, and promptly got sick. She barely registered it was the mens room. Quite frankly, it didn't matter, as long as there was a toilet. Or any other functioning system with a drain.

But vomiting made her feel so much better… And when she managed to walk out into the sitting area again, she wrinkled her nose. “Your concern, mutt, is worrying. Stop that.” Paul had been looking like he was going to go into the bathroom after her. His grip on the table tightened with her words though, as if holding back his anger. “What they say about Men's rooms are true. Really filthy.” She sat down on the booth, and shoved away Paul's muddy feet with her own. Her head dropped back.

“So, how long have you been sick?” Sam asked curiously.

“Well, we left four days ago, so three and a half days,” Bella muttered, her eyes closing.

“So it's almost over then!” Jake said helpfully. “Maybe you'll wake up tomorrow feeling brand new.”

“Doubt it,” Stephanie sighed. “I'm sorry I got us into this shit, Bella.”

“Hey, I got us into that car. That was a miracle in itself,” Bella sighed.

“Yeah, but Boyfriend always gets sick.”

“And Boyfriend's always around the house to fuck you. I mean, you win and you lose. I told you he was a parasite.” Bella didn't need to open her eyes to know that the wolves were snickering at the choice of words. “Not that kind of parasite, you brats.”

“He leaves the worst hickies,” Steph groaned. “And catches every single disease he comes in contact with. I don't think there are many different types of parasites out there. He's definitely a parasite.”

"I need a heating body to keep the chills away," Bella groaned, her eyes squeezed shut. So she missed the silent war raging as the wolves all glared at each other, daring them to take the spot along side a sick Bella. "Paul... will you be my heating pad, and then we never have to see each other until the wedding? I think that fills Sam's monthly quota for the year in a few hours..." She opened her eyes to see his jaw had dropped and he seemed stunned by her request. "Besides, I don't trust the others to keep me from being taken advantage of in my delirious state. At least I know you won't fuck the leech lover."

“Is there a story behind that nickname?” Stephanie asked.

“This one time, while I was swimming in this shabby creek, I got a few leeches. No big deal. But this twat decided that I wouldn't live it down.” Bella's excuse was lame, even to her own ears, but Steph groaned as her stomach seemed to get queasy too. Paul didn't slide out of the booth to let her out. He was still staring at Bella, a faint growl coming from him.

Bella squeezed her eyes shut, falling forward until her cheek rested on the table. "I'll love you forever and ever," Bella promised in a sigh. “And we won't have to see each other until the wedding-”

"Fine, but if you sneeze on me, I will leave so fucking fast-"

"No promises," Bella muttered.

So it was decided that the girls needed to go back to the house and rest, so that they could get as well as possible. And so Bella led Steph back to the truck, their steps slow as they tried not to move too fast, and Paul gave a growl. “Give me your fucking keys. I'll drive.”

“You could say please,” Steph muttered. But Bella gave him the keys and Steph curled up on the backseat, not bothering to buckle in. Bella sat up front, and tried to shove a few of the disgarded tissues in the back.

“A bit messy. We didn't stop much. And we just kept buying tissues.”

“You look like shit. No wonder.”

The Swan Beach House was what Charlie and Sue's new home was called. After Sue sold her old house, plagued by the memories of Harry, she had bought the Beach House with his life insurance policy. And after dating Charlie for a year, they had moved in together. Bella had only seen pictures of it, in emails and texts. So when they pulled up to it, Bella was a bit taken away. It was nice.

Really nice.

“First floor is for you guys. Charlie and Sue live in a sort of suite upstairs,” Paul muttered under his breath as he turned off the car. “Out, Swan.”

“I need to get my stuff-”

“Just get in the house.”

“Maybe I should have gotten a heating body that didn't talk,” Bella muttered.

The trunk opened as Bella fished the key from under the mat, and as she opened the door, Stephanie went in to claim her room. Bella glanced back to see Paul fishing out two large suitcases and carrying them with ease to the door. “Get inside and never mention this, or I won't do it again.”

“I didn't think you wanted to do it again.”

Paul huffed in anger, and Bella rolled her eyes, but sat on the couch, letting him take the bags wherever he wanted to. Stephanie disappeared into one of the bedrooms. When Paul returned, he fell onto the couch and leaned back casually, his arm stretched out on the back of it. “Your pale friend is already snoring.”

“Yeah, that's why she's in the farthest room. She gets loud.” Bella reached for the decorative box of tissues, and put them on her lap before she scooted closer to Paul, and as soon as their skin touched, she sighed quietly at the scorching heat. He was so warm. She swore he was warmer than the others. She felt like she was on fire whenever they touched – be it a slap to his face or this. And he didn't jerk back, but he did stiffen slightly. "Fuck, I don't owe you anything," Bella murmured, closing her eyes to the warmth he offered. She pressed her cheek to his bare chest, sniffling in disdain. Good God, could she please get over this quickly. She didn't want to be sick while she was here. That would ruin everything.

"I think you do."

Bella sighed, choosing not to reply as Paul stretched out under her, on the sofa. After long, she drifted off and settled more comfortably into his side. Paul stared at the ceiling, willing his breathing to stay even. Fucking hell, this was worse than Sam's anger tests. The woman that loathed him, and he hated her, was laying across him, and he couldn't react the way his body was trying to. No. He would not lust after the leech-lover. He did not want sloppy seconds of the fucking mosquito.

He began to count tiles, picturing Sue naked. That would be better. And it was working, sort of. Until Bella's arm snaked around his waist and her skin felt too hot, even to him. Hot and her small hands... Fuck.

He growled, moving her hand off of him, but it only went back to its location and he gave up, his fingers gripping the rail of the sofa. He couldn't phase. He couldn't phase.

He would hurt her.

The thought made him calm down almost immediately. He never wanted to do what Sam had done to Emily. He never wanted that for anyone. The stares, the whispers. Emily cried about it all the time, at least she did in the beginning. And Paul would uncomfortably stand there, unsure what to do. He didn't deal with the emotions of women. He fucked and left. That was always his rule. He never got emotionally attached. And he never let them get emotionally attached either.

He never slept with a girl that had a crush on him, he never slept with a girl that wrote flirty letters to him. No, he went out to the bars, found a girl that was interested in him for a night only, and that was it.

"Paul...?" Fuck, was she still awake? "Stop growling... you're vibrating." And fuck him, the growling stopped. He didn't even know he was still doing it. There was a thin sheet of sweat on her, but she didn't seem bothered by the heat. In fact, she looked like she enjoyed it. He hated how his wolf listened to her. Like he was some puppy. He hated it, and he hated her.

"Paul!" Bella snapped, her eyes opening, and she leaned back slightly. "Growl at a tree later, seriously, but you agreed to be my bitch for a few hours, so please..." She sighed and Paul glanced at her to see she looked tired. Fucking tired. Fuck him. He was screwed. "If you don't want to do this, I'll ask Seth or something..."

Fuck, fuck, fuck... He needed to fix this. Why was he panicking to fix this? He wanted to leave. But she didn't. Fuck. "No, I was just thinking about something from patrols. Jared's a little shit." Bella didn't believe him. "How is this comfortable? Wouldn't you rather be in like... I don't fucking know, pajamas or something?"

She glanced down at her jeans and t-shirt. No wonder she was sweating. She could feel it clinging to her shirt and skin. "I don't think I have enough energy to actually climb to my room and change," she admitted. "So... this will do."

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Paul muttered. "I'm not doing this if you're in jeans. It's annoying as fuck. Let's go." He stood swiftly and then bent down, grabbing her just as quickly.

"Hey!" Bella cried. "Paul!"

"This is only happening once, so you better remember this," Paul warned. He carried her through the room and deposited her in the bedroom that was hers, and then went towards her suitcase, unzipping it harshly and grabbing the pajamas laying on top. "Change."

She huffed, falling on the bed and slid her jeans and t-shirt off, before she tugged on the cotton shorts and the tank top. She didn't even seem to care that she was changing in front of him. It wasn't like she didn't cliff dive with the pack in a bikini before. Fuck, now he couldn't get the image out of his head. Long legs. He always thought she would be short, stubby. But no, they were long. And lean. And fuck... Why did God hate him?

"Better?" she huffed, and then she sneezed. He made a plea to anyone that would listen that they'd keep him from strangling her.

"Get in the bed."

"I'm not fucking you tonight, Paul," Bella said in a warning tone, but the effect was lost as she sneezed again.

"I prefer women that don't sneeze on me in the process, thanks," Paul snapped back. "Get in the bed."

Bella eyed the dark blue bed that was laid in front of massive bay windows looking over the beach. "Fine." She crawled under the covers and Paul made sure she was going to stay where she was before he made the stupidest decision of his life. He approached the bed and crawled into the other side, aware she was watching him.

"Now, is this more comfortable?"

"You don't seem like a snuggling guy," Bella said, and there was a bit of humor in her voice. She stared at him a moment, before she moved closer under the covers. But she still wasn't as close as they were on the couch.

"I'm fucking not so get over here and stop complaining."

"I'm not complaining," Bella smirked. Paul resumed staring at the ceiling, picturing Sue or any other old lady he could think of, naked. It wasn't working very well when her arm wrapped around his middle again and he let out a puff of air. "Is this okay?" she questioned after a second of him holding his breath. Paul waited a minute before answering.

He didn't trust his voice to not sound like a puberty-driven teen. "Fine."

He couldn't do this. What the fuck had he been thinking? Oh, that's right he hadn't been. He had jumped at the chance because his wolf was a pansy. Because she had asked specifically for him.

"Paul?"

"What?" he bit out.

"Thank you."

The anger dissipated with the two words, spoken so sincerely that he could have sworn he melted into the mattress. Fuck. He was so screwed. "No problem," he muttered under his breath.

"And Paul?"

"Did you want someone to talk to, because you picked the wrong person."

"I hope that the girl you like likes you back," Bella said quietly. He tensed. What? "Jake told me that was why you hung up on me last we talked... I just... I have my doubts, but moments like this I think you deserve her."

She liked this. She liked moments like this. Paul hated this. He absolutely hated times like this. This was sappy, this was romantic. He didn't do them. "Yeah," Paul sighed, not showing his inner battle. "Me too."

"How conceited," she giggled. Fucking giggled against him. Sue wasn't working anymore. He had to think of someone else. That old hag that worked in the gas station... Yeah, that would be perfect.

"Fuck off."

She quieted and Paul was sure she was asleep this time, as her breathing was shallow and her heart rate had slowed considerably. She was a mouth breather. Fucking great. He hoped it was only because she was sick. He hated mouth breathing. And with each breath she took, he could hear how congested she was. Fuck.

He carefully reached into his pocket, pulling out his phone and he texted Sam. "Fucking bring Theraflu or some shit here. I can't stand her breathing."

Sam would be the only one that wouldn't tease him about it. Couldn't Paul just do something nice for once? Fucking hell.

"Get it yourself. Tara's throwing a tantrum."

"Can't. She fell asleep on me. I can't feel my arm."

There was a longer pause between the texts and Paul was worried that Sam wasn't going to do it. Then what? Paul would be stuck listening to the awful sound of wet throat. "You fucking owe me. Babysitting duty Saturday."

"Fuck," Paul muttered. He hated babysitting. All the rats did was shit and eat.

He tossed the phone towards the foot of the bed, exhaling in frustration. He couldn't get mad. He brought it upon himself. Fuck.

"You're growling again," Bella murmured.

He grimaced, and fuck him, the growling stopped. 


	3. TheraFlu

Everyone in the pack had extra keys to the Swan Beach House. This was where family stayed if they visited, after all. Sue insisted. So, she kept the place fixed up and when people that moved off the rez visited, they'd have someplace to go.

Paul could hear Sam enter, the sound of the truck still on in the driveway. It wasn't loud enough to wake Bella, though he suspected it would if she was breathing through her nose like a normal human being while they slept. Fuck.

The bedroom door opened quietly after a few minutes of Sam in the kitchen and Paul glared at his Alpha, a smirk on his face as he took in the scene. "Fucking leave it here, or I swear to fuck, Sam, I'll feed your kids to the leeches themselves."

Sam didn't take Paul's threat seriously. Paul didn't know how Sam fucking did it. Any comment like that would have set any of the wolves off, but Sam almost let it breeze over him - like it didn't bother him. Like he didn't believe it. Paul could never have such control. He got upset over ever damn thing - just as he was getting pissed off at his lack of control. Fuck. This was ridiculous. He was arguing with himself over stupid shit.

"You weren't supposed to sleep with her, Paul."

"I didn't," Paul growled.

"Growling," Bella murmured in her sleep and Paul stopped immediately, exhaling loudly as Sam grinned. He wished he could set the ceiling on fire. There was hope it would collapse and wipe that smug ass smirk off of Sam's face. Sam set a steaming mug on the nightstand and Paul grunted his thanks.

"How long she been sleeping for?"

"Since I texted you."

"Don't fuck this up, Paul," Sam said quietly. "If you do, this will be the only chance you get."

But Paul knew he'd fuck it up somehow. He knew that he would do something to make her stay away for good and this would be the only chance he'd ever feel anything warm about her, laying by him, maybe ever see her in a bedroom. It tore him the fuck apart, like his wolf was ripping apart some leech.

But just thinking about the leeches made his blood boil. They had her first and he was such a dick. How could she love something dead? How could she sleep with a dead guy?

Sam left after a few more remarks so that sleeping Bella couldn't hear, and even after he delivered a theraflu to the other girl that Paul didn't care to remember the name of. And Paul stared at the ceiling, listening as her mouth breathing turned into a more normal human sound.

He woke her up once the cup had cooled a little bit, and he knew it wouldn't burn her tongue – something he swore wasn't sappy, it was polite – and she had barely registered what was going on, but drank it anyway before she fell back asleep. And she didn't wake again.

When she sighed in her sleep, her arms tightening around him, he lifted his head, so that he could glance down at her. She was peaceful looking, as she laid sprawled over him. Fuck, fuck fuck… think of the hag, think of the hag.

Where Bella was pale, it contrasted against his bronze skin. He wondered if she was pale everywhere, or if – fuck, Paul, think of the hag. Stop thinking of Bella.

But he couldn't help it. He just stared at her as she would sometimes tighten her grip, sometimes sigh, and sometimes a small smile would show, like she was teasing him – like she knew he was watching her.

He hated her so much. He hated how he was feeling. He hated that she was the cause of it. Hated how he was helplessly wrapped around her finger and would do whatever she said, even if he complained and groaned the whole way. He'd be a happy fuck to do this anytime she wanted.

He didn't sleep at all. Even though he felt tired, he didn't sleep. He couldn't waste a moment of this. Because it would be gone. He'd fuck it up somehow.

Charlie came home at an ungodly hour, and he tapped lightly at Bella's door, as if to warn her he was entering, and Paul had a brief moment of panic. With all the girls he fucked, he never stayed late enough if someone came knocking. So he didn't know what to do. But when the door opened, Charlie peaked his head in and saw that Bella was curled up in the blankets, and Paul had laid atop them.

“Didn't know you spent the night.”

The question was clear. “She asked me to help with the chills,” Paul muttered. Charlie raised an eyebrow. “I don't know, I just did as she asked. Apparently she wanted a cuddle buddy.” Just saying the words made him want to smack himself in the face. Cuddle buddy. Fuck that. “Nothing more, Chief. Swear.”

“Keep it clean, kid.” Paul just gave a pained grimace, which he hoped passed for a smile, and let out a puff of relief as the door shut. Fuck it all.

She woke up around nine in the morning, long after Paul's shift was supposed to start at the shop, something he had texted Jake to tell him he couldn't make it, and Jake had agreed to give him the morning off. But fuck him, he didn't want to leave. He didn't want it to end so soon.

“You're the greatest,” she said quietly as she pulled away. Paul almost smirked when he noticed she was blushing, having realized how she was holding him. But he was a little relieved that she sounded better. She wasn't as nasally, and she didn't look nauseas at least – something he was fucking grateful for. If she had puked on him, imprint be damned, he'd be out.

He knew he wouldn't have been though. He knew he would have cleaned up the mess, stroked her hair, cleaned her up, and laid with her some more.

Screw her.

"You owe me," Paul said simply, rubbing the ache in his neck. Fuck, he knew he shouldn't have been watching her as she stretched out across him. The angle had positively tortured his neck.

"If you want sex, all you had to do was ask," Bella said, annoyed. "Hell, you act like you have to be secretive about everything. Angry sex is still sex."

"Like I'd ever sleep with something a leech has fucked," Paul spat at her. She flinched, looking disgusted.

"What are you talking about?" Bella asked, confused. She crossed her arms, suddenly laughing hysterically. "Oh my God, you think Edward and I slept together?" She let out peals of laughter. "You should ask Jake about Edward's morality complex. I've slept with a lot of guys in my time, but they've all ran a nice, warm 98.6 degrees or above."

His wolf halted and he wished he could swallow his words as she pulled out of the bed, and he could practically feel her anger. Fuck. He had fucked up. He had fucked up big. "So you didn't fuck the leech?" Even to his ears, his voice sounded small, like he had his tail tucked between his legs and he was backing into a corner, waiting for the beating to commence.

"Not that it's any of your business, but since I'm so disgusting, you should have said so. You can leave now," Bella said firmly. She moved to her suitcase Paul had placed there the night before and began grabbing clothing, moving towards the closet. "Thanks for the medicine."

Paul left with his fists clenched and his breath coming out in puffs of air. As he slammed the front door shut, he stared at her car. She had driven thousands of miles to get here, thousands of miles from the home she had escaped to, escaped from the pack and the vampires, and here she was still… And he had screwed up everything.

“Fuck!” he shouted. He let out an angry growl, nearly tearing out his hair, before he began walking. At first he didn't know where he was headed, until he spotted the small house tucked away in the woods.

Sam. Sam had to help him. Sam had to give him some sort of answers.

He knocked on the door when he reached there. It was no longer pack house, what with Emily and the little kids running around it needing their privacy – the family needed their privacy, which the pack let them have. There was little privacy these days. Even after six years, Paul still hadn't gotten used to it.

The door was answered by the devil, the little bratty girl Sam had, smiling up at him innocently. “Your dad home?”

“Daddy!” Tara cried. Paul glanced up as Sam appeared and Sam just gave him an expression of pity, as his shoulders fell. Disappointment. He knew that Paul had fucked up. He knew it was only a matter of time.

"I need help," Paul admitted, swallowing and clenching his fists. Sam raised an eyebrow, pulling the devil out of the way and letting Paul through.

"What'd you do now?"

"The fuck do you -" Paul cut himself off, taking a deep breath. His eyes were squeezed shut. "How are you so calm?"

"I'm still human, Paul. I act like it." Ouch. That was a low blow, even for Sam. Paul swallowed, opening his eyes. Tara was still there, but cowering behind her father's legs. "Apologize."

"You say those words, and you will fail your English class," Paul said by way of apology. Tara's eyes widened. "I'm angry, Sam... all the time... I have to get better. Nothing will ever happen if I don't."

"So you're accepting the imprint now? Three years ago you decided to reject it because she was the leech lover."

"They never..." Paul huffed. "I didn't want ... It sounds awful, Sam... I didn't want to be imprinted to someone that slept with the enemy, alright?”

Sam gave a snort. “You're a piece of work, Paul. Fine, sit down and I'll do what I can.” Paul relaxed slightly. “But first you're going to tell me what you did.”

Sam sent his brat away, and Paul sat heavily at the kitchen counter as Emily was making something having to do with eggs, and he only nodded in greeting to the woman he had grown to care for like a sister – a really annoying and always right sister. He explained what had happened and Emily smacked his arm with a spoon to voice her disapproval, and Sam was more vocal about it.

“You're an idiot.”

“I know. I just… Shit, Sam. I want this to work. I've never wanted this to work and now I have no idea where to start-”

“Maybe you should try talk to her about this?”

“Bella's a freak, alright? She does weird shit. I think the leech proved that. And just mention of wolfy things or vampires or whatever gets her spooked. It's all fine when it's a joke, but if it's serious? She'll flip her shit on me.”

“Maybe you deserve it.” Paul groaned and clenched his fist in his hair. “Her opinion matters most. Whatever I tell you, you'll find an excuse for. But if Bella says that she accepts the imprint? What then? You'll work for it.”

He hated when Sam did this shit.

Bella only stayed in her room long enough to take a shower – which cleared her sinuses considerably – and change into something presentable. And then she joined Charlie and Sue for breakfast. Stephanie still hadn't emerged, so she figured that the girl was probably sleeping – and with good reason. They had barely slept on the roadtrip – both because it was uncomfortable to sleep in the car and because they were sick.

The trip had been miserable.

Maybe Bella would just ship her car back to the apartment and fly home. It would be better that way.

She listened to stories about the house, about Sue and Charlie's first Christmas here – where the fireplace had caught fire and the boys from the pack had pulled the chimney from the house to keep it from spreading, making a massive hole in the wall that needed to repaired.

And when the stories became all too much, she was rescued by Emily and Angela.

“I heard what happened with Paul,” Emily said by way of greeting. Bella grimaced.

“Paul?” Sue asked. “I thought you two were getting along!”

“You looked cozy this morning when I got in,” Charlie continued.

“We got into a disagreement and I told him to get out,” Bella shrugged. “Nothing new. He's an arrogant prick.” She cleared her throat as Charlie gave her a look. “What? He is.” But Bella glanced to Emily. “How could you possibly have heard? It was like twenty minutes ago.”

Emily winced. “He… came to Sam, and told him he needed help with his anger, again.”

“One of these days, that boy's going to seriously hurt someone,” Charlie sighed. Bella knew it would be true. He'd pull a Sam on someone he got too close to. And she knew that the man wasn't as tough as he made it seem. He was pretty fragile, especially if something like a fight with Jared could still bother him. And if he hurt someone like Sam had Emily? Well… he'd probably never phase back to human.

“Sam's trying,” Emily sighed. “But you know how Paul is. If he hasn't changed now, he doesn't really want to.” Bella felt like he had changed a lot just last night, though, from the last time she was here. Before he wouldn't have even touched her. But last night, he had let her wrap her arms around him. And she vaguely remembered some medicine being given to her… that had to count for something, right?

“I mean, he's different around me,” Bella muttered, stabbing her eggs with her fork. “I don't know,” she stressed as the table looked to her in surprise. “Maybe it's because we hate each other, so we don't have to really say anything to be clear on that point. I just feel sorry for the poor girl he likes. He probably can't even say three words without exploding into anger.”

Emily snorted. “Pretty much.”

Angela gave Bella a smile. “They really make absolutely no progress.” She shrugged as she accepted a few sausage links. “But Sam made us swear not to tell anyone. Guy code or something.” With an eyeroll, Bella understood that Sam wanted to keep the imprint a secret from whoever the girl was. “Says that he'll need to man up and either tell her or move on.”

“For her sake, I hope she moves on,” Bella muttered. She shrugged as Charlie gave her another look. “Charlie, come on, you know how Paul gets. He basically curses and runs.” Bella glanced to Sue for help. “I mean, did he not come into the diner yesterday all muddy and curse the world?”

“He more tried to piss you off. I wouldn't say he cursed the world-”

Bella gave Charlie a look. “See what I'm dealing with here?”

“Then why did you two get all close and personal tonight-”

“Nothing happened,” Bella insisted. The _yet_ was under her breath. “In case you didn't notice, I was dying yesterday and the guys are really warm. I signed Paul up for the job so we could get our time together knocked out first thing.”

Charlie snorted. “Yeah, well, by the looks of him, he hadn't slept all night.”

Bella wasn't sure how to take that. Of course he had to have. What was he going to do? Stare at the ceiling? He wasn't a patient guy, that was for sure.

“Well, good news is we don't have to see each other until the wedding.

“Oh, no, honey. He's a groom's man,” Angela said with a smirk. “He'll be everywhere you go.”

Bella groaned, and she felt like her sickness was coming back. Maybe it was better to be sick, and milk the illness out for all it was worth. Stay away from public places until it was too late. “I can't go out today, I suddenly feel nauseas.”

Charlie rolled his eyes. “Well, at least you became dramatic. That was the one trait you were always missing.”

“You'll regret it's development soon,” Bella promised him. “Just like I'm regretting accepting this whole thing.”

Angela grinned. “Yeah, but I never doubted you'd accept. I've just had to do most of the work on my own until someone finally got ahold of you. So, now it's time to pull some weight.”

Bella sighed. “Fine, but first I get to finish Sue's killer eggs, and then I'm all yours.”

“Deal.”

 


	4. Throwing Rocks

It wasn't until that evening that Sam was able to give him some time. So Paul went to finish his shift at the mechanic shop Jake owned, and then headed over to Sam's, just missing dinner. “There's leftovers in the fridge, if you want them,” Emily said warmly.

“Thanks, Em,” Paul said quietly. He helped himself, as Sam seemed to be busy wrestling one of the brats into their coat. It wasn't cold out, just windy. And the devils weren't built like the wolves – not yet at least. He scarfed it all down, not having really given much thought to eating all day, when Sam cleared his throat.

“Let's go.”

“Go?” But Sam didn't elaborate. “For fuck's sake,” Paul muttered under his breath, following after his esteemed Alpha with a last wave to Emily. He was led to a beach, First Beach, and he crossed his arms as he stared at the waves for a moment, before glancing to Sam. “So?”

“So, you're going to skip rocks until you can skip it fifteen times.”

Paul blinked. Sure, the water was calm here, but that was a hell of a lot of times. “I… What the fuck will that do?” Paul snapped after a bit of hesitation.

“That's for you to figure out,” Sam said simply. He picked up a rock from the sand, and sent it sailing into the sea. Paul counted each skip. Sixteen. Fuck him.

“I'm not going to keep throwing rocks for you to laugh and see how gullible I am-”

“When you run out of rocks, go back in the water and get them. And then start all over again.”

“No,” Paul said simply.

Sam seemed to be expecting it, as he always was. Fuck him and his patience. “Are you ever going to date her if you can stop getting angry? Do you want to stop getting angry, or not? Because then this is a waste of my time, Paul-”

Paul let out a breath that sounded too much like a growl. Sam shot him a warning glare. “Fine.”

Sam nodded and patted him on the shoulder. “Good. I'm proud of you for trying this, Paul.”

“Whatever,” Paul muttered angrily and as he heard the Alpha leave, he picked up a rock and threw it out into the sea, watching as it plunked. He growled under his breath, his fists clenching.

He did his best to ignore the Swan Beach House behind him. He did his best to ignore the sounds of Bella laughing with that other friend of hers, and Angela and Leah. He did his best to ignore the sounds of her telling them that Paul was honestly not that bad, just a sore loser. Why they were talking about him, beat him. But she was saying his name. And fuck.

The rock fell into the water and he ignored the house. He ignored it all.

He had to or this would never work.

But a sniffle sounded from behind him and he knew it was her without turning around. He threw another, a bit more forcefully this time and it went farther, still plunking into the water with a splash. Fuck. “Why are you throwing rocks?”

“I don't fucking know,” he ground out.

Bella moved to stand beside him and he could see that she was cold already, her jacket on but her arms were crossed, and she was narrowing her eyes into the wind – or because she was angry. He wasn't sure. He'd be angry if he was her. But she hummed, and the sound went straight through him, and he threw another rock with all the force he could muster. He was getting angrier and angrier the more she stood beside him. “You're a real dick, you know that?”

Paul almost snorted. “I've always known that.”

“So, why are you throwing rocks?”

“Because I'm a dick,” Paul muttered sarcastically. She snorted, having heard, and if wondered if it was because she found him funny or if it was because it was true. Perhaps both. He could live with both.

“No, that's not why. There's a reason.”

So, he decided to be honest with her, for once. “Sam says that it'll help my anger.”

“Oh...” She hummed thoughtfully and he tensed slightly at the sound. Jesus fucking Christ. Did she know what she was doing to him? “I doubt it.” And just as quickly the warm feeling faded as he growled. “See?” she said glancing to him for the first time that night. “You're still pissed about everything.”

Paul huffed, not bothering to justify it with a response, and threw another rock. It splashed as well.

“Just leave me alone, leech-lover.”

It looked as though it was inspiring another topic change, which he was dreading. Couldn't she just fucking leave him alone? She was making his blood boil. And he felt like he was on the verge of wolfing out. And she was way too close. “Have you asked Jake about the Edward thing, yet?”

"No. Nor do I want to. I don't care about your leech." He didn't want to hear her say that fucker's name either.

"You obviously care enough for us sleeping together to be a problem for you," Bella remarked. "Which was something I was hoping on happening by the wedding, by the way.” His wolf preened in surprise, but she continued off-handedly, making his mood sour. “He had this thing, sort of like vampire AIDS, only it was in his head, so he thought that if we slept together, he'd kill me. And he thought that if he did anything more than peck me on the forehead, it'd basically cause his morals to completely cave in on him and burn him alive. So, no, we never slept together. Never even made out. We... eugh." She nearly gagged. "He lived in the 19th century as far as PDA was concerned. Even Private Displays of Affection. So, yeah, he had a bit of a morality complex that doesn't fit todays casual vibe."

"You haven't slept with anyone supernatural?" Paul asked in surprise, but he needed to hear her say no, so he could put his mind to rest.

Bella snorted. "Does the pack count?" Paul growled. Why did he fucking ask? "Damn, you really are so easy to piss off. I slept with Embry, once, when he and Quil came down to visit me one summer." Embry? Paul would rip his ass apart. He knew. He fucking knew about the imprint. "We were drinking, and I'm surprised I was still walking. He was absolutely wasted. One thing led to another." Bella shrugged. "I'm surprised you don't know about it. Pack mind and all."

He just growled. "So, you've become a whore?" Fuck. He did it again. He was fucking it up. Bella shot him a glare. "You said it yourself. You've slept with a lot of guys." It was all he could think about from that conversation.

"And I'm not proud of it. But I haven't slept with a leech, and only one wolf. Compared to you." She looked him over, and snorted, as if she didn't like what she saw. His wolf practically whimpered. He was such a prick, and his wolf was such a baby. "You probably have more diseases than a rabid raccoon. I'm going back inside, it's cold." She turned. "And there are too many pricks around." He could hear her start to walk away. "By the way, you're throwing them wrong." He cursed, and she giggled as she continued up the path towards the beach house. “Asshole.”

His fist clenched around a rock in his hand as he listened to her. “So, what's up?”

Bella snorted. “It's Paul, being his usual self. I never knew a dick could walk around uncensored, but the advancement of the media has surprised me.”

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He did it. And he was doing his best, and it still wasn't enough. Fuck it all.

He threw the rock in his hands and listened to it splash before he felt the familiar blinding heat. He was ready to phase. He barely made it to the treeline before he let out an angry growl and exploded. He snarled in frustration as he dug his paws into the ground.

“ _So… not so easy, is it?_ ” Sam's voice sounded in his head. Fucking asshole. Paul blamed him for this shit. “ _Don't blame me for you being an asshole, Paul._ ”

“ _Is Embry on patrol with you?_ ” Paul demanded in a growl.

“ _Not until midnight._ ”

“ _Good, because I'm going to fucking kill him._ ” Paul took off in the direction of the Call household. That kid's ass was going to be smeared all over the fucking forest once Paul got his claws into him.

“ _Paul!_ ” Sam cried, trying to halt him. But Paul wasn't listening. Embry would be meat on the pavement when Paul was done with him. How dare he fucking touch her? How dare he even think about touching her? Bella was his imprint, and that meant that no one fucking messed with her. Not even himself.

 


	5. Bottoms Up

"You fucking asshole!" Paul roared as he tore into Embry's leg. The wolf gave a pained howl.

"PAUL! STOP IT THIS INSTANT!" Sam's alpha command only stopped Paul from tearing into him again. He had a few cuts and bruises already from the initial takedown, but the leg was definitely the worst of it.

Paul continued the verbal assault. "You fucking knew she was mine and you went and slept with her!"

"Dude! Dude, we were drunk, it didn't mean anything!" Embry insisted.

"It better had fucking not," Paul snarled. He was standing over the wolf, and Embry didn't dare move. Alpha order be damned, Paul had broken them before with his anger. Paul knew Sam was getting closer. "It won't happen again, you hear me?"

"It won't," Embry insisted. "I swear, it won't. I have no intention of that." Paul wasn't convinced. But the teen was practically cowering under Paul, giving a whimper if Paul's snarling teeth got too close to his face. "I swear, Paul. It was a mistake, okay?"

"Don't fucking tell me sleeping with her's a mistake, do you hear me?" Paul was practically seeing red. He couldn't even think straight. He just knew he was speaking and he had no control of what was coming out. "She's the best fucking thing in this world and you went and slept with her and you say it's a damn mistake?"

"I don't know what you want me to say!" Embry shot back. "I won't do it again, it shouldn't have happened in the first place. We were drunk, that's all. I swear-"

Paul gave a vicious growl just as Sam knocked into him, sending him into the ground. "You even look at her," Paul said firmly, "I will kill you before Sam can stop me."

"No, you won't," Sam said firmly.

"Look, dude, no one owns Bella," Embry insisted. "She slept with me on her own free will, okay?"

"God damn it, of course no one owns her," Paul returned sharply, as if the idea was insulting. But the images of his father owning his mother… Shit. He didn't mean to sound like that. Not at all. Did she think he was that kind of guy? Possessive and … shit, shit, shit. He had fucked up again. Fucked up for the third time in a single day. "I'm just saying that you should fucking know better," Paul muttered, and his anger left him, seeping into the wet forest ground Sam had him pinned to. He phased, and Sam was quick to phase. Embry, on the other hand, hesitated a minute.

"You okay?" Sam asked him, every bit as concerned as a friend would be after they go on a murderous rampage.

Paul ran a hand through his hair. "No, I don't know. Fuck. I just… she said that Embry slept with her and… I just… I couldn't stop thinking about it, man." It was only then that Embry phased and he was picking wet leaves out of his wound.

"I, uh, was going to tell you but figured you'd react like this. It meant nothing, I swear."

Paul growled, but not with the same fervor as before. "It better not have, shit head. I know where to bury your body if I find out it happens again."

"No thanks," Embry said seriously. "She's all yours. Jesus Christ."

"You okay, Embry?" Sam asked, but his eyes didn't leave Paul, as if waiting for another phase to happen. But Paul just shrugged off his arm, and glanced away from the two, as if embarrassed by his actions.

"Yeah, just gotta wait for this to heal. Nothing big."

"Good, why don't you head on home? I'll have Paul take your shift tonight."

"Yeah, okay… Paul, man, I'm sorry… I just… it didn't mean anything-"

"Embry, I don't think now's a good time to keep taking about it," Sam interrupted. "In the morning."

"Right, yeah… Thanks, Sam."

He disappeared and Paul let out a huff of his breath, and Sam crossed his arms. "What worked?"

"I don't want to have this conversation, Sam."

"You've got a long night shift ahead of you. So, you better start talking."

Paul clenched his jaw, and glanced further into the woods, towards where he was sure the Swan house was. "I don't know… I … My dad used to tell my mom that she had to get permission for shit. You know, like leaving the house, buying herself stuff, or just plain talking to someone. Fuck, she doesn't think… I'm not trying to own her."

"Believe me, that's the last thing Bella thinks," Sam snorted. Paul shot him a glare, causing the alpha to instantly sober. "I just mean that she thinks you hate her, Paul." Shit, right. He still hadn't told her anything about… well, anything. "If she thought you were trying to own her, then you'd have a bigger fish to fry. And you're not, for the record. You could care less if she's with Emily or with some of her friends from high school… that's not your dad."

"Yeah… I guess," Paul muttered. And Sam sighed. "I'll take your shift, Sam… I just … I need to run or I'm going to go crazy. I want to talk to her but I just screw it up. It's like a shit storm comes out of my mouth and… fuck. Sometimes I wish the wolf would just tell her what it wants so I don't have to."

"The whole point is that you need to tell her yourself. Your wolf already has accepted her… you need to, too." Paul hated when Sam went all Yoda on him. It was stupid as fuck. But it made sense. "You've got to develop a bond with her. The imprint only points her out. You can't form a relationship based on it alone. It takes a lot. It took Emily and I nearly two years to flesh out our differences. I mean, I exploded on her after I broke her cousin's heart." Paul grimaced. "She hated me for a long time and I felt like I was dying." Yeah, Paul felt like that too. Every time he look at her and she would give him a wary look, his wolf practically whimpered for him to be a man. "You can do it, Paul. I know you can."

"I'll take your patrol, Sam," Paul repeated. "Just… don't let me turn into him."

"You won't."

It was all the reassurance he needed to feel like he could move again.

Bella spent then next week avoiding Paul as much as possible, helping order the size to her bridesmaid gown that they thankfully had in stock and just needed to go back for for fittings, and getting caught up by meeting the new members of the pack that she hadn't really bonded with her senior year of high school.

Embry distinctly avoided her as well, for some reason she couldn't quite figure out – they had talked just as well the day before. But it was when she noticed a few healing scratches on his arm that she suspected something much more suspicious going on. And she asked him about it.

"Get in a fight, Em?"

Embry practically jumped out of his skin at her voice. "What?"

"Did you get in a fight?"

Embry glanced down to the arm she was staring at, and gulped as he glanced back up at her. "It was nothing. Little tumble with the guys, you know?" She raised an eyebrow in doubt. "Really, Bells, it's cool."

"Uh huh… Who was it?"

"Just Paul, you know, getting rough-"

Bella winced. "You fought with Paul? About what?"

"Everything," Embry insisted. "But we're cool." He cleared his throat. "You know that time… in Florida, it didn't mean anything, right?"

Bella felt like the subject change wasn't entirely a subject change. "Yeah, Em… I know that… You know that, right?"

"Of course I do. Drunk mistake. We're cool-"

"We're cool," she repeated slowly. "Did Paul get in a fight with you because of that? Jesus Christ, now he thinks he owns me and can beat up guys that I slept with? Who does he think he is?"

"No, that's not what it was about. But I was just thinking about it, you know, since you're back," Embry insisted. Bella wasn't entirely convinced. It was too much of a coincidence. Freaking Paul. She'd need to talk to him whenever she next saw him. "Uh… it's not going to happen again… right?"

Bella blinked. "If that was a pick up line, it was shit. No, it's not going to happen again."

He sighed a bit in relief. Well, ouch, there. "Okay, good. That's good." She just hummed as he made some excuse to leave and Bella watched him practically flee with his tail tucked between his legs. Well, then.

She didn't see Paul until about two days after Hayley flew in, at a little get together to celebrate the upcoming wedding. Music was playing, alcohol was being passed around, and a distinct sound of laughing was what greeted Bella.

Almost immediately upon spotting Paul, she grabbed a beer. "I hate when mutts get invited to these things," she muttered as she passed Jake.

"Play nice."

"Only if he does."

Jake snorted though, amused. She was able to dance with her friends, and members of the pack without incident. And the more beer she drank, despite Charlie's disapproving frown, the more she seemed to notice Paul glaring at her. Stephanie was throat deep into Brady, who Bella didn't have the heart to tell her was barely out of high school. And Hayley was sharing a beer with Collin. Geeze, what was going on here?

But her question was answered as she saw the look one of the boys gave the girl. "Imprint," she whispered under her breath. Oh, hell. She glanced to Emily and Sam, trying to get Claire to behave, and rushed over to them before she could second guess what she saw. "Collin and Brady imprinted on my friends?"

The demand was so abrupt that Sam jumped in surprise at it. He glanced towards the young pack members, and gave a small nod. "It happened to Stephanie when you guys first got here, in the diner. And Hayley last night at the bonfire." Fuck. "Which Jake said you were planning on finding them a buddy anyway-"

"But that's not the point," Bella stressed. "Now there's literally no one for me to get friends with benefits from except for Paul. And that's so counterproductive that it's not even worth it." Sam snorted, glancing over to the brooding werewolf they were talking about. "I mean, Sam, come on…. Can't your imprint Gods cut a poor single girl a break?"

Sam smirked. "Just go by Paul. Drink another beer. You'll be fine."

"Please, just go talk to him, I'm sure he's sorry," Emily insisted.

"He called me a whore," Bella said flatly.

Emily winced. "Oh. Well… maybe he didn't mean it?"

Bella really doubted that. But she glanced to Sam for further reassurance and gave a sigh as he nodded. "Fine. But if this ends badly, then I'm blaming you two." She glanced back to Emily. "You're like gossiping hens that like to torment the two of us."

"You'll have to smile on each other's arm at the wedding," Emily reminded her. "Best start now."

Bella winced. "I was trying to ignore the fact that he was in the wedding until that day happened. But you and Angela make that impossible."

"Just go dance with him. Get it over with," Sam sighed. "I take care of enough kids. I can't babysit two more."

Bella shot the alpha a glare but grabbed another beer from the table and marched towards Paul – who glanced away as he realized she was coming towards him. "Look, let me be honest. Sam sent me over here." Paul raised an eyebrow as he sipped from his solo cup, not beer, she could see. Which was odd. Everyone else from the pack was drinking. But it looked like he had soda. "So, I'll play nice if you do. Want to dance?"

Paul practically leapt to his feet. "Sure."

What a dick. She listened as the song change and nearly groaned as she heard it was a rather risqué song. Wonderful. Just what they needed. Though, she supposed she wasn't exactly lying when she told Jake that she called dibs on Paul. She glanced to him, an eyebrow raised and he looked a little too eager than he should have been. He didn't look like he was glaring as hard as he usually did. "So… dance?"

"Whatever, Swan."

She rubbed the side of her beer with her thumb and let out a sigh. "Alright."

She grabbed his hand and tugged him closer and as Bottoms Up began to play, she let out a soft sigh. Just forget what he said and act civil, Bella, she reminded herself. And so they began to dance. It wasn't anything at first, but the more of the beer in her hand she drank, the bolder she became until he just dropped his cup entirely so that he could grab onto her waist.

Paul swallowed tightly as she danced closer to him. She could feel the warmth of him. And now that she could breath normally, and think properly, she could smell him as well. He had a woodsy scent that the others didn't have, with a hint of motor oil. Jake said that they worked at a shop together.

"Uh… not that this isn't nice, but you don't dance like this normally," Paul felt himself mutter. And Bella couldn't help but smirk as she pulled him closer, her arms tangling around his neck.

"I figured I was a whore to you anyway," Bella murmured. Her lips danced just millimeters in front of his own and he held his breath. This couldn't have been fucking real. But it certainly felt real. She was pressed against him in a way he had only dreamed about. And his pants were becoming too tight. "Might as well make it mean something."

"You're asking me to sleep with you?" Paul's words sounded like a virgin teen even to his ears. "Seriously?"

Bella smirked. "You certainly seem to be overlooking the whole leech thing… Downstairs seems to want to, at least. What about upstairs?"

"Fuck…" It was all he could manage to speak.

"Are you… serious?" He didn't want to hope too high. Shit, this was… this was heaven.

She smirked. "No." Pulling away abruptly, Paul felt himself frown at her lack of contact. But she didn't pull away completely. Where her hands had previously been around his neck, they were now in the belt loops of his pants, keeping them pressed together. "I'm not some whore, Paul. Just really good at teasing you." She winked. "Be a doll and tell Sam we're done for the evening. I'm going home to sleep off this beer before I get a hangover."

"Drink some water." The piece of advice was … strange. And the second Paul said them he seemed to regret them. She stared at him a moment and Paul winced. "Or don't. Whatever. I could care less."

"Yeah, and another thing, next time don't beat up someone that I slept with." Paul tensed, as if she had caught him off guard. "If you have a problem with it, tell me, not go after him."

"No problem," Paul said, but it took a considerable amount of effort to make it sound genuine. "Fuck whoever you want. I'm a whore, you're a whore. Let's not beat around the bush and act like it's not a thing." Her otherwise non-forced smile turned hard and she clenched her jaw. "Almost sad I didn't make it onto the notches in your bedpost."

"You're a real asshole," Bella said flatly.

"Already know that, sweetheart." Bella sighed. And she really thought for at least a song they could talk nicely. She gave him too much credit. "See you at fittings three days from now."

"And to think I was going to sleep peacefully until then." Bella's sarcastic words punctuated what she really thought. Shit, fittings with Paul. She stormed away, shooting a glare in the Alpha's direction, and grabbed a water bottle on her way past the drinks table. "I'm going to bed," she said to Charlie. "Should I wait up?"

"No, we'll be home soon, too."

Bella just nodded, heading to Jake and Angela to give them a kiss on the cheek and a warm congrats on the pre-wedding (by nearly three weeks), and the last break they'd probably get until the wedding. The next few weeks were going to be chaos getting everything ready, what with Jake's sisters coming in, and the fact that Bella didn't even know if she would survive another day seeing Paul. She might scream. Or worse, expose the secret when she punched him in the smug, smirking face.

"God, give me strength not to kill him," she muttered under her breath as she began the walk back to the Beach House, not knowing that a wolf protector had slung back in the shadows to make sure she didn't get kidnapped by a stray leech on the walk there.


	6. Dress Fittings

The news of Paul having to go along with fittings for Angela's dress, and the guy's tuxes made her nearly groan. But final fittings were important. And since Angela was turning into a little monster as she freaked out over how much was not done, she grinned and beared it because she was supposed to be making this easily on Ange.

So, she pulled more than her weight to make it enjoyable for Angela, and even planned a girl's night in Port Angeles with all the adult women of the pack. It was set for Saturday night, a night that Emily had been given to herself while Sam rearranged schedules. And it meant that they were free. And drinks were coming.

But first they had to survive the fittings in Port Angeles.

They arrived a little too early, in Angela's eagerness to leave the house before she strangled Jake, who had come home smelling like rusty car parts (something Bella thought smelt great, but apparently it wasn't too romantic when a wedding was a few weeks away). Paul and Jared were assigned to attend fittings, as their suits needed last minute alterations, and Paul was around Sam's size, so he would be getting that taken care of as well.

Since they weren't ready for Angela's appointment concerning the dresses, the guys got their tuxes fitted next door and the girls all giggled as they browsed the many wedding dresses.

"We should totally try some on," Kim said with a wicked grin. Angela hesitated, as if she wasn't sure that was allowed.

"Hey, you're all going to get married sometime," Bella shrugged. "You've all got your lovely men and true love." The wink that went with it helped tell the others that knew of the pack that she meant imprint, and those that didn't… well, that it was a joke. "Might as well. If they ask, the wedding's in your birthday month."

Not that Bella had any experience dressing up in wedding gowns. But Renee had spent a few weeks when she first began dating Phil scouring the wedding dress shops and telling them all that the wedding was early July. Bella had barely been able to roll her eyes then.

"We all pick some," Angela sighed. "But don't ruin any of them. Or I will sell you to the store to pay it off."

There were laughs and the hunt for the best dress was on. Kim seemed to be seriously looking, while Stephanie, Hayley, and Bella scanned the racks for something just to put on.

"Oh, this would look great on you, Bella," Hayley insisted. Bella glanced at the dress for only a second.

"I'm not trying anything on. No man, no marriage. No wedding to imagine myself in."

"Oh, come on, just picture you're last boyfriend or something." Yeah, no. That made Bella feel nearly ill. Just thinking about Edward Cullen for more than ten minutes made her want to rip her heart out. It was a lot better than dealing with the panic attacks she got whenever she thought about them in the middle of the night, or about what would happen if they came back.

Shit, she was doing it again. "No."

"Please, Bella? For us? Just one dress?" Stephanie insisted. "We'll take a picture and send it to your mom, that's all. I swear!"

Bella sighed and took the dress. "Fine. One dress. That's it." She glanced down at it, finding that she liked it a lot more than she thought she wound. "This is actually really pretty."

"It's gorgeous! Okay, now help us. And then we'll go try them on."

They were much pickier. But once they had dresses, and the others in the group did as well, they all went to the changing room one by one to try them on. Emily was first, and though her wedding day was in Bella's senior year, she looked every bit like a bride-to-be. Kim went next, wearing a formfitting mermaid. And then Leah, in a more modern dress that showed off her lower legs.

Hayley and Stephanie helped one another before it was Bella's turn. She needed help getting into it, so Stephanie volunteered. "Ouch!" and "Fuck, Steph, that's my skin, not the zipper," could be heard by anyone walking by. She didn't look at the couches to see if anyone was even there, but when she stepped on the dias and saw herself in the mirror, she couldn't help but flush brilliantly.

It was gorgeous in a way that most dresses weren't on her. It fit her snugly, with pieces of lace and buttons that went all the way down the back. She looked every bit like the princess you were supposed to feel like on your wedding. When she glanced behind her, in the mirror, she saw that Paul was staring at her, sitting up straight and wide-eyed as if seeing her in anything close to a wedding dress was … well, out of character. Bella had to agree with that.

"Oh, Bella!" Angela cooed. "It's beautiful!"

"I say you buy it, go elope in Vegas with some really hot dude, and say you did it," Hayley suggested. Bella laughed.

"I do like it," Bella admitted. "But I don't hear wedding bells in my future." She turned slightly, assessing the back in the mirror."But, if it wasn't a thousand bucks, I'd definitely buy it just to say I did." She made eye contact with Paul in the mirror, who seemed to have gained some of his stoic-ness back. "So, what do you say, shitface? What to run to Vegas and elope?"

"I didn't think whores wore white. Little too pure for you, sweetheart." Bella's bright smile turned into a glare. A deadly glare that had him gulping at his own words before he even finished. And she glanced at herself back in the mirror.

"Wow, you're a real dick. I'm going to change." She picked up the skirts just enough so that she wouldn't trip, and Stephanie rushed over to her to help her, and they disappeared back into the changing rooms.

"Way to go, dude," Jared muttered.

Fuck. Again? And in front of all of her friends and all of the girls… Fuck. Just the look Angela was sending him made him want to crawl in a hole. Nevermind the look he got from Leah and Kim. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

"Shut up," Paul snarled. His fists clenched as he heard Bella's voice give a laugh, but it was bitter and he squeezed his eyes shut when he realized it was because she was crying. Fuck, he had made her cry. He couldn't remember a single time he actually had made her cry before.

"He's such a dick," Stephanie insisted. "Just don't listen to him."

"But he's honest," Bella was insisting as she blubbered over with tears. And Paul released a breath as Jared muttered the opposite under his breath. "And he's right. No one wants to marry me. I don't even have a steady boyfriend. I can't keep a steady boyfriend. Nevermind that I don't want to get married, because that's not the point. But… Jesus, Steph, am I really that big of a whore?"

"Honey, he's just realizing that he's never going to settle down, and he's bitter. No one wants to marry an ass like that." Bella made a noise, and Paul realized it was in protest to that statement. Why the fuck did she keep defending him to her friends?. "Besides, didn't you tell me he's been with like hundreds of girls? You've only been with maybe ... what? Five?"

"So?" Bella returned defensively.

"How many does he think you've been with? Goodness, have you been telling him any stories? That shit isn't cute-"

"No... I mean, five is a lot. And I told him I'd slept with a lot-" Paul felt a sinking feeling fill his stomach. Five. Shit. Five guys. When she said a lot... she had said that because she had been a fucking nun before. And ... shit, shit shit. Jared shot him a pointed look and Paul swallowed. He had really, really, really fucked up.

"Honey, he probably thinks like a hundred. I mean, that's a lot to him-"

"But..." Bella sniffled and it made him feel worse. "He's right. I've just been sleeping around because ... I just want to. Because my ex-boyfriend broke my heart and I wanted to do something I wanted to do. That makes me a whore."

"No, you're only a whore if you want to be a whore. No one can give that title to you but yourself."

"I'm a whore."

"You're a college girl. So what if you sleep with someone? It's not like its taboo. Besides, he's definitely not in a position to judge. Just don't ever sleep with him, so he can add you to his list. Because he won't ever let that go."

"No, never," Bella promised. "God, no. I can't sleep with him. That's like..." Bella sniffled. "Like deliberately catching the plague." There was a rustle of fabric. "God, why do I always fall for the guys that will do nothing but tear me apart? Why? First Edward, who destroyed me. And now... I'm just so done. They're not worth it, but I can't help but … I defend him every single time and… and then he does this, and it always gets me upset, but I go right back into it, I deliberately antagonize him too… knowing where it'll land. But I just love doing it because … shit, Steph, I don't know, because he notices me? I've become an attention whore." The last was said in a groan. Paul went rigid and Jared raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Why do I do it to myself? Why do I always put me in a position where my heart is fucking ripped out? I must be the biggest masochist out there."

"Don't forget clumsy. Look, we're go clubbing out on the town, just us girls. There's got to be some nightlife here in this place. And maybe you'll find your soul mate." Bella sniffled. "He's not worth your time. You know that. And he knows that. Otherwise he wouldn't make you feel like shit. He's insecure, and he's a dick, and he can't get laid without probably giving himself a pep talk in front of the mirror."

Bella sighed. "Is my make up running?"

"No. Just a little red. Just give it a moment. We'll say the dress had some trouble coming off."

"So he can make fun of me for being fat too?"

"Why did he come anyway?"

"Because Jake asked him to size his tux for him, apparently," Bella muttered. "Being a groomsman and all. I don't know. Seemed like a waste of a trip to me."

But as she waited in there with Steph, to "un-red herself" or whatever the fuck that meant, Paul gripped the side of the couch so tightly he was sure it was cracking.

"You need to go outside, man? Cool off?" Jared asked.

"No," Paul said sharply. The red-head friend beside him, Hayley, snorted.

"You're shaking," Jared observed. He knew that. Paul fucking knew that why did Jared have to remind him? But the wolf wasn't angry at anyone but himself, really. Paul had hurt his imprint. Had broken her heart and… shit. The wolf was practically shouting at him in his head. He just wanted to tell her. Why did that have to be so hard? She liked him – loved him. And he had been an asshole to her. Why couldn't he just apologize? Fucking hell.

"Miss Webber, your appointment's next," some lady said suddenly and Angela hopped to her feet, eager to get away from the shaking Paul and the tense atmosphere.

"Lead the way," Angela said almost a little too brightly.

Fuck, now he was ruining the day for her. As Angela passed, she said darkly under her breath. "You better apologize or I will have Jake cut your throat so fast that you won't have time to heal by the wedding." Paul sunk further into himself and gave a small nod to let her know he heard.

Bella emerged while Ange was still in fittings and she gave them all a smile that Paul could tell was fake. And he could see, with his vision, that her make-up had run just enough to be noticeable to him. Fuck.

"I've told Sam about this, I hope you know," Jared muttered as Bella sat a few away from them, engrossing Hayley in a conversation. "He's not happy. You told him you were trying."

"I fucking am," Paul bit out. "Jesus Christ."

"Not hard enough." But Paul didn't even know if he could try any harder. He knew the words he wanted to say, but his mouth said different ones. He knew what he wanted to compliment her with, or how he wanted to smile at her, or how to greet her. And he knew each one sounded like something a sap would do. But fuck him, he wanted to do it to her. He wanted her to think he was the biggest sap alive if it made her smile. If it would make her forget everything awful he had said to her.

He just wasn't working right. Something in him was messed up. Something in him was so messed up that he couldn't even compliment the girl he had fallen completely for.

Because his mouth was given to him straight from his father.

Her first retort when she had that dress on, was to ask him to elope with her in Vegas. And now that he knew that she… that she  _loved_  him, did she really mean that? Had she been so willing to forgive him for everything? Fuck. She was the fucking dream woman and he had blown her up right in front of his face.

He could still hear the sound of her crying in his head.

When Angela came out, her dress fitting perfectly, from what Paul could tell, she looked absolutely delighted. She was practically glowing she was so happy.

He would definitely never make Bella that happy in her life. Because apparently he couldn't even try hard enough to tell her that he was helplessly mad for her.

"So, Paul, what do you think about it?" Ange asked.

Paul swallowed the retort that told her that she wasn't funny for rubbing it in, and instead said, "Jake's going to cry when he sees you."

Angela glowed. It was the best compliment anyone, save Emily, had gotten from him. And as she grinned, glancing back to the mirrors, she nodded in satisfaction. "It's perfect. I'll take it home today." She glanced to the two boys. "You can keep the image of it out of your heads, right?"

"Why would that matter? If I was you, I'd want them panting after me, because then you can show them that you've got a real man at home," Hayley grinned.

But Paul and Jared gave Angela a promising nod. No pack mind blabbing. But Bella, on the other hand… now she would be someone that wouldn't leave his mind. Both for the dress and for the crying.

After everything was in hand, Paul drove off in Angela's mom's van, the dresses hanging next to the tuxes. Bella watched them drive off before getting into Sue's car – which Jared was driving. She had no way of knowing that Paul was getting an earful from Angela, Emily, and Kim. But she sure hoped Paul felt like a piece of shit.

It wasn't until they got in the car that Hayley giggled. "You should have really seen his face as soon as you walked out. He couldn't take his eyes off of you." Bella didn't need to ask who she was talking about.

"Yeah, because I'm a prostitute wearing a nun costume," Bella replied simply, hiking her feet up on the dash as Jared pulled out. She cut a glance to the wolf, and gave him a wink. "Maybe for Halloween this year."

Hayley snorted. "No, because he's completely in love with you. And he has so many anger management problems, he probably couldn't even get the words out without punching a wall. Seriously, I've only been here like a week, but already I've seen him huff and puff like a big bad wolf more times than I can count."

"Which isn't a feat, considering you barely passed kindergarten," Stephanie returned.

"That was once and we agreed to never mention it," Hayley insisted. "Jared, they're being mean."

"Hey, I'm staying out of this cat fight. I'll just blissfully listen to you, while staying silent, for the next fifteen minutes. And either agree or disagree in my head. It's nice up there. Less voices than normal." Bella snorted.

"Look, Hay. He loves me as much as he loves my ex-boyfriend. Absolute loathing. So… yeah, I don't think you saw what you think you saw."

But still the argument continued, foolishly giving Bella hope, and obnoxiously quelling it down again.

When they got to La Push, Bella nearly sprung free from the car for some fresh summer air. "How about a cliff dive?" And it was all it took to get them on board and stop contemplating her lovelife. There was no lovelife. The leeches had ruined that.

She didn't see Paul, not that she wanted to. But she found that it was annoyingly quiet when he wasn't around. And her insults stayed bottled up, with no one to fling them to. But as soon as Paul had parked at Jake's, he ran off like he usually did when he got angry.

Paul was starting to wonder if it ever actually helped.

 


	7. Buck in the Window

It was Saturday night that Paul found himself in Sam's living room as Emily disappeared with the girls to go out and get some drinks. To relax. To forget about all the shit in their lives. So Bella could forget about Paul. If she got shit-faced drunk because of him, he'd never forgive himself.

But Paul was in the Uley house because he had skipped too many patrols with his anger or catching up for lost time at the mechanic shop. He needed the money to put food on his table or to pay the last of his father's pathetic mortgage.

"She likes me," Paul muttered. "I mean, she did. And fuck, Sam..." He groaned. "I've ruined everything."

"Yeah, you did," Sam said, holding a beer as they rested on the couches. Sam's brats had been long asleep, before Emily had even left. But if they woke, it was Paul's job to get them back to bed. Another lesson in patience Sam was trying to teach him.

"Why am I such an asshole?" Paul asked.

"Because you're an asshole and you want to be. There's no other reason." No other excuse. Fuck. He had been right. As soon as he knew Bella liked him, would have accepted the imprint, he was all over trying to make it work. He just needed a starting point, a conversation opener.

Sam wasn't helping. "I couldn't even... I couldn't even tell her she looked nice," Paul admitted quietly. Sam raised an eyebrow. His hackles rose at the look. "Yes, alright? She did. But I couldn't tell her to her face. Some shit spews out instead."

"You know, I remember your dad always saying things like that." Paul flinched, like Sam had stabbed him in the face with a knife. "Whenever I'd come over, and you'd show your mom your school work. He'd always say something to make you upset."

Paul's hands dug into his hair and he tugged. "I'm turning into my fucking father. Great. I'm an abusive, antagonizing piece of shit."

"So, you see the similarities."

"Of course I fucking do. I act just like him. Shit... I hate my dad."

"Yeah, I know. Everyone did."

Paul swallowed. "I don't want Bella to end up like my mother. Some self-loathing, depressed woman that never smiles, that never ... never did anything because she didn't want to make her husband mad, or ... or just be happy." He glanced up to Sam, his eyes nothing but tortured. "I can't be my dad."

"Then work for it, Paul."

"I'm trying, but I don't even know…. The last thing I said to her, when she was picking Emily up, before she left was how she was dressed like a prostitute I tipped in Seattle." Sam sighed, as if it proved he wasn't trying. "And now she's out in Port Angeles, and she's going to get drunk and sleep with some guy, and it's because I made her upset-"

"So, tomorrow, you apologize."

"I'm going to fuck it up. I always do."

"So, don't fuck it up."

"Then I'll fuck that up."

"Maybe you need to spend a few days in Makah. Get your mind off of things, just live with your cousin. And then when you get back, you can just start fresh."

"I spent three years away from her to get my mind off of things, and to start fresh." Paul shook his head. "It's not going to work. I'm my father. I'm my fucking dad and now what? I'm going to be an asshole until I get so drunk I kill myself."

"You don't have to be him. You can always try to be better."

Paul was quiet, tugging at his hear. And he lifted his head. "Yeah… okay, apologize to her and try to start over. You know? Just… start from square one."

Sam gave a pleased nod, his posture slipping into a relieved glance like he had been waiting for these words all along. "Exactly. You don't have to be a dick, Paul. If it helps, do it with your eyes closed. And just get it out. Practice in front of a mirror. And then it'll be out in the open and you can have a discussion… But you won't make your wolf happy until you tell her."

"Yeah, okay… when she gets back with the girls… Tell her then."

"Yeah," Sam agreed. "And don't you dare whimp out."

"Fuck, Sam, I'm not going to-"

"Paul..."

"Okay." Paul took a deep breath. "Tell her and run before I explode. I can do that."

"Hopefully, when you tell her, you won't be angry enough that you do explode." Paul wasn't giving himself that much credit. He knew he had a short temper. And he exploded over everything. But fuck him, if the moment his life meant something was the very second she slapped him in the face. Him, a six foot something bag of muscle had been slapped by all five foot boney her. And he hadn't felt the blow, not at all, but he knew she did. And she was his world then. He hadn't stopped thinking about her since.

The peaceful mood of accepting that they had reached a point in the relationship was cut short when Sam's phone rang. "Why is Charlie calling me at ten?" Sam muttered. Paul sat up, a little worried. Fuck, why did this feel so wrong? Charlie hardly ever called. Especially since he worked night shift. It was always Sue that called Sam when she said she thought she heard something downstairs – which turned out to be one of the younger pack looking for food and using the spare key.

"Hey, Chief," Sam answered. "What can I do for you?"

Paul practically exploded as he heard the sirens blaring. "Sam, I need… You're going to need to get to the hospital." Sam went rigid, and Paul could tell he was doing his best to stay calm. Paul copied his breathing to keep whole. "Bella's pretty bad. They're taking her by ambulance. Emily's got a concussion, I think, but she should be fine. Angela a broken arm. I don't know what else. I just got the call from one of the guys and I'm on my way there. But they're really worried about Bella and .. and I need to get to the crash site-"

"Are Leah and Kim alright? Stephanie and Hayley?"

"I don't know. I won't know until I get there. Shit, Sam… My baby girl-" Paul couldn't stop from breathing heavily though as he heard the fucking legend Charlie Swan give a choked sob. "I've already almost lost her once, Sam-"

"Where is the crash site?"

"Just off the turn from La Push to Forks."

Paul was already on his feet. "I've got Sue and Jake." It was all he needed to say before he was sprinting out the doors.

"Paul's on his way to you, Charlie. He's going to bring Sue and Jake. Bella's going to be fine, Charlie. She's always fine."

"The doctors… God, Sam, they said there was so much blood-"

"I'll grab Jared and we'll meet you and Paul at the hospital."

When Paul reached the Swan house, he got a text from Sam. "Can you stay in control?" Paul supposed it was a perfectly valid text. Afterall, he couldn't even hold it together just walking back from a patrol some nights. But at this point, the furthest thing from his mind was shifting. All he could think about was getting there. Was if Bella was okay. Was if he could do anything at all.

He texted back one word. "Yes."

Sue got into the car without a question. Mostly because Paul had greeted her by saying, "Get in the car. Don't ask questions. Keep your mouth shut or you'll have a wolf driving." It was rude, sure, but he really couldn't care less. Jared seemed to have gotten the text from Sam saying to be ready for Paul, and Paul barely even stopped the car.

"What happened?" Jared demanded. "I just heard a car accident."

Paul clenched his jaw, but explained. "I just know that the girls got in an accident a few miles away. Ange broke her arm, Emily's got a concussion… I don't know. Bella's..." Paul's words couldn't come out.

"We're going to the hospital?"

"We're meeting Charlie at the wreck," Paul said flatly. "He can't be driving. He could barely talk to Sam on the phone."

"And Bella's alright, right?"

Paul clenched his fist on the steering wheel. "He doesn't know. But his partner said she was… she was pretty bad."

"You're doing pretty well in control-"

Paul snarled at Jared. "This isn't fucking about me, okay? Bella could be dying. And you're worried about my anger being in check? Fuck you."

"She'll be okay," Sue said quietly. But they didn't speak again. The car was speeding, Paul knew that, but he slowed down as he saw police lights and his stomach twisted as violently as the car that was in the ditch. Jesus Christ. Paul was out of the car before Charlie even noticed them. And he was moving towards him, and unfortunately closer to the car. He could smell her scent all over the fucking place. Everywhere there was blood, he could smell her.

Stephanie and Hayley, as well as Sarah, Seth's girl, were talking to the first officer on scene. Charlie wouldn't take his eyes off of the car. "The deer just flew out in front of them," Hayley was saying, and she sounded like she had been crying. Paul didn't blame her. He felt like crying too as he saw how much blood was on the driver's seat. He knew Bella was driving. "They had no chance to even stop and… God, they just hit it and flew right into the ditch and-" Paul couldn't hear anything else. He was too busy trying to breathe normally. To not phase. He turned away, rubbing his face with his hands. And Charlie's hand touched his arm.

"They already got her to the hospital," Charlie said, and he sounded awful. He sounded worse than he did on the phone. It tore Paul's throat out. "We'll meet them there."

"I'll drive you." Paul's words left him before he knew what he was saying, but he didn't take them back. Charlie handed him the keys to his cruiser wordlessly and Paul tossed his keys at Jared. "I'm driving Charlie. Get to the hospital."

"On it," Jared said, and his eyes darted to the car again worriedly. Fucking hell.

But fuck him,, Paul was only worried about her. He could only think about her. If she was doing alright. If she was stable. If she was awake. If she was dead. Would he know? He felt like she already was. His heart felt like it was squeezed so tightly and his lungs weren't getting any air.

Paul was hitting the gas a lot harder than he should have, but Charlie didn't even say a word. He wanted to get there too.

"How do you turn your fucking lights on?" Paul demanded as he swerved around a slow car. "Because I'm not getting pulled over by your fellow officers for speeding."

Charlie didn't even scold him for the langauge. He was thinking a lot worse. And he flipped the switch for Paul, causing the sirens to blare. It killed Paul's ears, but it drowned out his thoughts.

"How bad was she?" Paul asked.

"I... They wouldn't tell me." Fuck. That had to have been bad, right? "They wouldn't let me ride with her. They wouldn't stop ... stop putting things on her and checking things."

"Was she driving?" He just needed to know if she was or not, even though he already knew. He had seen her in the drivers seat when he called her a … fuck, don't get angry. Not now. He needed Charlie to tell him he saw wrong.

"I think so." He had seen the drivers seat. The deer had pretty much completely crushed that side of the car. The blood had coated everything. "I need to call Renee and Phil and... Oh God."

"You find out what's going on with her. I'll call Renee and Phil." He had never even talked to them in his life, but Charlie seemed relieved with that. Paul remembered when Emily was in the hospital. Remembered when Sam couldn't even press the buttons on the phone. He probably didn't even do it to call Sam. Just pressed speedial 2. He had been the one to call Emily's parents, and been the one to tell them that a bear had attacked her while she was in the woods. He had been the one to make a cover story.

"Thank you," Charlie said, falling back into the seat.

Fuck, he was such a goner. And she... she was likely a goner too. They got to the hospital, Charlie not even waiting for the car to park before he was opening the door and getting out. He passed Paul his cellphone to call Renee and was gone into the ER doors. Sam was already there and when he spotted Paul, entering the room, and he went over to him and Jake.

"Well?"

"Charlie's finding out," Paul swallowed. He fell heavily between the two guys, and cleared his throat. "There was so much blood. The car was covered in her blood… All I could smell was her. I wouldn't even know someone else was in the car, it was so overpowering and… fuck."

"You have Charlie's phone," Jake observed quietly.

Paul glanced down at it. "I told Charlie I'd call her mom. I just… I need to breathe for a second."

Sam just nodded in understanding. "The car…?"

"They hit a deer," Paul said quietly. "A buck. I saw it on the side of the road. The antlers had… I don't even know, what happened. I just saw it and her friends were there and that's what they said. They fell into a ditch and… it was completely totaled. It looked like tinfoil."

"And Bella took the brunt of it."

Paul clenched his jaw, nodding. "Fuck," Jake whispered.

He searched Charlie's phone for contacts for Renee and Phil's number. He found Renee's number under Bella's Home. And then there was a separate contact for Renee with the same number. Bella was his whole world, too.

"I'll go check to make sure Charlie's getting something," Jake said, standing. And Sam sat with Paul as the phone rang.

"Hello?" a groggy voice asked. "Charlie? What's wrong? It's like two am here."

Shit. "Hey, this is Paul Lahote. I'm a friend of Charlie and Bella's from La Push." Jesus, friend was stretching it. But right now… right now he'd say anything. He just didn't know what to say. Why did he volunteer. "Bella's been in a pretty bad accident. Charlie's finding out what happened, but it's pretty… it's pretty bad. A deer came out on the road and…" Paul swallowed. He was about ready to hyperventilate himself. "She doesn't look so good."

He heard ruffling and the sound of the mother frantically waking her husband. "Phil! Phil, we need to get to Seattle. Get the car." And the woman seemed to be struggling to get herself together as well. "Thank you, Paul… We're on our way. Just make sure she hangs in there." Paul wasn't sure how he could do that. He barely spoke three nice words to her.

"Yeah, I'll… I'm sure Charlie will call with an update."

"If if you can't get ahold of us, please leave a text or something. We'll get those midair, at least. We'll be on the next flight out. I'll text the details."

"Yeah," Paul swallowed. He wanted to cry. He wanted to go and cry. "I'll do that."

"Tell everyone to hang in there. It'll be okay."

Paul wanted to believe her. He really did. He just didn't know what to believe anymore. When the line went dead, Paul swallowed and set the phone down beside him. And Sam's arm came around his shoulder, in support. Fuck.

"They'll be okay."

"Where are your kids?"

It seemed like such a stupid question, but it was the only thing Paul could think about when he noticed they weren't around.

"I dropped them off at Old Quil's on the way to get Jake. Claire and everyone are there too. They're waiting for any news."

Jake came back with a small smile. "Angela's just getting a cast and she'll be out soon. They think Emily will have to stay overnight because of the concussion, but they'll let us know once they've done an MRI. Bella's heading into surgery." Jake's tone dropped off at that.

"Is she okay?"

"She's got internal bleeding and they need to stop it," Jake said. But he hushed up as Charlie arrived. "Jared close?"

"Almost here. He followed the speed limit. And Kim?"

"She'll be out in a minute. A few stitches on the head, but she's good. She barely got anything."

Fuck, how did Bella manage to get hurt the most? Was it karma? Was it the imprint gods telling him he was a shit wolf and this was his punishment? He wasn't sure. But instead of approaching them, Charlie was heading for the vending machine, where he began to slide in dollar bills for a chocolate bar.


	8. Twice in an Hour

Kim was discharged about the same time Jared and Sue arrived. Sue held onto Charlie with all of her might before they sat down.

"She's got a shattered femur, a bit of damage to her head," Charlie said, swallowing. "They won't know how bad the head damage is until she's stable enough for an MRI and her swelling goes down. But she's in surgery right now for internal bleeding." Sue gasped in alarm.

The others were released after a few hours, Emily needing to stay overnight, but she was fine. But Bella... "She's in surgery," Charlie said when he returned. He looked old, more his age. "They say she's got a shattered femur and a bit of damage to her head. They don't know how bad until she's stable enough for the MRI and her swelling goes down."

Leah arrived, looking a tad wild. "What the hell happened?" she demanded. "I've been at the club and I get a phone call from Sarah-"

"Everyone's waiting for news," Jared said. "We've got pretty much nothing right now."

It took forever. But eventually the stomach of the wolves proved to not outlast their worry, and Sam and Paul went off in search for some food.

"You doing alright?" Sam asked as they stopped at the vending machine, searching for something worth the ridiculous price. "You've been quiet."

"If I would have spoken, it would have just been every possible way to say fuck there is," Paul muttered. He spotted the coffee machine beside the vending machine, and felt like he needed something to make him feel awake. He felt like he was numbing out. Like he was losing touch with her, not that he had much of a bond with her in the first place.

"She'll be alright, Paul. You know she will. The bond makes it literally impossible for her to be otherwise. She's drawing from your strength, so the stronger you are the stronger she is." But they weren't even close. How could that work? That couldn't work for them.

The blinding pain caused Paul to stumble and crashing into the vending machine, putting a wolf sized dent into the side of it. "Jesus Christ, Paul, get yourself together," Sam demanded. But the pained whimper left Paul, unable to be stopped. He could not respond.

His chest felt like it was burning. Like someone had set a hot coal onto his chest and wouldn't take it off. And his vision was blurring, and the sounds were all becoming too much. His own heartbeat sounded like it was a hurricane and a tornado mixed into one.

"-aul? Paul?" Sam was calling. And when Paul blinked, Sam focused in front of him, looking worried. "Paul, you okay?'

"Fuck was that?" he muttered. He rubbed at his chest, and Sam followed the movement closely as he helped Paul to his feet. "Felt like I was burning alive."

"Did you… did you hear your heartbeat?" Sam asked hesitantly. "And you couldn't breathe?"

Paul eyed the Alpha strangely, a feeling of dread in his stomach, for the second time that night. He was really starting to hate it. "Why?" Sam hesitated. "The fuck, Sam? What the fuck was that? You better fucking tell me now or-"

"When I mauled Emily… It was bad," Sam admitted. "She wouldn't stop bleeding. I had hit an artery on her neck." Paul swallowed as Sam seemed to struggle. Oh, shit.. this wasn't… it wasn't that. "Her heart gave out in the ambulance. And… Fuck, Paul.. I had killed her. And.. they brought her back. But I just remember that sound. It's like your heartbeat and it's the loudest thing in the fucking room and..."

"She just… Bella just..." Paul couldn't say the words. His mouth felt dry and Sam winced as Paul's grip on his coffee tightened enough that it spilled all over him and the ground. "Did she just die?"

"But she has to be better now, they had to have saved her, because you're alright," Sam continued quickly. "Otherwise you'll feel the burning. I swear, alright? She's okay-"

"How long was I out for?" Paul demanded. "How long was she gone for?"

"Maybe a minute? A little less."

"Fuck." Paul tugged at his hair. "She just… I fucking… fuck."

"Do you need to step outside?"

"Stop asking me if I'm in control," Paul snapped. "I'm fine. That's the last thing I'm worried about right now."

"When Emily was in the hospital, I didn't even make it to the ER before I phased again." Paul knew. He had to deal with the shithead. "So I understand-"

"I'm fine," Paul snapped. "I'm not the one dying on the operating table." Sam winced. Paul grabbed his cup and the food he had bought, marching to the waiting room where everyone was sitting. Paul sat heavily by Jake, and tore into his bag of chips.

"We can't keep eating this," Leah said quietly. "We've got to start eating real food or we'll never be in good enough shape to get any kind of news. What do you want? I'm getting take out."

She logged the data into her phone and her, Sue, and a stitched up Kim left with Jared. And Paul leaned back, his fingers thrumming against the armrest as he sipped from the cold coffee in his hand.

Angela arrived nearly five minutes later, and the first thing she was asked was what she wanted from the Chinese restaurant. "Really? I was in a car accident and you want to know what I'm going to eat?" Angela demanded. There was a pause, before she sighed. "Szechuan Chicken." Leah was notified and then there was a quiet pause as Angela didn't seem to know how to ask. "Bella?"

She was mostly looking to Paul for the answer, and Paul dropped his gaze, swallowing. "We haven't heard anything yet. Just what she was brought in with. She went to surgery." Angela glanced to Jake, who had spoken, and Paul shifted slightly in his seat, his fist crushing the empty coffee cup as he tried to figure out what to do. What to say.

He didn't need to.

"We… we can't do the wedding without Bella," Jake said quietly. Angela didn't even look up from their clasped hands. But everyone else had turned to look at them. "I can't. Bella's my best friend. I've almost died for her plenty of times… I'm not doing this wedding without her."

"She's the reason we even met," Angela continued, on board with Jake. "I was her first friend at high school..." She swallowed, shaking her head. "The wedding doesn't go on without Bella. I don't care if it's a year from now, or three years… No Bella, no wedding."

"But Ange.." Sue pressed gently. "The weddings only two weeks away. Bella could be fine."

"Then it'll go on, but… but if she's got a long recovery… Weddings have been canceled sooner. No, I agree with Jake. I can't… Bella's been like my sister all throughout our senior year. I helped her out of her Edward slump, she helped me out of my Ben slump. I just… I can't get married when the main reason Jake and I even met is in the hospital… and we don't even know what's wrong yet. No."

"Bella would have wanted the wedding to go on, and she's going to be fine," Charlie insisted. "A couple broken bones, but she'll live."

"So will I but we have everything. We're just maybe changing the date. We don't even know yet."

But they knew. And only because Paul felt like he was burning again, and practically falling out of his chair as he gave a whimper of pain, this time feeling like he was about to throw up. It lasted longer. He was absolutely certain of that. His heartbeat in his ears was so loud that he knew they could hear it. And he whispered Bella's name as he dug his fingers into the cheap carpet of the waiting room.

Fuck, where was Bella? Why was she… why was she dying? Weren't they fixing her?

"Paul?" Charlie's voice sounded. "Paul, what the hell? Someone get a nurse-"

"I'm fine," Paul ground out. He squeezed his eyes shut, realizing he was twisted at their feet. And after a moment of gaining his bearings, he pulled himself to his feet.

"What the fuck?" Jake breathed.

"Bella," Sam said quietly. "He…" Sam exhaled, glancing to Charlie and Sue. Sue knew about the wolves, but Charlie. "There's a lot you don't know about us, Charlie. But let's just say that Paul… You've heard the legends. Paul imprinted on Bella, and …"

"And that?" Charlie demanded, his voice hoarse. "What was that?"

"Her heart stopped," Paul said quietly, rubbing his chest. "It happened when I went to get coffee."

"Stopped?" Charlie said almost inaudibly. Paul swallowed. And Angela let out a sound before she started to cry into Jake's shoulder. "But… but that's not-"

"She's okay now," Sam said. "She's got to be, otherwise I don't think the feeling would have stopped." There was silence, save for Sam and Sue explaining a few choice things about the pack to Charlie. But the more Paul heard about how imprint worked – how it was so happy and everyone fell in love and it was the greatest thing in the world, the more he felt his blood boil. That wasn't them. That would never, ever be them.

Paul pushed himself to his feet. "Paul?"

"I really, really need to go outside," Paul spoke out between clenched teeth. After that, he was barely holding himself together.

"I assume you're all here for Bella," a new voice spoke. Fuck, couldn't they just have a break?

Paul tensed and Sam held onto his arm tightly. "How is she?" Charlie asked, standing as well.

"Well," Dr. Gerandy said carefully. "It's… not the best case we've gotten. She was in pretty bad shape and we worked on her for a very long time." Fuck, fuck, fuck. "We were able to stop the bleeding and get her swelling down. She has a shattered femur, left side of her pelvus, and her arm was broken in three places, as well as a shattered hand." Fuck. "Her skull had three fractures and her jaw was broken in two places." Holy shit. "The deer quite literally hit her."

"Oh, my God," Angela whispered.

"She's stable, but we had to put her in a medically induced coma to help her heal. It's a lot of damage and it is best until she's more managable in her injuries before we attempt to wake her."

"How… how long will she be under?"

"At this point, we're planning at least two weeks, but once we induce a coma, especially with her injuries, she could not wake for another month."

Coma? Bella was in… Fuck.

"I need to go outside." Sam didn't even get a chance to follow. Paul was dodging sick people as he burst out of the waiting room. And as soon as he hit the treeline, he exploded. And he did not even think about when he'd be turning back. He just knew that he needed to get as far away from the hospital as possible, before he hurt someone else.

This was all his fucking fault.


	9. Pile of Rocks

Every exhale felt like a scream escaping from his lungs. He wanted nothing more than to scream, to cry. But instead his two front paws would dig into the ground with each exhale, pushing him further. It felt like he was shoving, pushing, punching the Earth for the shit that had been dealt these last few days.

Her whole left side was basically fucked. That was what the doctor had said. And he had left before he could get any idea on brain damage.

Fuck.

What if she woke up, and had forgotten everything about him? About the pack? What if she woke up, and she still believed she was in a relationship with that fucking asshole? What if she woke up and couldn't even understand what they said?

What if she never woke up?

It had happened with his dad. His mother had found him half falling out of his car in the garage. The shit had drank so much, he had put himself in a coma. He had died three days later, but not after waking up and not even recognizing his own name. He didn't know if he could take that… If he could take her dying.

He had fucked up so much, why couldn't something just go right? Why couldn't things go well?

It was all his fault. If he hadn't had called her a whore, she wouldn't have been so eager to get out of La Push. His last words to her before… fuck, she died  _twice_. And his last words were…

He felt Sam's presence in his head. They never bothered him for long, didn't even try to convince him to come home – truth was he wasn't that far from it. He was just outside Mahah and had only really gone up and down that small strip of coastline.

He wanted to be able to get back double time if something happened. If… He nearly snorted, if he hadn't been breathing so hard from running. Something already did happen. Something he probably could have stopped if he had… Jesus, he was literally killing her.

Three mornings after he left, Sam found him, naked, sitting on the beach in the shadow of Swan Beach House. He did nothing more than stare out at the water, and he would glance every so often to the pile of rocks at his feet. Rocks that he had been skipping a week ago, retrieved and drying in the summer sun. It wasn't raining today.

It was a first of the summer. And if he would have looked up, he would have seen the sunlight. "Paul?" Sam asked quietly. He didn't move to sit down, and he didn't move to get too close either.

Paul swallowed a lump in his throat. It was everything that kept him from bawling like a baby. He wanted to. But what would that solve? What would crying do other than wound his ego?

"I don't know how to skip a rock," he admitted. Sam didn't seem surprised by the revelation. "Isn't that the shit your parents teach you or something? I never learned. I just sort of… throw rocks at the water. And they crash. And that's sort of how everything is, isn't it? That I touch. It just sort of crashes and I never see it again. All those girls I slept with. Now, Bella." Paul's fingers found another rock in the sand and he crashed it on top of the pile, making them both flinch with the harsh clink of rock hitting rock.

"They've been planning that trip to Port Angeles for a week, Paul. That's why you got babysitting duty, and why I arranged patrols so that I'd be home," Sam insisted. Paul still felt like shit. "You didn't drive her to drink or anything. Apparently, she's quite the partier in Florida. That's what her friends told me."

Her friends. He hadn't seen them since he was at the crash site, but he knew they were on a flight home. From what he had caught in the pack mind, Renee and Phil were in the Beach House, trying to figure out their schedules so one of them could be here at all times. He could hear them now, talking about it. Sue had closed the diner for a week. Charlie had taken off work.

It was like she had died – died for good this time.

Sam sat down beside him, seeming to discover that Paul wasn't volatile. In all honestly, Paul felt the calmest he had in years. He could breathe, even though his heart felt constricted. He could move. He didn't even care what anyone thought of him now. He didn't care if they thought he had gone soft. He didn't care if they thought he had turned insane.

He just cared about whether or not she'd be okay.

"Are you going to put some clothes on?"

"I'm just going to phase again after a few minutes." He worked himself up, got himself thinking, and he was a wolf.

"How do you know?"

"Because I always do." Paul swallowed back an unworthy lump in his throat, and he felt tears prickle his eyes. He glanced down at the rocks, a hand tugging at his hair, getting sand in it. "I almost got her killed, Sam…" He took a deep breath. "I wanted her to teach me… how to skip rocks, I mean… She knows how, right?"

"I guess Jake taught her when they were kids," Sam answered.

Paul frowned. "I wanted it to be a sort of… thing to make us bond or some shit." Sam glanced away from him and to the water, that Paul had spent five hours scouring for the pile in front of him. "But I would have fucked that up too, probably."

"Hating yourself won't make her better." Paul fucking knew that. "Nor will it make everything fix itself."

"Her heart stopped. Twice." Paul dug his hands into the sand and pulled out another rock, adding it to the pile, harshly. "She died, twice, because of me. That leech just made her get lost in the woods. I'm worse than the leech."

"Maybe. But you want to do better."

"But I'm not good enough for her. She'll go back to Florida, she'll get some boyfriend, and then she'll get married – even though she says now she doesn't, she will - and she'll stay in Florida and forget about me. That's how it is going to be."

"Because you're not willing to be better?"

"Because no matter how much I can get better, I won't be good enough." Because no matter how hard he tried, he didn't try hard enough.

"Do you not remember driving to the actual crash site?" Sam asked him quietly. "You didn't even think on how you could help, Paul. You knew what you could do. You put her first. You drove Charlie to the hospital, because you didn't think he should be driving. You sat there until they told us she went under. You stayed in control for all of it. The Paul I know would never have been able to do it. But for people you care about, you prove me wrong. For Emily, you were always closest to her before I imprinted, you took charge. And for Bella… That's how I know you really care. And if you think you're the reason she's dying, shouldn't she see when she wakes up that you're not the asshole you were? That you can stay this way? Don't you want a chance?" Paul couldn't do it though. He didn't think he could. He was weak, and he would never be strong enough for that.

"I had a chance. I had fifty chances, and I ruined every single one before they even started."

"Do you remember when she was first here, and she was sick?"

"And she wouldn't stop mouth breathing," Paul muttered. He remembered.

"She really appreciated it. I know you messed that up, but she told Emily and Leah and Kim and Angela about how you actually left her alone and you were romantic and you got medicine for her. Or told me to get medicine, at least. She thinks you were the one to actually go out and buy it. She really, really appreciated it."

"I don't do that shit. The only reason I did that shit was because she was sick."

"Would you do it again, if she was sick?" Paul knew he would. "Or if she wasn't and she asked you to hang out?"

"Yes, but she would have to want that to happen. And that's not going to happen. Not anymore. There's no more chances left. I blew every single one of them."

"You're not even going to try?"

"Why? It won't change anything."

"It could."

"It's no use, Sam. Stop it."

"She's dying." Paul took a deep breath and clutched a rock tightly in his hands. "Every single hour she's laying there, her chance of never waking up gets greater and greater. If she dies, what will you do?"

"I couldn't protect a member of the pack. She's apart of the pack, whether she knows it or not. And... I got her killed." Paul felt like his throat was closing up, and fuck him, his eyes were getting wetter. "I don't know what I'd do. She's... Fuck, she's everything, and I destroyed her."

"Would you die for her?"

He closed his eyes as a few tears escaped and he brushed them away with his sandy arm angrily. "Fuck yes."

Sam just nodded. "Then show her that you care. Take anger management, find something that relaxes you. Get your anger out somehow. Or get it under control."

Paul felt the emotion burst from his throat and he hated the sound that came out. Something that sounded like Bella when she cried. "I'm such an asshole."

"Yeah, you are, but you can change that, if you really want a chance with her."

"Of course I want a chance with her," Paul insisted. "She doesn't want a chance  _with me_. Not after this."

"Then don't do anything. Wallow and wait for her to die."

"If an imprint dies, do we die?" He had been scared to voice it, but he needed to speak it, because he needed to know if he'd live with that his whole life. That pain. Maybe it would be better if it would.

"I don't think so. But I know that it will hurt a lot. Like what you felt at the hospital, but all the time."

Paul hated it. Because that pain was like ripping his soul in half. It was ripping them apart, and reminding him they'd never be together.

"She would have been better off with the leech. She'd be a leech by now."

"Would you want her to be a leech?"

"No. But she'd be happier, and she'd be living, if you can call it that."

"Bella wouldn't be able to live with herself for centuries, if she accidentally killed someone. You know that. She was never meant to be a vampire. She was always meant to be an imprint. She's nurturing, and she loves to feed the pack, for some odd reason. Cullen fucked her up. She has to feel needed, because if she doesn't... she thinks no one wants her around."

"And I basically pushed her around and away from everyone and treated her like I didn't want her around."

"Yeah."

"God, I'm such a dick."

"Could you imagine yourself being the man she deserves? Making her happy and smile?"

Paul cleared his throat at the emotion coursing through him. "No."

"You're supposed to at least try in your head," Sam snorted.

God, could he? He thought of the woman that would always smile and joke around with members of the pack. And then he thought of what she needed, when she was sick. How she just wanted him to lay there, and let her lay on him. And how he had requested medicine. If he was being honest, her breathing hadn't really bothered him all that much. She was sick. Everyone got sick. And everyone had trouble breathing at times. And what had really bothered him was that the only way he could help was by getting her medicine - how he couldn't physically help her. If he could act like he did then - if he could do that all the time. He could see something with her. He could see them having their moments, at least. He had no idea about the relationship aspect, but maybe friends.

"She told me that she hoped that my imprint would like me back," Paul remembered quietly. "She knew I imprinted on someone, and when she was sick, she told me that she hoped they liked me, because when I did shit like that for her, she could see me as a human being or some shit." Sam nodded. "She liked me, when they tried on dresses, she was crying about it in the dressing room after I called her a whore and... and she kept talking about how she always falls in love with men that destroy her. And ... if she knew about the imprint, and she didn't know it was her... God, Sam, I didn't even know she liked me, let alone… Fuck. She always calls me names and-"

"You call her names, too."

"But... that's different." Paul started to breath a little faster. "They just slip out. And she ... she knew about the imprint, and if she lik-loved me as much as she said, that had to have been... been awful. Because, if I think about her with another guy, I want to tear his throat out. And ... to know that the guy you like is destined for someone else? Or to think it, anyway-"

"Sucks."

"Like... Like you and Leah and Emily. And... Bella would be Leah. Only, she isn't. She's Emily, but she thinks she's Leah. And I should have just fucking told her. When it first happened. It was easier to talk to her then, because all I had to do was call her a leech lover and she'd laugh. We'd laugh. And we'd get into fights, but we'd laugh. Now, she hates it."

"She wants to forget about the Cullens," Sam said after a moment. "She just wants to forget about them. But you won't let it go."

"She told me she slept with a lot of guys," Paul said after a moment. "She's only slept with five. And one of them was Embry, while they were drunk. So... I mean, that doesn't really count, because she doesn't remember it that much. And... I kept calling her a whore because I thought it was a lot higher than that."

"Isn't your count up to the hundred and twenties?" Sam asked.

Paul swallowed. "Yeah."

Sam snorted. "You're a real piece of work, Paul."

"Why didn't I tell her? Why couldn't I just... tell her?" Paul gave a frustrated whine and tossed a rock into the sand.

"Because you thought she slept with Edward."

Paul swallowed, like a lemon was on his tongue. "I ruin every single moment. There isn't one time we've had a good time. I always ruin it at the end."

"I sent Leah to anger management classes when she first changed," Sam said carefully. "In Port Angeles. You should go, give them a shot."

"How do you do it? Anything I say to you would set anyone else off, but you ignore it."

"Because the last time I was near someone I loved and I got angry, I hurt her," Sam said simply. "And I don't know how she forgave me, but she did. And there are times Emily still looks in the mirror and I know she thinks about when I phased too close. And I still don't forgive myself for it. Any time you say something to me, I think of Emily's face. And I count to ten."

"Were the rocks really supposed to help?"

"I knew you didn't know how to skip them," Sam admitted. "And I knew it would make you frustrated and angry when it didn't work. Eventually, you'd grow impatient and leave. Or, you'd keep trying and when you phased, you'd wait until you calmed down and skipped some more rocks. And it would repeat until you learned to control it. I knew that if you kept it up that meant you were really trying. You didn't. You left. But now you're back."

"I need to get better, Sam. I need to be able to have at least one decent conversation with her. And I need to get better for myself. I'm not helping myself, I'm not helping anyone, getting mad at everything, causing problems... Mom would hate what I've become."

"She would." It just made Paul feel like shit. He was being the man that had ruined her life. The man she had made him promise he would never be. But when she had died, Paul had spiraled. And he spiraled hard. "You should visit Bella, just once. You need to see her."

"I don't think I can." He would definitely not be keeping the secret then.

"Charlie listed you as family. You can visit her anytime you want, even past visiting hours." Sam watched as Paul seemed stricken by that. "He knows about everything now. The imprint, the pack… He knows you really care about her, Paul… You've always been family to him, we all are, but … I think he'd really like it if you'd stop by and saw him too."

Paul swallowed. "I might phase. That's the last thing the pack needs."

"I think you really need to see her. I've ordered the pack to not think about her when you're phased. Because you need to see her yourself."

"Will you come with me? If ... if I start to phase, I don't want to hurt anyone."

Sam nodded. "Sure, just let me know when."

Paul took a deep breath. "Now."

"How about some clothes, first?" Sam suggested. Yeah, clothes. That was good.


	10. Clunky

Just sitting in the parking lot of the hospital made Paul feel close to phasing. But he listened to the sound of the car's motor, of the humming, and took a deep breath. He had to do this. He had to see her. He had to know… He had to see her broken so he could focus on making sure she was built up again. He had already seen it once, before it even meant anything. After the leech had left her.

This was different. This was … after he started to see her as something.

"She's on the sixth floor." So high up. But Paul followed Sam, the shoes and clothing feeling foreign on him. It had felt like forever since he had last worn them. But was it really only three days ago when he was staying over at Sam's?

They went slow, and whenever Paul felt like it was too much, like he was working himself up or getting too overwhelmed, they'd wait until Paul calmed down again. Sam had the fucking patience of a saint. Paul hated him for it. Sometimes he wished Sam would just get angry about something. But he never saw him angry. He never saw him remotely angry in the way that you were supposed to be. He was just firm.

Fucking perfect wolf.

When they reached her hall, Paul paused and swallowed, clutching the wall.

"We're almost there," Sam insisted. "She's about four rooms down." Paul took a deep breath, breathing in all the artificial scents of alcohol pads, too clean floors, and sick people. This was the coma ward. But each room they passed, Paul could just smell death. Cancer. Terminal illnesses. He didn't know how he knew what it smelled like, maybe he was just making it up, to make the walk feel worse. But he swore he could smell something that wasn't right in the air around him.

Until they got to her room. Sam lightly knocked on the door with the back of his knuckles.

"Is she going to answer?" Paul asked, a tad sarcastic, but his will wasn't in it. He was about to see her and he didn't know what she even looked like.

"No, but a nurse could be in here. It's polite," Sam said under his breath. He opened the door, but didn't swing it open entirely. Just a crack. Just enough for Paul to smell the soft floral scent she carried on her. She was a rose. Soft, but hard when she wanted to be. And sharp. She hurt just to try and get in his grasp. A pain that Paul hadn't much thought of before. But one that he would happily endured if she walked out of here. If she would let him. "She's in pretty rough shape, Paul… I just want to warn you." Paul swallowed, nodding, but Sam didn't budge. "She's not in pain, but she's covered in wires and tubes and a few casts… She doesn't feel any of it. It was the first thing Charlie asked… But she looks… When I first saw her, I didn't even think it was her."

What did she have? A caved in skull? But that wasn't even something to joke about, because thinking of her with that… fuck. It killed him inside. Paul nodded again, and Sam opened the door all the way. At first, he didn't know it was her. Like Sam said, she was covered in something everywhere. A blanket kept her lowerhalf covered, but it bulged in a way that it hadn't before. Paul had practically memorized her form sleeping on Jake's couch when she was in high school, what she looked like when she was laying on top of him. It was all wrong. Blocky, chunky. He focused on that first.

"She's got a leg cast and there are a shit load of pins in her hips to keep them somewhat straight. She's not as swollen today, but they say that she still won't be normal until it starts to heal." Paul swallowed. Fuck. His gaze traveled up to her arms, where an intricate set of metal was sticking out of her hands. "They had to restructure her hand." It was nearly purple from bruising. What else on her was bruised, that they couldn't see? Fuck…. Her arm had a cast as well, and he saw people were already signing it. Friends, family. People that had heard and traveled to see her. He recognized a few as people she went to High School with. People that came to the graduation party on the reservation. And then he looked to her head.

His breath left him in a silent whimper. Jesus Christ. Her eyes were completely bruised. And her nose was crusted with blood, as if it had just dried from bleeding. It was broken, a strip pressed against it to help it heal. It was a common thing for a broken nose to cause eyes to bruise. Hell, he had a few broken noses in his day. He knew that. But it wasn't what caught his attention the most. It was the gauze taped to her face, down her jawline where he knew there would be scars from the surgery they had to do to repair the damage. Sam was explaining everything they had done, but Paul wasn't listening anymore. There wasn't some part of his face that wasn't bruised. And following the gauze, he saw that some of her hair had been shaved from the left side of her head, along the stitches.

He couldn't get any closer than he was. About four feet away from the bedside. "I… I can't do this."

Sam stopped talking and glanced back to Paul. Paul couldn't move his eyes from her lips, cracked and scabbed from where she had probably bitten them in the accident. Jesus fuck. She was so much worse than he had pictured in his head. He had pictured her to look perfect, to look like she normally did, just asleep. Not… not this.

"Just breathe," Sam said quietly. "She's not going to jump up and scare you or anything. Focus on keeping your breathing even." Paul nodded. He could do that. He started to count in his head, breathing in time with that. And when he got close enough to hear her heartbeat, his breathing began to match that instead. He calmed down.

She looked awful. Like an angel that had crashed onto earth. "She doesn't feel anything," Sam continued quietly. "They're keeping her medicated. They're keeping her fed. Emily sits by her while I'm at work and reads to her a few books she found in Charlie's garage. Her old stuff from high school." Paul glanced to the stack of books on the bedside table, where a few cards were also sitting. "Charlie's here between work and when the hospital staff kicks him out for not taking care of himself. Jake and Angela are here every morning. She's only alone at night."

Her heart monitor was beeping steadily.

"Are they post-poning for sure now?"

"Yeah," Sam said quietly. "They won't do it without her." Paul figured that Bella would be pretty pissed when she woke up and found that out. She was always pissed when people did things for her. That was why that "Pre-wedding" party they held was called that. Not a "Welcome Back" party. She would have thrown a fit about how they were making a big deal about her. She didn't like to be in the center of attention. She didn't like to be in the spotlight. Paul understood that.

"They say if you talk to her, she might be able to hear you."

Paul snorted. "Right, because that's what she wants. Me to talk to her and she's unable to tell me to get the fuck out. Or to say something back." Paul chewed on his lip.

"Her favorite book is Wuthering Heights." Paul didn't even know what that meant. But he glanced towards the books again and found the title. "You okay?"

"Yeah… I think so."

"They don't want you to touch the wounds, but you can touch her other hand and hold it if you want to." Paul shot Sam a look that told him he was clearly losing it. He wasn't going to do that shit. "I'm going to leave you here. I'll give you the week off for patrols, until you figure shit out… sit with her."

Paul was about to protest, but no. Sit with her. What if he couldn't sit with her again? What if when she woke up, she wouldn't want him near her? Fuck, was it selfish to want to sit with her now?

"I should go-"

"Paul, you know you need to see her." Paul knew that. He needed to remember this. Like he remembered Emily. Because Bella was his Emily. Only, she was nothing like that at all. Sam said a quiet hello to Bella, promising he'd be back tomorrow, and then the door clicked shut behind him.

Paul stood there for a moment, silent, unsure of what to say. And then he moved slowly to the chair on the opposite side of the bed, on her uninjured side. "I'm just going to say it because no one else has probably said this yet, but you look like shit." Paul paused, as if waiting for her to jump up and start telling him he was a piece of shit, so he must know. But she didn't. And he swallowed, rubbing his face with his hands, before he exhaled. "It's pointless to talk to you if you don't talk back. That's the whole point, to get you riled up. It's… fuck, it's really funny when you're angry. You're really… kinda cute or some shit. Don't quote me on that if you can really hear me." He took in her hair again. "You'll be pretty pissed when you see your hair, though. Fuck, they sort of gave you an awful haircut."

She looked ... like she was in pain. His eyes darted to the heart monitor, where it beeped steadily. If she felt anything, would it beep faster? He didn't know how long he sat there in silence, before his fingers lightly touched her hand. He almost wanted her to flinch away. Anything would have been better than her steady breathing and stillness. It was unnatural. It was … not Bella.

His fingertips lightly touched her knuckles, and then down her fingers, before he pulled his hand away sharply. Was it… considered like molestation? He was touching her without her consent. And… fuck. He just wanted to hold her hand. "Sorry," he muttered. He leaned back in the chair, crossing his arms. Her skin was soft, warm. And … frail feeling. She felt so frail. When Charlie came, with his lunch, Paul shifted in his seat, clearing his throat, before standing.

"No, no, you sit down," Charlie insisted. But Paul didn't. He let Charlie have the chair. "Nice to see you're back. Where were you?"

"Running," Paul shrugged. "You know, just… everywhere."

"Yeah," Charlie agreed quietly. "It's good you're back… I know about..."

"Yeah," Paul said awkwardly. "Sam said."

"Does that mean that… you really love her?"

Paul swallowed. Fuck, he didn't know. He never said it outloud before. But he exhaled and seemed to deflate slightly as he glanced at her. "Yeah. We've had our ups and downs, but yeah."

"You were pushing her away, Sam said." Fuck Sam. Why the fuck was he telling Charlie this? But fuck him, Paul respected no one like he did Charlie. Charlie was one of the guys, really. Him and Billy. Charlie could down a few beers and talk about a game that was on with no problem. Charlie cared for no one as much as he did Bella. "You know, in high school, especially after she started hanging out with you guys, she always got…" The words seemed to choke him a minute and Paul stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to do. "She'd come home from the reservation so happy. She'd talk about how Jake and you would get in a fight over a hot dog or something, and think it was the funniest thing. She talked about you all the time after… you know, the other one left."

Paul swallowed. Shit. She… she started to like him back then? Why didn't he fucking say anything? He could have said something and prevented all of this. "She's something else."

"I just wish she'd wake up," Charlie sighed.

"Yeah, me too."

"They don't know if she'll have brain damage or not from the crash. Memory loss or anything…" Charlie reached for her hand, doing exactly what Paul had stopped himself from doing, and clutched it tightly. "Thank you… Sam said that because of the imprint, she's stronger than she would be on her own."

Paul nodded as Charlie glanced up to him for confirmation. "I guess. That's what they tell me." Charlie glanced back to Bella. "We're not… we're not safe when we're angry. I just… she makes me so angry."

"Because you've never felt like that about anyone before," Charlie said quietly. Paul tensed. What the fuck was Sam telling him? All of Paul's secrets? Fuck. He needed to have a talk with his alpha. "So you tried to push her away, so that she'd be safe."

"It's the only thing I know how to do," Paul admitted. Charlie heard and met his eyes. "Push people away. Make them hate me. My dad did it. I do it." Paul shrugged like it was nothing, but it was eating him away. "She's safer without me."

"She would have really died without you, son," Charlie insisted. "I may not know much about you guys, but I know that it's because of you my little girl's still alive." Paul swallowed at the tears in the man's eyes and tried to look away, but couldn't. "And she's going to be okay. Because of this love at first sight stuff you guys do. The same thing as ducks apparently."

Paul snorted. "Yeah. Imprinting." He glanced back to Bella, his arms crossed. "Thanks, Chief, for the talk… I should probably go."

"Back to running?"

Paul shook his head. "Nah, I haven't slept in three days. I'll start there and figure everything else out after that."


	11. Wuthering Heights

After a much needed nap and some food – a whole dinner of three boxes of macaroni and cheese and two packs of hotdogs, he was growing idle. He didn't know what to do. Around his house, he probably could have done some good with cleaning or even throwing out some of the shit that he didn't need. He also really, really needed to do laundry.

But he found himself back at the hospital, standing outside Bella's door. Jake and Embry were in there with her, talking about everything from politics to what happened on patrols that day. When they saw Paul hesitating at the door, Embry stood up fluidly. It made Paul surge with a touch of anger to see that he had been holding her hand, but he let it go. Fuck was he going to do? But it gave him some satisfaction to see that Embry looked terrified of him. Good. His message had sunk in.

"Wasn't looking at her like that, I swear," Embry spoke as Paul entered the room.

Paul rolled his eyes. "We'd have a lot bigger problems if you two were getting it on in the middle of the room with Jake and I here." Embry held his breath. And Jake snorted.

"You okay, man?"

Paul shrugged, glancing towards Bella. He categorized her, took in if anything had changed. From what he could remember, nothing much had changed. He didn't know if he really expected much to change. "Charlie said you were here earlier," Jake said.

Paul shrugged again, shoving his fists into the pockets of his shorts. "Sam said I needed to." He drew his eyes from her to Jake, and Jake seemed to be watching him carefully, but not critically. Like he was glad to see Paul. It was a nice change, for once. "It's… it's pretty bad, huh?"

"Yeah," Jake sighed. "But she's holding in there." Paul didn't know what to say so he awkwardly nodded. "Are you staying a while?"

Paul shrugged. "And do what? She's not going to talk. She doesn't want me here, probably. Just sit here and be like some giant elephant in the room."

"More like wolf," Embry snickered.

Paul cut a glare to the twerp. Embry sobered immediately. "I can still rip your ass apart, just say another word, kid."

"Yeah, I'll wait for you in the lobby, Jake," Embry said too quickly to be a natural thought. "I'll see you when you're done."

"Yeah," Jake said faintly. With the other seat left unoccupied, for some reason they had added a second chair, Jake offered it to Paul, who sat. "It's good to have you back, man."

"I wasn't really gone."

"I know. But… it was pretty quiet without you around." Paul shrugged. And flexed his hands over the arm rests. What was Jake looking for? What was he trying to talk about? "Ange's worried you're going to ditch us. Head off to nowhere's land."

"No, that was your sister. The one that I didn't screw." Jake growled in warning, but Paul didn't even find satisfaction in getting the Alpha-in-Training riled up. He stared at Bella's unbruised hand. The one that had somehow escaped the damage. The only thing to remain untouched by this injury. "I heard a few nurses talking on my way in. They say even if she was awake, she wouldn't be released until she's able to walk. They don't want her to possibly bother any of the surgeries."

Jake exhaled. "Yeah, which means that she'll be in her for a lot longer than just the coma."

"At least she doesn't feel it."

"Yeah," Jake said quietly. "How long are you staying for?"

Paul shrugged. "As long as I feel like it."

"Do you want some food?"

He shook his head. "Already ate." But he didn't mention that he was starting to feel hungry again. Stupid wolf stomachs. He just wanted to sit in silence.

"Okay. Well I'm going to go down and head home… Text me when you leave, alright?" Paul just nodded and watched as Jake said an extremely emotional goodbye to Bella that made his throat almost burn. And when the door shut, Paul sighed as he stared at her. She looked the same.

It had been so long since he healed normally, that he forgot what the normal time ration for this stuff was. So he pulled out his phone and looked it up. Pretty much two months for everything to be back to normal strength. And a shit ton of weeks of therapy. Fuck.

"This is all my fault," Paul murmured. His phone fell to the ground and his head buried itself into his hands. And for the first time in what felt like a long time, he cried. He bled his soul dry with the tears, until he couldn't cry anymore. She didn't move. God, he was such a baby. Why was he such a whimp?

The heart monitor beeped twice quickly, before it went into the normal rhythm. He sat up straight, as if she was about to crash on him, and glanced between her and the heart monitor. "Don't you dare get worse on me."

But the monitor didn't so much as beat off tempo again. As Paul dropped his gaze, wiping away the last of his tears, he spotted the stack of books. A bookmark was sticking out of a thick one, but it was the thin book that had a creased cover and everything on it that made Paul hesitate. Wuthering Heights. Sam had said it was her favorite. He had no idea what it was even about. He just knew it was old.

Older than his ancestors had learned how to write old.

He wasn't planning on leaving anytime soon, and the book did seem to be short… He slid it off the top of the pile, thumbing through it to see that the print was tiny as fuck. Great. Maybe he would be here all night.

Maybe it was an excuse for him to stay here all night.

There was an inscription on the cover, written in handwriting too nice to be from Jake or anyone he knew. And he tensed as he read the first words. "Dear Bella." Fuck.

Had the leech given this to her? Had this… this been some sort of gift from him that she had cherished? And then left behind when he left her?

He continued reading. "As you're writing this, you're seventeen and madly in love with someone too good to be true. With your Edgar Linton." And scrawled on the margin it said, "And you've just discovered your Heathcliffe after Linton left." The fuck did that mean? "Yet, despite knowing he's the most self-obsessed, selfish ass in the entire book, there's something about that undying devotion of Heathcliffe – that never ending love that you find fascinating. And you want that. At least, you think you do. You do now, at least. And sometimes things are too good to be true. I have a feeling that we're going to learn that every time Linton gives you that smile with his gold eyes. Let me give you a piece of advice. Linton isn't the guy you thought he was when you first read this book freshman year and fell in love with him. You want a Heathcliffe. You want a selfish asshole that will make you feel alive. You want someone who will love you unconditionally. And if he becomes too much, you know that you can always have your chance to walk away, if he's ever bad like Heath was, but he will love you. And right now, that's all you want. You want the love to feel real for once – you want it to burn and to hurt and to feel like it's alive. You want to feel like YOU'RE alive. Like your heart can't take anymore. I hope you're happy now. I hope that you didn't make that mistake with Linton, because you would have regretted it for eternity. Find your Heathcliffe. Find someone that's worth  _living_  for. Love 17 year old you."

Fuck… had she been thinking about breaking up with the leech? And who was the Heathcliffe she was taking about? She said she had found him. He didn't dare hope it was him. But he was the only asshole that Bella really knew her senior year of high school.

So he decided to read. And he got the whole story.

He didn't understand why it was her favorite book. It made his head hurt, and he wanted to throw the book down because he didn't really care all that much for what was going on in it. But she did. And fuck him, he kept reading aloud. Until the window behind him turned bright with the morning sun, and he knew someone else would probably be coming to see her. He managed to finish the book, only stopping a few times to figure out what some words meant, or how to pronounce them. And with the words coming to an end, he could hear the sound of Jake and Angela down the hall, stepping off the elevator. He set the book down, and unintentionally reached forward, grasping her hand with his.

"I.. er, will probably be back tonight, not that you'll bar me from coming or anything, but… yeah." He cleared his throat and released her hand, still feeling her burning touch in his palm. And he stood just as the door opened.

He didn't bother saying goodbye. It wasn't like she was going to say it back.

But the entire drive back to the reservation, he couldn't get the image of her bruises out of his head. He couldn't stop thinking about her body being strapped to wires and broken and... God, he hated it. Hated what he had done.

As soon as his truck parked itself in front of his house, he started to make the to-do list. And after a long, suffering sigh, he got to work.


	12. Like Family

Paul found himself staring at the idiots around him, his arms crossed, and his jaw clenched. All it had taken was a quick search on the internet to find this place. A free meeting and a guarantee to help.

He felt warm in the shirt. Warm and stuffy. And the people around him stared at one another very judgy. Too judge-y. He could handle Sam's look of disappointment. But these strangers had no right to judge him. He didn't attack some stranger because they looked at him wrong in the store. He wasn't that bad.

Was he?

"So, everyone, we've got a newcomer." Paul shot a glare to the overcheerful guy. "Would you like to tell us your name?"

He released a puff of air. "Paul."

"Great. Paul, why are you here today?'

Paul didn't really know how to explain it. Everytime I get angry, I explode into a wolf, and if it keeps going on, I'm going to hurt someone. "I get angry a lot… at everything," Paul shrugged. "And I want to get rid of it before I accidentally hurt someone." A certain someone in particular.

"Wonderful!" the man said warmly. "Now, how long have you been getting these uncontrollable anger bursts?"

Paul shrugged again. "Since I was a kid. But it wasn't a problem until I was sixteen."

The man nodded. "Very good. Now that everyone's introduced themselves, let's start talking about some techniques to use. One of my favorites is counting to ten in your head, backwards. And exhaling as you do so. Let's try it."

This was pointless shit. This was… a waste of his time, really.

He sat still in the meetings, not offering up much. He went for a week, every day. And at the end of the week, they asked him to talk about his past.

Paul had bolted. He didn't quite understand what a room full of strangers needed to know about his past for. It wasn't like it was a secret – hell, the whole pack knew about it, and Charlie had been called to their house enough times when he was little to put the pieces together. It wasn't a secret that Paul's dad was a piece of shit. Those that needed to know about it, knew. But he would be damned if he was going to walk around and tell it to every Mary Sue and Billy Bob on the coast of Washington. It was private.

He didn't go back.

He found sitting in Bella's room to be a more calming experience than he wanted. And whenever he caught himself growling, his thoughts taking him miles away from the book he was reading to her, he would stop abruptly and mutter an apology.

She wouldn't wake up. Every time he would finish the book she loved so much, he'd hold his breath. Was the reading good enough that it would wake her up? He didn't know.

He just knew her bruises were starting to go away. By the second week, the gauze around her head had been removed so that he could see the scarring. It wasn't as bad as he imagined. But her jaw had scars from where they had to stitch her together. From the surgery. From the deer. From everything. It was scarring that went all down her left side, escaping into her hospital gown. He could smell Leah's scent in her hair, and he knew that she was the one to braid it back so that it didn't give away how unkept she was. She was given baths regularly, but it still didn't shine like it used to. It still didn't carry her scent like it used to.

There were days he would make sure he was downwind, just to catch a scent of her shampoo. Something he would get pissed off at himself for later, but his wolf had enjoyed. He had hated her so much over something so stupid… Over something he really found he didn't care that much about. She hadn't slept with the leech. But he had slept with pretty much everyone else.

Fuck, he was an idiot.

He closed his eyes, his growling stopping. "Sorry," he muttered. And then just a hint louder, he began to read again.

By the first month, certain pages of the book were memorized.

And then he learned that she was off of the medication that kept her under, and she just wasn't waking up.

He had barely made it to the woods before he phased.

By the second month, he had ripped out a side of his home to start rebuilding it. It was something he had been thinking about for years, but decided needed to be done. It took his mind off of things when he wasn't at the hospital or working. Or doing patrols.

He barely slept. He counted probably a total of six hours a week. Maybe an hour a day. Maybe less. He didn't know anymore. He just knew that if he stopped keeping busy, he'd get angry. If he stopped working, he'd think about what he should have done. If he stopped reading, she'd never wake up.

If he stopped reading, he would be giving up on her. If he stopped reading, she'd be gone.

By the third month, he was working around the rez on the side, repairing things that needed fixing, helping with things that others couldn't. Babysitting was the worst of the jobs, but he found most of the kids were alright with a gruff guy telling them to finish eating and to shut up. He hated kids. He helped the oldest lady on the reservation garden, and when it got to be too silent, his mind starting to work itself up, she began speaking. She told him all about her children and grandchildren, her long gone parents and grandparents. Some of her words would slip into Quiluette. Some of them were too out-dated for Paul to understand. But he listened to her, so he wouldn't have to listen to himself.

By the fourth month, he was at his wits end. He read Wuthering Heights almost desperately to Bella. He built the new kitchen that his house needed – it hadn't been updated since his parents had bought the place in the eighties. He ran pathetically on patrols. And he would listen to the old lady even more as she invited him over to fix her washer and dryer.

His patrols were being cut in half. Paul had protested when he found out, but Sam gave him a stern look. "Look at you, Paul. Like, really look." Paul gritted his teeth, dropping his gaze to his feet. He was running out of clothes, from phasing so abruptly, but whatever money of his that he had tucked away (the little mortgage he had to pay off was barely anything, and he wasn't home often enough to use the electricity or water beyond a quick shower twice a day and a bit of tv to drown out his thoughts as he took a nap) was going into rebuilding the house. Into keeping him busy. He would buy a few clothes, but nothing substantial. Just shorts.

"You're a lot better, but now you're starting to get worse in other ways. You aren't taking care of yourself. You're… when was the last time you even had a full night's sleep?" Paul didn't answer. "What do you do all night?"

Paul bit out a sigh and rubbed his eyes. "I read to her."

Sam raised an eyebrow, surprised. "You what?"

"Wuthering Heights. I… you know, read it to her," Paul muttered, shrugging it off like it was no big deal. Like he was embarrassed by the statement. "Every night. Cover to cover."

"I… I didn't know that," Sam admitted. Paul shrugged. He hadn't told anyone. It wasn't a big deal. "So when do you sleep?"

Paul hesitated. "I don't."

Sam sighed with the news, and cradled his head in his hands. "You're killing me, Paul. You… you're doing great. You're doing things you said you've wanted to do but never had time for. You're practically rebuilding our parent's house. You're helping people out on the reservation. You're being a nice guy. But… you aren't do anything good for yourself, either. You're just… pushing everything away, distracting yourself."

"Anger Management didn't work," Paul shrugged. "This does."

Sam sighed. "I know. But… Jesus, Paul, I'm worried about you. I'm worried you're overworking yourself. You're going to drop dead on your feet. I think Jake insulted you three times on your last patrols and you didn't even say anything." He had? That fucker. "He was really worried. Even if you don't get angry, you at least have something to say back. But you weren't even paying attention. He was barely getting anything going on in your head. So… promise me that with these fewer patrols, you'll fill in the time with sleep. That you'll sleep so that you're taking better care of yourself?"

"Yeah," Paul muttered. "I promise."

"If I find out you aren't, I'll Alpha order you," Sam warned. Paul gritted his teeth, but nodded. "I mean it."

"I know."

"We're just worried about you."

"She was supposed to wake up three months ago," Paul said quietly. "I'm worried about her."

"She'll wake up," Sam promised him quietly. And Paul stiffened as Sam got closer, but let himself be pulled into a hug. "You know she will. Bella's always been a pain in the ass. She's not going to start giving us a break now."

Yeah, Paul supposed.

"Charlie's been worried to. When he leaves for patrols, you're working on something in your house. And when he drives back in the morning, you're working again."

Paul shrugged, stepping out of Sam's grasp. "Yeah, I just… you know, want to get it done."

"It's also starting to get cold out. It's supposed to snow next week," Sam said pointedly. "If people think you're working outside shirtless and building a side onto your home, they're going to think you're insane. That's not what normal people do."  _So stop for the winter, maybe?_ was not said, but understood. Paul just shrugged and nodded again. "You're sort of… wallowing in disgrace… It's nothing to be ashamed of. You're doing better. You just need to start taking care of yourself, too. Maybe sleep at the hospital, if you want to stay the whole night."

Yeah… He could probably do that. He wouldn't be comfortable, but … Paul didn't really feel like leaving her alone all night. It was the only time of day that she was alone. And… if he was her, he wouldn't want to wake up alone.

The fifth month, some nights he'd be interrupted as they took her to tests to determine what was still wrong with her. Charlie refused to give up. Paul was pretty sure he wouldn't let him give up either. She would wake up.

Some nights, on Charlie's night off, he'd come and sit with her too. And that was the only night that Paul didn't read. Reading to her… had become something intimate, Paul felt like. Something private. Something he didn't want to be intruded on. Reading to her was like a fantasy in Paul's head. It was something that was between them. It was something that was solely theirs. Something that wasn't witnessed by the outside.

Fuck him, it was something he looked forward to every day.

But he didn't mind it when Charlie was there. It was then he could nod off, and wake himself up as he accidentally snored or something stupid like that. Charlie didn't seem to mind it, if it happened.

He'd just sit there and sigh every once in a while, shift in his seat, and hardly take his eyes away from her. "She must really mean something if you're here every night."

Paul wondered who had told him. Charlie had only started coming at night around two weeks ago. Fuck, was it Sam, again? He had already laid into him about telling Charlie pretty much everything, ever.

"The nurses notice," he supplied when Paul was silently brooding. "They think it's romantic. And that you're married." Paul snorted at that ridiculous notion.

"She doesn't want to get married," Paul said quietly. "At least, that's what she told her friends. So, don't worry about that, Chief. We didn't elope." But just the word elope brought back the plague of memories of the day at dress fittings. Fuck, he had almost forgotten about it. "Besides, I think Vegas is a little much."

He chuckled softly, as if agreeing. "Renee and I went there, you know." Renee. Paul had been avoiding the woman. She cried whenever mention of Bella was brought up. She lived at the Beach House, calling her husband every evening whenever Paul drove by on his way to the hospital. He hadn't meant to eavesdrop, but she always did it outside, and he always kept his windows down to help with the heat that practically radiated off of him. She visited Bella in the day, not for a long time, but Paul supposed if there was nothing to do, it would get pretty boring after a while. She would go with Sue during lunch sometimes, or breakfast with Jake. Something. "Eloped. Came back to two very pissed off families. And after we got kicked out, we got a little place together, I joined the force, and Bella was born."

"Yeah?" Paul found himself asking.

"I was never happier than the day she was born. And when Renee…" Charlie sighed. "She left, you know. In the middle of the night. She never wanted to stay in Forks. She had loved Vegas, but like you said… it's a little much. I liked it here. Forks was home. And she took Bella with her. I didn't think I'd ever see her again. Renee was… she still is a pretty spiteful woman, if she's scorned. I refused to move. I refused to give up the life I had made here."

"You did good, Chief."

"We were only nineteen. But I think… Bella remembers the aftermath. She grew up in it. I never wanted her to see that. But the court refused to give me custody, and Bella was sent off to Phoenix with Renee. And Renee… Bella would come and visit me for two weeks every summer. Two weeks. Was I really that awful of a father that I only got to see her for two weeks? People in prison see their kids more."

"You're..." Paul nearly choked on the words. "Fuck, Charlie, you're the greatest father in the world. There's a reason Bella wanted to move in with you for high school. I mean, there's a reason she's so happy here, and it's because you're here. She could care less about the pack or her friends. When I called her and told her about the wedding, the first thing she asked me was if you were okay. You know, after that bender with the pounder cheeseburger you and Billy faced off with." Charlie chuckled at the reminder. "She still doesn't know you two were idiots and did that, by the way. I kept that part quiet."

"She'd have been so angry," Charlie agreed. "And insisted to move back to cook me real food."

"She makes really awesome lasagna, doesn't she?"

Charlie grinned. "You should try her imitation fish fry. Oh, I think Harry would have had a run for his money if he ever had it."

"She made it for her graduation party," Paul said quietly, at the reminder. "Yeah, she did great."

"She's always done great. Even with Cullen, she was always doing something awesome, you know? Getting into Dartmouth. I never even dreamed of that for her. And afterwards with the guys, she had restored a motorcycle with Jake, saved the world-"

"Technically, she helped us catch one vamp. That's not really saving the world."

Charlie shrugged as if it wasn't really a difference. "She's been … saving the world for a lot longer than I thought, you know? She's been fighting things I couldn't protect her from. And now this..."

"Yeah, I know exactly how you feel," Paul muttered.

"I just wish I could have been there for her more," Charlie admitted. "That I would have seen her grow up. Helped her tie her shoes. Learned more about what she liked, instead of being that awkward dad that never really knew her. Just having her here in high school was… It was a dream come true."

"Yeah," Paul agreed. But he understood Charlie. In some way, they were the same. They both wished they had spent more time with Bella, gotten to know her better. But where Paul had pushed her away himself, Charlie had been forced away.

"After I dragged her to enough fishing trips with Billy and Harry and Jake and Seth, she started to refuse to come up here," Charlie admitted. Paul swallowed at the emotion in the older man's voice. "She would head to California, to where my mother was. And we'd meet up there instead."

"Look at it this way, she would have met that fucker a lot sooner if she had been coming up here." It was the right thing to say, because Charlie seemed comforted by that. "I hate him for what he did to her. When Sam and I found her..." Paul swallowed. "I didn't even know who she was, really. I just knew she was your daughter. And I knew that she meant a lot to you. And you were someone I really looked up to as a kid."

"I was?" Charlie asked in surprise.

Paul shrugged uncomfortably. "I always knew when you'd come to my house, you would take care of it. You'd let my dad sit the night in jail and sober up. You'd give my mom some peace, even if it was for the night. Every time I called, or she called, I always prayed it'd be you that showed up."

"I… I didn't know that."

"You were really something. You still are." Paul cleared his throat as the old man seemed to tear up with the declaration. "To have a daughter like that, you have to be." He really was sounding like a sap. "She really loves you, too, you know. You said she'd come home and talk about the guys, but when she was with us, she'd always be talking about you. About what game you were watching, and she'd have Embry and Quil explain who won and what happened, so that when you got home from work, you'd have something to talk about. Or, you know, something funny you said." Paul shrugged again. "She adores you."

"If… if this is all going to turn out good, can I count on you coming to dinners?" Charlie asked.

Paul swallowed the lump in his throat at the idea of attending family dinners with the Swans. "I'd like that, I guess. I don't know. Bella doesn't know anything about… the imprint, or anything. She thinks I imprinted on someone else. Not her." Charlie gave it a considering thought. "I broke her heart a lot, Charlie… I made all of this happen, and… I'm sorry. I really am. I wish I could go back to her senior year and just tell her everything then."

"When she wakes up, you'll tell her, though?" Charlie asked. "If everything's alright, you'll tell her and help her heal?"

"I'll do whatever she wants me to do." Even if it was grovel on his knees whenever he saw her. Even if it was give her a massage when she hurt. Even if it was sleeping on the front door stoop. He'd do it. As long as she wanted him to. As long as she spoke to him. Fuck, he didn't even care if it was an insult. He just wanted to hear her say something to him.

"Just promise me that… that you won't do what Cullen did to her." He'd rather kill himself than do that.

"That is a promise I really intend to keep." In all honesty, anyone can do better than that shit did. Even a fuck-up like Paul.

"I love you like a son, Paul. I'd really like to have you as one some day." Paul didn't mention that he practically had begged whatever deity would listen that he wanted Charlie to be his dad as a kid. That he had wished every minute he could trade his dads to have someone like Charlie. But then that would mean that Bella would have been stuck with a … and his childhood wish had vanished. No, he would have gladly taken his dad to spare her from that asshole. He was just stricken that Charlie actually thought of him as family. That Charlie felt like he was someone to be proud of.

Fuck. "I … That means a lot," Paul said, his throat feeling thick with the emotion that he was feeling. He had never felt so emotional in his life than he had these last few months.

"When she wakes up, I don't want you to push us all away again, you hear?" Charlie returned, just as sternly. "Because I won't stand for it. You've showed me you deserve to have my baby girl. Now show her."

"Yes, Chief." Paul cleared his throat.

"And if I ever catch you sneaking out of my house in the middle of the night, I will arrest you and you will spend a month in jail, do you understand me?" Paul gave the man a wide eyed stare, and a nod. Jesus, what the fuck? He wasn't even dating Bella. He didn't even think he'd get the words out before she'd slap him again. "You either stay the whole night or not at all. Unless you've got patrols. But Sam's giving me your schedules so I know who should be wandering around and who's up to no good."

Did Charlie just… give him permission to stay the night at his house with Bella? Was he dreaming? Had he fallen asleep? Or had Charlie finally lost it?

"Er, yes, sir."

They were silent for the rest of the night, until midnight when Charlie left. And then Paul picked up the book, and began to read. And he found that he barely had to look at the pages anymore. He spent most of the time watching her as he spoke the words, and most of the time, he wondered if Heathcliffe was him… and if she really thought he was as bad as Heathcliffe… if she thought he'd dig up her grave and practically worship it. That was fucking creepy.

He just sat by her lifeless body and read to her like it was a daily ritual.

Fuck. That wasn't… creepy, was it?

But he held her hand as he finished and clutched it so tightly, he worried on if he was hurting her. And he surveyed her. All of her casts were gone, her external pins removed. She looked normal. She looked… like the Bella he knew. She just wasn't awake. She just wouldn't wake up. His hand was hesitant as it reached up to her hair, and he gently tugged on the elastic of a braid, until it came undone. And he wanted her to sit up and yell at him for it. He wanted her to wake up.

"Wake up," Paul whispered. "Please… just, wake up."

And he finished off the braid before he put the elastic back in, and stood as he heard the elevator ding. And he left. There was no goodbye. There never was.

It was two weeks later, as he laid under the car that Jake called his name, far too excited in the freezing winter breeze. Paul slid out, covered in grease and bits of oil, and he shot Jake a glare. "Go take a shower. Bella just woke up."

And that was all Paul needed to drop his tools and practically sprint home. He didn't think much over the fact that the water hadn't even warmed up yet. He just washed himself as fast as he could before he threw on whatever clothes he could grab, and then he was driving towards Forks, unable to stop the stomach-dropping feeling he felt.

And he came to the realization that she didn't know anything that he did. She didn't remember the long nights he'd spend with her. She didn't know about the reading. She didn't know about him helping out on the reservation. She didn't know about him rebuilding his shithole of a house. Only he had done that. Only he had seen it. She hadn't… Fuck, what was he supposed to say to her when she woke up? She didn't know any of that… The last thing she'd remember of him was when he called her a prostitute. A good one, but still a prostitute.

"Fuck," he groaned. And when he parked in the parking lot, he waited for Jake to get there. Because he was not going to walk in there alone. He needed someone to remind him to stay … stay better. He had to stay better.

Or it would never work out between them.


	13. The President

Bella woke to Charlie and Renee crying. Well, Renee crying, but Charlie awkwardly trying to comfort her. And almost immediately, the guys started to show up after Charlie called them. Doctors came, they poked and prodded at her, asked her questions. Asked her what she last remembered. “I was at Sam's,” Bella said, her eyes darting to the wolf she was talking about. “Picking up Emily to go out for drinks. And we were driving and… the car kind of exploded.”

 

“You hit a deer,” Charlie said quietly. “And your car overturned and fell in a ditch.”

 

Bella covered her mouth in horror, glancing between the wolves that were there. Sam, Jared, Kim… “Where are… Is everyone okay? I didn't kill anyone, did I?”

 

“No,” Renee insisted. “No, everyone was okay. But you… you got the worst of it, sweetheart.”

 

And that was when her eyes caught the window. It was snowing. It was actually… “How long have I been… what happened to me?” she demanded.

 

“You've been in a coma for six months,” Dr. Gerandy said gently. Bella's eyes widened in surprise. Six…

 

“But I have school-”

 

“Everything's been taken care of,” Charlie insisted. “Don't worry about that right now.” Bella moved to take the blankets off of her, but Sam stopped her with a stern look.

 

“How about only a few people be in here at a time?” Dr. Gerandy suggested.

 

“We'll be in the lobby,” Sam said.

 

“No,” Bella insisted. “Sam can stay. I… I have questions for him.” Renee looked ready to object, but Charlie gave a nod in agreement. “What happened?”

 

“A deer ran out in front of the road,” Sam said after a second, realizing it was directed towards him. “It slammed into your car, right into you, really. Your friends said that you didn't even have a chance to see it to react. You were going full speed.” Bella felt her eyes widen. “You broke your leg, your hip was shattered, your arm, your hand… your jaw and your skull.” Bella glanced down at her hands, seeing that one had a few scars on it from surgery. “Your heart stopped in surgery twice. And you were put into a coma to help you heal, but that was six months ago. And after a month, they tried to wake you up, and you didn't.”

 

Bella shook her head. “No, Kim and Emily and Angela – oh, God. Angela was in the car-”

 

“They're fine. Kim had a few stitches, Emily had a concussion and Angela broke her arm. Nothing compared to you-”

 

Bella groaned. “She had a broken arm for the wedding… Shit, I'm sorry-”

 

“Bella, they canceled the wedding,” Sam said quietly. “They couldn't do it while you were in the hospital.” Bella's words died in her throat.

 

“What?” Bella breathed.

 

“Yeah, they canceled it the moment they knew you were going into surgery. They were waiting for you to be able to walk out of here. They would visit you every morning. And we'd all see you every day. Even Paul, he came every night and stayed with you all night.”

 

Paul? Bella frowned slightly, in confusion. “What?”

 

“He read Wuthering Heights to you,” Sam said awkwardly, and Bella glanced to the pile of books he was gesturing to. She reached for the one on top. Her old copy of Wuthering Heights. And her breath left her in amazement. Paul had read to her every night? “Cover to cover once a day. I think he's got it memorized, because all he'd think about were whole passages of it on patrols most days.” Bella glanced up to Sam, to see he was entirely sincere. “He… he blames himself for the accident. He's… he's really sorry for what he said before you left.”

 

But a knock at the door interrupted whatever Sam was going to say next, and Bella glanced towards it sharply to see Jake there, grinning, with Angela and Paul. She pulled the blanket off and with the doctor's help got to her feet, where she hugged Jake tightly, and then Angela.

 

“You two are the biggest idiots in the world,” Bella insisted. “You should have gotten married! You'd be tanned from the honeymoon still.”

 

“It didn't feel right,” Angela insisted. She gave Bella a warm smile though. “You may have only been back two weeks, but honestly it felt like we were in high school again and … when you got hurt… I was so worried, Bella. You weren't waking up and the accident … I thought you were dead-”

 

“Well, I'm definitely not dead,” Bella winked. “Though, I do think my rear end is showing through the back of this gown so… hold on.” She grabbed the blanket and tied it around her waist, careful of all the wires. Just the few actions alone made her feel exhausted. She hadn't moved in months… She didn't even know if she could walk. She was mostly leaning on the bed rail. Her eyes darted to Paul.

 

And she made a split second decision that she didn't know if she'd regret down the line. She didn't know if … Sam had to have been lying. There was no other solution. “Hi, I… uh, didn't catch your name.” The room seemed to take in their breath and Sam and Jake simultaneously glanced to Paul, like he'd phase right then and there.

 

“Paul,” he said after a moment. And the word was like it was being ripped from his throat. Like it hurt to say. He exhaled and his shoulders dropped slightly. Bella watched it with rapt attention.

 

And then she gave him a smile. A smile she wanted to give him for a long time. “Sam said that you were here everyday reading Wuthering Heights to me. Thank you.” Paul shifted uncomfortably and Sam looked like a deer in headlights.

 

“Yeah,” Paul swallowed. He dropped his gaze to the hands stuffed in his pockets. “Yeah, no problem.”

 

“How do I know you?”

 

“I just… am friends with the guys. Mutual friends made us… know each other.” Paul cleared his throat.

 

“Oh… well, we're probably close, right? I mean, why else would you read to me, right?” She paused, and then back tracked. “Wait… we aren't… dating, are we? Because, if we are, I'm-”

 

“No,” Paul interrupted quickly, his eyes jumping up at the word “dating.” “No, nothing like that. We really can't stand each other. Scream at each other. You know, tell one another we hate each other, call the other names.” He seemed to stop himself and straightened his shoulders. “Right, I'm going to go to the lobby with the others. You guys… have fun.”

 

“I'm glad you came, Paul,” Charlie said in the silence.

 

Paul glanced to him, and Bella watched as he seemed to inflate a little. Like a puppy being given a treat. What the hell had happened while she was asleep? What happened to Paul? He hadn't said a single curse word yet. “Yeah, me too.” The words were a touch sarcastic, and when he left, he shut the door quietly behind him. She watched his figure disappear and there was silence in the room. Until she was certain Paul had gotten to the elevator. Or at least far away.

 

“Is he out of hearing range?”

 

“Of course he is,” Renee chided her. “You know that-”

 

“Yeah,” Sam interrupted.

 

Bella closed her eyes as Dr. Gerandy began to take notes and sat down on the bedside, releasing a breath. “Sorry, I just…”

 

“Do you really not know who that man is?”

 

“Paul Lahote,” Bella spoke carefully. “He's twenty four years old. I'm twenty two… Jesus Christ, I'm twenty two years old… He lives on the reservation, three houses down from Charlie's. He works at Jake's mechanic shop and-”

 

“Did you just-” Sam bit back the words she knew he was going to say. “Did you just fake memory loss to him?”

 

Bella opened her eyes, and sighed again. “Can I have a minute with Sam, Jake and Angela… please? I know I just woke up and there's probably doctor's protocols and everything, but I need to talk to them and … I just really need to figure out what the hell is going on and I want answers from them right now and-”

 

“Bella, honey, why don't you let the doctor's do what they need to first-”

 

“No,” Bella said firmly. “I need to figure out what's going on. Who's president, because I didn't get to vote. And what happened to my car-”

 

“Of course,” Dr. Gerandy said. “Just don't tire yourself out, or stress yourself out. I'm going to ask that while a doctor isn't in the room, you stay in your bed so as not to injure yourself. And then once you're all done, we'll run an MRI to see what you've got going on.” Bella nodded in agreement. And as soon as they were out the door, Charlie dragging a protesting Renee, Bella rubbed her eyes with her hands.

 

“I'm sorry,” Bella admitted.

 

“None of this was your fault,” Angela insisted. “That deer came out of nowhere.”

 

“I know, but … you were supposed to get married. You've been together for four years. This was supposed to be your moment… Your big day and of course I was the one driving. You guys should learn by now not to give me lots of responsibility. I attract danger like crazy.”

 

Jake gave her a grin. “Yeah, but we can look at the positives. Now we have another year to mess around or change our minds.”

 

Angela smacked his chest with her hand, half-heartedly and approached Bella, sitting on the other side of the bed. “Why did you fake memory loss?”

 

“He didn't read to me,” Bella said flatly, glancing between the three of them. “So, what game are you playing?”

 

“Bella, you just woke up-”

 

“Yeah, well, if you're going to lie to me, I'll lie to him.”

 

Sam sighed. “Alright. I'll prove it.” He pulled out his phone, and dialed a number, putting it on speaker.

 

“What, Sam?” There was the angry tone Bella remembered.

 

Sam pointed to the book on the bed but Angela was already moving for it. “What does the eighteenth page of Wuthering Heights say?”

 

“I don't see what this has to do with anything, Sam,” Paul bit out, irritated. “She doesn't remember, okay? I'm just some useless piece of-”

 

“Paul!” Sam snapped. “What does the first line say?”

 

Bella heard him growl and held her breath, leaning towards Angela to see the page herself. “Not my son, assuredly.” Bella stared at the phone in Sam's hand in amazement. “Heathcliff smiled again, as if it were rather too bold a jest to attribute the paternity of that bear to him. “My name is Hareton Earnshaw,” growled the other, “and I'd counsel you to respect it!”

 

Bella's eyes darted to Jake, who was smirking like he discovered gold. And Angela, who was giving Bella an “told you so” smile. Paul had… read to her. Fuck. And she had just… Shit, she had made this a lot worse. Shit…

 

“Thank you,” Sam said. “I'll talk to you later. Go cool yourself off.” Even Bella knew the last sentence was a command. And the phone turned off before she could hear a response.

 

“I… I thought it was a dream,” Bella admitted. “I just… kept dreaming the movie with Ralph Fiennes… the 92 version. And …” Bella swallowed. “I mean, it was constant. The movie was just on repeat in my head. I… that was because Paul was reading it to me?”

 

“Yeah, I guess,” Jake said quietly. “I mean, I knew he was staying the night here. He would always come right when I was about to leave in the evenings. But… he never said anything about it.”

 

“It helped him calm down. He started to go to Anger Management classes, and he'd come here and read to you. And he said that it really helped him…” Sam gave her a look. “So why are you lying to him?”

 

“I didn't think he'd… I mean, I get if he feels guilty. But… it wasn't his fault, either… He has to know that. And… if he did read to me then… there had to have been a reason, right? Not just the anger thing… I make him angry. I mean, I just have to walk into a room and he starts to growl.”

 

Angela snorted. “Bella, he's completely in love with you. He's so angry with himself for not telling you sooner.”

 

Bella sucked in a breath, like Angela had just said something extremely foul and unexpected. But Bella felt like she was going to have a heart attack. Paul couldn't have been… no. That was ridiculous. Paul was the guy that would just see her enter the room, and call her a whore. He was the guy that would walk down the street and spit on her car or something. He was the guy that wouldn't let her forget the leech she had dated.

 

He was the guy that would call her at random points in her day, once a month, and make forced conversation.

 

“He has been since … I don't know when. But when your heart stopped… twice, really, he hasn't stopped working on making himself … in control.” Bella swallowed at Sam's words. Her heart had stopped? Maybe she should have talked to the doctors first. That was much easier news to swallow than this.

 

“He can't love me,” Bella insisted. “He hates me.”

 

“We really shouldn't be telling you this, but honestly, I can't have him hold it in anymore,” Jake said suddenly. “Look, Bells, we love you, but we love Paul, too. And I didn't think we'd be friends with him, but he's one of my closest. And screw it, alright? He's not going to say anything until he calms down, and you're stubborn as hell, so look. He's always been a screw up. There's no denying it. And he pretty much ruin everything good he has. And you know just as well as I that every moment he's had with you, he ruined it with his temper.”

 

“Yeah...It's always fine until something sets him off,” Bella agreed slowly. “But that doesn't mean anything-”

 

“He didn't sleep. I mean, I don't even think I saw him eat much, and you know how much we love to eat. Hell, he barely talked. He was so worried about you that he didn't even worry about himself. And with someone like Paul, that's pretty hard to do. When he first found out, he went awol for like three days. He's been rebuilding his house, to keep his mind off of - I mean…” Jake gave her a sigh. “Look, he's in love with you. And all that he thought about was that lame book and you lying in this bed. So. If combined with the imprint, that doesn't make him in love with you, I don't know what does.”

 

Bella blinked. “What imprint?” Sam groaned.

 

“You're so fucked,” he muttered to Jake.

 

“Shit, Bella… I'm sorry-”

 

“He… he imprinted on me?” Bella whispered. An imprint was a lot different than just falling in love with someone that you hung around with. An imprint was… oh, shit.

 

“I know it's completely unfair of me to ask this of you, but he's my best friend,” Sam said after Bella seemed to try to swallow that news down. Angela clutched her hand tightly, in comfort. They all knew? All of them, and… Was that why he had called? Was that why Sam made him call? Because of the imprint? “He has been since we were kids. I promise that he's changed. I promise that he's not the same Paul that you knew four years ago. That you knew six months ago. So, if you keep this charade up, you better not break his heart. Because Paul's my brother, and I won't let that happen to him. Not after everything he's been through. I love you, Bella. You're like a sister to me. So, if you're going to do this, and be serious about it, then watch how he is. Watch how he acts around you. See if he's different. He's trying his best to be good enough for you. Just watch him.”

 

“He imprinted on me?” Bella whispered. “When?”

 

“Uh, when you slapped him in the face in my backyard,” Jake insisted.

 

“I know you two don't get along… but maybe a fresh start's best. Maybe we can use this to our advantage. Make him think you don't remember… tell him that it's temporary, and...” Sam was one conniving friend, she would have to remember that. But… yeah. Okay.

 

Bella swallowed, nodding. “Yeah… Yeah, okay. So what, I lie to him for a couple of months, and then what? When he learns the truth, he's going to go ballistic.” Even Sam winced at that image. But Bella sighed. If Paul had read to her… had practically memorized the book, then… maybe they were right? Maybe Paul was different? Maybe Paul… was cool now?

 

“The night you kicked him out for the Edward thing, he came straight to my house and begged me to help him with his anger." Bella swallowed. "The night you were talking to Stephanie in the changing room, he heard everything, and he punched a hole through Jake's shed. I know he's been awful to you, and you can choose to go back to Jacksonville once everything's good, but just stay a few weeks and see if he can be better. He wants to, but he's so ... stubborn and just..."

 

"An ass," Bella muttered. She sighed. "Fine. Just a few weeks. I'll keep it up. And then I'm going to tell him that I do remember."

 

“He doesn't need you to be nice. He just needs a chance to prove it to you,” Sam said quietly. “And he can't do that if he thinks you hate him. So…”

 

“So make him think we can start over, and start off as friends. And when things are going good, tell him.” Sam and Jake seemed to nod, but Jake still looked a little sick.

 

“I'm so going to die because I told you. Sorry, Ange.” Angela just giggled.

 

“It was really nice knowing you, Jake.”

 

Bella glanced between the three of them. “And that's it? That's… that's all that's been going on?”

 

“Charlie knows,” Sam admitted. “About everything. We told him… he saw Paul when your heart stopped.” Bella showed them her confusion. “Uh, well… basically, the imprint makes us aware of it. And it's the worst pain in the world.” She still was confused. “You feel like you're dying. And Paul felt that twice. And Charlie saw it and… we had to explain everything to him, from the imprint to the pack...” Bella felt her eyes widen. “Yeah, even vampires. We didn't tell him about the Cullens though… I didn't think his heart could take that.”

 

No, probably not. Jesus Christ. She glanced down to the book, seeing that it was more worn than she had ever remembered it. The corners of the pages were bent in some spots, like it had been dog-eared. There were little pieces of paper shoved in some parts, torn off from the notepad beside the bed. She opened it quietly to one of the pages with a tag, and saw that there wasn't anything really special on the page. Nothing that was profound or deep. She certainly hadn't placed the markers there. She didn't want to ask, either, because she had a feeling who had. Who had bookmarked her pages. Who had worn this book well beyond its years. And somehow, it made the book feel… intimate. Like … like something really … precious.

 

“What day is it?” she asked, glancing up.

 

“December fourth.” December fourth. She had twenty one days until Christmas. Three weeks. She swallowed. “Almost six months exactly.”

 

Yeah… June tenth was the party in Port Angeles. “Do you… do you have pictures? Of my car?” Bella asked quietly. She was just starting to realize that this was real. It was starting to sink in. She had almost died. Well, she had died, but she had almost died for good. And … Renee was here. Had Renee been here the whole time? “It had to have been…”

 

“It's all fixed, but…” Jake dug into his pocket, pulling out his phone. After a few seconds of flipping through some pictures, he passed it to her. “You can keep flicking through. There are a few. I, uh… went with Sam and Jared to tow it back to the shop. Try to fix what we could.” She didn't have words for what she saw. Her fingers on her left hand felt stiff, but she worked her best to curl them around the phone, testing out the strength in them. She would need to work on that. “The blood's either yours or the deer.” Shit… It was… shit. She kept flicking through them, taking in the amount of blood, the twisted metal, the nearly non-existant driver's side.

 

“They had to pry you out,” Angela said quietly. Bella felt tears fill her eyes at the overwhelming urge to cry. She didn't remember anything but flying through the air. She didn't remember the pain. She didn't remember much of the accident other than that. And then it had been blackness for six months, other than that Wuthering Heights movie on replay in her head. Or certain words. Indian words that she could vaguely understand the meaning to. She brushed away the tears, scrolling through more and more pictures. So many pictures. So much emotion. And then the last picture wasn't the accident. It was Paul. It was Paul curled up in the tiny visitor chair, with Wuthering Heights in one hand, almost dwarfing the already small copy, and his other hand around one of hers. He looked extremely uncomfortable. He looked… awful. Dark circles around his eyes, hair disheveled, shirt too tight on his body. But, she did, too. She was pale and her hair was in braids – her hair was still in braids, she found when she raised a hand to touch them. But it was proof. Phsyical proof that it was real. That he had actually be there.

 

That he had read to her.

 

That this wasn't all a lie. Jake seemed to realize what she had stopped on. “That was last night. I… I forgot my wallet here, and I came back…” Jake cleared his throat. “Yeah, that was uh… every night. From the time I left to the time someone got here in the morning.”

 

“Do I still have a cell phone?” she asked quietly.

 

“Uh… yeah,” Jake said uncomfortably. “A new one, but the same number. Your old one got a little ruined.”

 

She just nodded and she pressed a few things on his phone, before the image was sent successfully. She needed it, for some reason. She needed this picture. It was proof. Proof that he was … actually real. That he had actually imprinted. That she had been in a coma. That she had woken up.

 

“He doesn't know I took that, so if he ever sees that, I'm going to be risen from my first grave, and put into a second.” But Bella ignored Jake, flicking back over the pictures of her car.

 

“So… is it a good idea to bring the doctors and your parents back in yet? I need to go deal with Paul before he ruins another pair of clothes, and you need to see if you have any issues in your head,” Sam said pointedly.

 

Right. Bella had been asleep for six months. “Yeah… They can come back. Thanks...” She passed Jake his phone back. “And who's president?” Jake snorted in amusement.

 

But it wasn't really that funny. She had missed her chance to vote for the first time. It really pissed her off, almost as much as Jake and Angela post-poning their wedding.

 


	14. Fresh and Frozen

Maybe he thought she was asleep. She had, afterall, been laying down with her body tilted away from the door.

But he walked around the corner of the bed and they made eye contact. He jumped as if he had seen a ghost. "Er… hi," he said awkwardly.

"Hey," Bella greeted. Paul. He stood there, until she lifted herself onto her elbow. "Are you going to stand there or sit down?"

He seemed to flush a bit in embarrassment, and sat down. It had been three days since she had woken up. Three days since he had proven that he had read the book every night. "I keep forgetting you don't remember me. Paul."

"I know," Bella smiled in what she hoped was encouraging. "Bella."

He snorted. "Yeah, I know."

She stared at him a moment. "So… did you really… read to me? I mean, Sam called to prove it. But..." Paul clenched his jaw, but shrugged. "You could have easily just memorized it yourself and then just sat here staring at me like a creep."

He shrugged. "Maybe I did both." It was funny, and she giggled.

"Well, how do I know you're actually a good guy and Jake wasn't just lying to me?" Bella threw to him with a grin.

"What do you want?" Paul snorted. "A list of references?" Bella couldn't help but laugh and she saw a small smile peak out on his face. It was nice, she decided. Probably underused but she hadn't seen it in… well, since senior year of high school. He smiled all the time then. "I've got a long list of girls..." He cleared his throat, glancing away from her, his smile falling. "I guarantee they won't tell you anything special about me."

He sound so… dejected. Bella gave him a smile. "Well, I'll give you a good reference if you need it. Sweetheart to people they hate, apparently." Paul snorted again, and she saw the smile poke through again. She pushed herself up so that she was sitting, and Paul shifted in his seat, and though she could see him trying to hide it, he couldn't hide the way his lips curved up slightly. She could see the imprint. Maybe she always could, that was why she let herself feel how she did. Maybe… maybe he never needed to tell her. Maybe she just needed to figure it out herself.

Though she hadn't, but it was still a start.

"I don't hate you," Paul admitted after a minute of silence. "Never did, really. Just… you made me so angry."

"Why?" Bella asked carefully. She didn't want to push him, but she wanted to get it out there. "You'll probably have to spell it out for me, but … they say I'll remember soon enough." She would have to. Because she didn't want to ruin this. She didn't even know why.

Paul had broken her heart more than she cared to admit. Paul had hurt her more than she ever wanted to. Paul had made her feel alive – made her feel something. After so many months – and years of feeling numb – just being near him made her feel something again. Feel human again.

And the brief smile that filled his face, a big one that was never shown, well… it made her feel breathless, and it felt like all of her nasty scars from his words had healed. He looked… so broken. Had she done this to him? Had she broken him?

"You know about the wolves?" he asked.

She nodded. "All of the legends."

Paul swallowed, but his eyes closed, as if steeling himself for something – for a backlash he didn't want. "What about imprinting?"

"Like… what Sam and Emily have," Bella said carefully. He couldn't have been… he was telling her about the imprint? He released a haggard breath and opened his eyes, nodding. "Yeah… I know about it."

It wasn't a lie. She knew all about it.

"We haven't had the best start," Paul admitted. "We… barely knew each other, really. Just… One day, you got really mad because Jake couldn't see you anymore." She remembered. She nodded to tell him as much. "Yeah, well… Sam and I showed up with Jared, we heard yelling… Jake had slept in for patrols anyway, so we were going to wake his lazy ass up." He cleared his throat. "You got really angry. I mean, I sort of provoked but… you slapped me." Bella raised an eyebrow. "I was … I was a goner." Bella swallowed at the pain in his voice – the raw ache in his throat. "I was so angry that I phased… I almost killed you."

"But you didn't," she pointed out.

"But ever since, everything has been … well, sort of like that. I either explode or get you so angry that you can't even think straight. And we've always been like that. It's sort of been… our thing, you know?" Bella nodded carefully. "I imprinted on you..." The words were light a weight off his chest and he sagged into the chair, his arms crossing. "Fuck, and I screwed it all up. It was easy at first, to forget about it. I was such a dick to you, but you would always laugh it off. And fuck, I liked making you laugh about it. But by the time you left for Florida, we changed… I stopped making you laugh when I realized you weren't …" Paul swallowed. "You know Cullen?" She nodded almost immediately. She didn't want to talk about him. She really, really didn't. Not after how long she was out. "Well… I thought you two had…" He didn't need to finish. "Anyway, I … I didn't want the sloppy seconds. It was such a … a dick thing to think, but… fuck, I couldn't stand the thought of you loving him like you couldn't me-"

"Paul," she said carefully. She was about to tell him right there that she was faking it, but Paul shook his head.

"I'm sorry." She blinked in surprise at the words. "I'm sorry I was such a dick. I'm sorry I treated you like shit. I'm sorry that I wasn't … I wasn't there for you… like I should have been."

Bella leaned forward, grabbing his hand and unwinding it from his crossed arms. "Paul… You don't… It's okay. I know… I know you didn't mean it. Because…" But she couldn't tell him. Not when he looked so hopeful… "How about a fresh start? Remember? We'll start fresh. And… and everything we should have done then, we'll do now." Paul swallowed. "Yeah?"

Paul exhaled. "Why would you do that? Why would you do that, when you know you'll just remember and it'll all go to shit again-"

"It won't," Bella cut him off. "I won't let it. Not unless you promise me… that we can try. Imprints are a big deal… That was four years ago, Paul… why did you let yourself…?" She didn't know what to say. She knew the answer. "I don't think you're a piece of shit. You probably smell like one after patrols or something, but…" It elected a small smile, not as bright as before, but something. "I don't know how long it'll take for me to remember." God, the words felt like metal in her mouth. But she continued. "But we can prove that we can be better than that. Yeah?" Paul swallowed.

"Yeah."

"So let's start over." He nodded sagely and she gave him a warm smile. "I'm all yours."

He swallowed. "I don't… fuck, just because we're imprints doesn't mean I own you or anything… shit-"

"No," Bella insisted quickly. "No, that's not..." Suddenly she understood when he stopped immediately at her speaking. She needed to talk to Sam. She needed to as quickly as possible. Because this behavior was so different that she knew it stemmed from something deeper – something that she didn't know about. "I'm my own person, I know you're not going to own me." Paul cleared his throat again, but Bella gripped his hand tighter. It wasn't as strong as it should have been, but they were working on it. She spent hours and hours during the days working on it. And on walking as best she could. It was just the strength of getting to her feet that caused problems. She could barely do it, and only with using her arms to help her up. "A fresh start."

"I just… I want to warn you that I always can do shit, and it's normal, and then I fuck it up somehow-"

"Then we'll deal with it when it gets to that point," Bella said, not worried in the slightest. Because she could see it. She could see when he knew he had messed up. It meant he was sorry. That he knew he was doing something was wrong.

It was more than she could say for someone else she knew. "I just… I'm sorry… Because usually when I fuck up it gets me angry and I phase and so… if it happens, and you don't see me for a while, that's probably why… and fuck, just… I'm sorry in advance-"

Bella gave him a smile. "I'm glad you told me… Did I know before?"

He shook his head. "Fucked up before I could tell you."

Bella hated this. She hated who he had become. It was… it was heartbreaking to watch. "Well, now I know. And I think… I think we'll be happy." Paul met her eyes in surprise. "You can never hurt me, Paul. I know you won't. If you could hold yourself back enough for me not to get hurt when we first really met, then… then we'll be fine." She gave him a warm smile. "Though, Charlie's got to be pissed if he ever finds out about this."

"Sam… Sam told him everything," Paul admitted. "He knows." Bella chewed on her lip, worried. "Fuck, I don't know how that man does it, but he takes weird shit well too…. He's fine as long as we …" Paul shrugged, stopping himself. "As long as I don't do anything to really fuck this all up."

Bella released him, sitting back on the bed. "I can't believe Charlie knew before me." Paul snorted. "He hasn't… threatened you with a gun, has he?"

"Worse," Paul admitted. "He told me that if I ever screw up like Cullen did, he'd be really disappointed." Oh, wow… And that… that was worse than if Charlie shot him? "And that I better not push you away again."

"Again?"

He shrugged. "I push people away. It's easier."

Bella frowned slightly. "Well, you won't push me away this time, right?"

He nodded. "Right."

Bella nodded back. "Then let's see where it takes us." Paul took a deep breath. "We'll just… Try."

He nodded. "Yeah… Try will be good." She gave him a warm smile, which he returned.

"So, what do you do?" Bella asked. "Work at the res or-"

"Jake has a mechanic shop," Paul shrugged. "I work there during the day. And in the evening, I have patrol."

"And then you come here at night? Do you sleep?"

He shrugged. "Not really. Haven't slept well anyway for… months."

Since she was in here didn't need to be said. She got it from his words clearly enough. "Well..." She scooted over and patted the empty bed space. "I don't know if you'll fit, but come on."

"Huh?" he grunted blankly.

"Come on, James Dean. Hop in before I change my mind."

"Don't you have a billion wires and-"

Bella shot him a look. "I'm asking you to sleep in the same bed as me. And I know we can both fit if we get creative. So, either hop in or stay in the uncomfortable chair. But if you usually stay the whole night, you are getting some sleep. And I am, too."

Paul eyed the space for a minute, before he stood. "Fine, but if the Chief sees, this is all your fault."

Bella shot him a cheeky grin. "Gladly." If they didn't jump into things, if they didn't jump into this new change, then they would be hesitant about it for a while. So this had to happen… They had to start somewhere. "Besides, we're young and we're reckless… what do they expect when they get two kids in their twenties in a room together?" Paul raised an eyebrow. "We have to break some rules. So, either get in or the nurse is going to think we're going through a rough patch. She asked me today if we were married."

Paul snorted. "Yeah, apparently they all think we are." But he stood from his seat and eyed the spot. "I don't think I'll fit."

Bella raised an eyebrow. "Now, that's not thinking very creatively."

"Why are we doing this? You don't even know who I am?"

"No, but I know enough for me to trust you. So… I don't think this needs to be said, but don't fuck it up." He snorted as his own words were tossed back to him, and he climbed into the bed carefully. It was a little cramped, but Bella hummed in satisfaction before she turned on her side, facing away from him. "Thank you, Paul… for coming here every night."

"They said that you might have been able to hear..."

"I did have the 1994 version of Wuthering Heights in my head the whole time I was out. Like a movie on repeat," Bella admitted. Paul finally settled and she closed her eyes as she felt the heat of his werewolf blood radiating on the bed. At least she was able to convince the doctor to put her in normal clothing – a t-shirt and shorts. It made this all the less embarrassing. But she kept her eyes closed. "So… thank you."

"Yeah… yeah, anytime." And for some reason, the words were probably as sincere as he had ever spoken. She fell asleep when she felt his arm wrap around her, and his warm breath fell onto her neck.

It was a peaceful sleep. One that she would have gladly repeated. Because it was really…. Well, relaxing. She could dream of something other than the movie or the Cullens. She could dream of them.

Of a future that they could have had.

It was nice.

The night repeated for the next week, Bella getting stronger with each therapy session, until she was able to move herself out of bed on her own. From what she understood, from the six months she had been in a coma, four and a half had been working on helping her keep her muscle mass and keeping some of her strength. The constant time spent with the nurses in the day time had kept her in good enough shape for her to stand and hug her friends when she first woke up. But walking was a struggle. She could took it, but it was grueling, and it took forever just to make it across a room.

When she was discharged nearly a week and a half later, she still didn't have enough strength to walk upright on her own, but that was why she had been given a walker… A freaking walker just like her grandmother had.

While Dr. Gerandy insisted it wasn't permanent, she had still glared at him, but accepted it. It was better than laying on the couch all day until someone was there to help her get to the bathroom or bedroom.

To make up for it, Charlie and Renee offered to take her anyplace she wanted for food. Real food. Food that wasn't pudding or yogurt or too salty mashed potatoes. "Taco Bell," Bella said immediately.

And though it probably wasn't what they had in mind, they got the food and then sat in the parking lot in Charlie's cruiser, munching on tacos and burritos and eating everything from the menu that they could fit into the order. "You sure you'll eat all this, Bells?" Charlie asked as he looked over the two bags of leftovers.

Bella just shot him a grin. "Yes, I'm absolutely sure." Besides, if she didn't eat it, then the werewolf that had been visiting her every night could. Wolves always loved food.

"I just..." And Renee began to cry, again. It was more annoying than it was heartwarming, Bella felt. Renee hadn't stopped crying. "I'm so glad you're okay."

"Renee… I'm fine. I just want to go home and sleep," Bella insisted. "And then work on getting rid of that stupid walker before I take out a window."

Charlie snorted. "Sue would kill you."

Bella laughed. "Probably." It took them ten minutes to get to the bend in the road Bella had crashed in. And when they did, she told Charlie to pull over.

"Bells..."

"No, show me?" Bella requested. She needed to see where the car had gone. And though it was snowing, and absolutely freezing out, Bella crawled out of the car and leaned against it as she looked over the road. She could see the skid marks in the wet pavement. And the trees that were still broken in the distance from where her car had hit.

Suddenly the memory came back vividly. The grinding sound, the sound of the glass. The squealing of tires. Screaming. And then black.

Bella swallowed as she saw the distance. "Wow… I didn't think we went that far… but I guess we did."

"You flipped into the ditch," Charlie said. It was the fiftieth time she had heard the story – it usually accompanied Renee's crying fests. But it was different when she was standing where it all happened. "And rolled down the hill into the woods. They had to-"

"Yeah," Bella said quietly when Charlie couldn't finish.

They stood there a moment, Renee still in the car. And when Charlie looked at her, she saw the moistness in his eyes. "Dad..."

"I've never seen Paul so focused than he was when he got here," Charlie admitted. "He just grabbed my keys and drove me to the hospital." Bella chewed on her lip. "He's a good kid."

"Yeah," Bella said quietly. "He is."

Bella stared at the snow covered ditch for a while, until the chill began to work past her flushed cheeks and clogged throat. She nodded. "It's cold." And she slid back into the cruiser, Charlie shutting the door once she was safely tucked inside. And when the car started again, and they headed further towards La Push, Bella felt the safety of La Push engulf her. It was always safe on La Push. It was always a place that she could go to be protected. It was always a place that she could go if she needed someplace.

La Push was always home.

And the Beach House… Well, it was most welcome of all. A bed to call her own.

"Now, this is only temporary," Renee was saying as Bella got out of the cruiser. Charlie offered an arm for her to lean on, and they made eye contact, both rolling their eyes at the exact same time. "Once you're able to, you'll be all warmed up in Florida."

Bella didn't have the heart to tell the woman that she was going to be staying in Florida. The doctor's expected six months of physical therapy until she was able to walk normally. And use her hand that had been shattered. She still couldn't use her fingers right. But they promised it would take time.

A shit load of time.

And it was all time that spent in Florida would just delay. It was best to stay in Forks, where her doctors knew everything about her injuries.

While her school had already put her on academic leave, she would have to transfer if she was ever going to finish her studies. And she needed to call Hayley and Stephanie. She needed to do a lot of things. She already knew her apartment had been moved out of and all of her stuff was at Renee's.

Her room was the same as the one she had claimed the summer before. Only instead of a view of the ocean, she had a view of the snowy beach and the frozen waves.

"I'll tell her tonight," Charlie said quietly. "Why don't you get some sleep? It's been a long day."

"Thanks, dad," she said quietly. He gave her a smile, and then left, shutting her door behind him.

And Bella slipped off to sleep as soon as her head touched her pillow. For the first time without a wolf by her side. Bella hadn't even seen Sue when they arrived. Maybe she was doing something for the Pack? She'd have to find her tomorrow. And then find Sam.


	15. Szechuan and Lavender

Renee didn't take the news lightly. In fact, she had been so offended by being told that Bella was going to be staying in Forks until her side healed, that she had booked a flight to go home. Renee was always a flighty one – a dramatic, and over emotional one.

And so three days later found Charlie, Sue, and Renee driving up to Seattle to take her to the airport. Bella offered to stay at home, and to sleep more. She was sleeping a lot, whenever she wasn't at her therapy classes in Port Angeles. Charlie and Sue would be staying the night in Seattle before driving back down in the morning. A date night.

Bella would have the house all to herself.

Until there was a knock on the door in the middle of Jeopardy. “Door's open! But if you're some intruder, I have the police on speed dial!” Bella called. It opened slowly. And a bag of food jutted through the crack, before a head appeared.

“Please tell me you aren't armed, too?” Paul spoke. Bella shot him a grin, but kicked up her feet.

“Is that food for me?”

Paul shrugged as he shut the door and as she stepped closer she saw that it was from one of her favorite restaurants in Port Angeles. “Charlie called. Sent me over to make sure you didn't fall and weren't able to get up.”

“I'm not eighty seven,” Bella insisted. But she took the bag as he handed it to her, sitting down on the couch beside her. She could see everything she liked inside.

“I was in the area, and I picked it up. Charlie told me what you usually order.”

But she doubted Charlie could much remember that. Not after nearly four years. She would eat it all the time, though, while she was in high school. With Jake, with her friends, everyone that would come with her to pick it up. She practically lived off of it. “Thank you,” Bella said warmly. “Really… Did you get yourself something too?” It looked like it, but she wasn't sure. “Because, if you did, you can eat with me, please? I don't want to eat by myself in a house too big and too cold.”

He jutted his chin towards the bag. “If you touch my Szechuan, you're eating alone.” Bella pulled out her food, setting it on the sofa beside her, and tossed the bag back to Paul. He caught it easily.

But the chop sticks weren't going to work. She could tell as she tried to stab her chicken. “I know you just took your first bite and it's heavenly, but instead of having to spend twenty minutes like a grandma walking to the kitchen...” Bella trailed off hesitantly. “Could you get me a fork?”

Paul stopped chewing on his food, glancing up at her. And she gave him a hopeful smile. “Please?”

The sigh was apparent. As his whole chest heaved and he set the food down, his chop sticks atop it, and shot her a glare. “You're so needy.”

“Hey, you showed up here,” she returned. But he lumbered to the kitchen, found the forks with ease, and passed her one. “Thank you,” she said simply. He fell onto the couch with an oomf and began to eat once more.

“So, what? You don't need to be fed, either? Need someone to blend it into a smoothie before we give it to you?”

Bella shot him a half-hearted glare. “Was that an old lady joke?” He shrugged, as if he wasn't going to admit it was or not. “That's it. I'm giving the pack one joke each. You just cashed yours in. Have a hard time when I really start walking with it, and you'll have to bite your tongue.”

“And what happens if I say them anyway?” Paul challenged.

Bella gave him an innocent look. “Oh, well, that would just mean that that's one more event you invite me to that I say no to.” She took a bite of her chicken, chewing it thoughtfully. “It would really suck if there was a bondfire you wanted to take me to. Or a restaurant.” She gave him a look. “Or… do you not think of me like that?”

“Fuck, are you suggesting a date?”

She shrugged. “You imprinted on me, not the other way around. Don't imprints date?”

“They… bond first.” She raised an eyebrow and he elaborated with a one armed shrug. “Get to know each other before the relationship-y stuff happens. I don't know, shit…” He stared at her as he took another bite. “Are you asking me on a date?”

“I thought you liked me?”

“But that's different from…” Paul glanced back to his chicken. “Yeah… I guess. I mean… Yeah, I do but...”

“Well, I've seen you almost every day for the last week and a half I've been awake.” Paul snorted. “And you've been sharing my bed for most of it. I think a date is the least a girl could offer before things get all out of order and messed up.”

“Doing what?”

Bella shrugged. “This is nice,” she said kindly. He glanced down at the food in his hands, before glancing back at her.

“This? You consider this shit a date? Don't girls want fancy places and dress up games?”

“Now, Paul,” Bella snorted. “If I was expecting some role playing, I would have at least gotten the walker out.” Paul growled, but she could see he was amused at the innuendo. “I'm good with just sitting in, watching a movie and eating take out. I don't want anything fancy. In fact, I really don't like it unless it's for something special. I know we aren't like… dating or anything, but we are getting to know one another. Afterall, you know my favorite food now.”

“And you know mine.” Bella smirked, proving a point. And he shrugged.

“Alright, I'll bite.”

“Don't dogs always bite?”

“Fucking dog jokes, really?” Paul ground out.

She let out a peal of laughter, and he tensed slightly at it. Like she was laughing at him. “I couldn't resist."

He sighed. “I better not regret this, Swan. Fine… I'll count it.”

“Count it?”

“As a date. This.”

She shot him a smirk. “Yeah?”

He took a deep breath, an angry one that was obviously annoyed. “For fuck's sake, you're really annoying, you know that?”

“At least I don't shed,” Bella pointed out, shoving another forkful in her mouth as Paul shot her a glare. But he glanced back to his chicken, taking a bite. He still seemed tense, as if waiting for everything to explode. “You know,” she began, hoping to ease some of the tension. “I'm not going to pass out or anything. You don't have to look like you're waiting for me to start spurting blood.”

Paul swallowed, and she could tell he didn't exactly chew that piece of chicken, as it seemed hard to get down. "Sorry... I just don't know what you last remember."

"I remember... a phone call telling me to come here. A road trip. I was sick, and in Sue's restaurant. And then trying on dresses and stuff for Angela's bridesmaid bit. And going to get some drinks in Port Angeles, and then that's it. The wreck and the screaming of Angela."

"So you remember everything, but nothing with me in it,” Paul said flatly.

Bella hesitated. Maybe she should have just said the accident? "I guess so. Which I find really weird, but the doctor says that it's normal and memory should come back in a few months." He nodded. "But I meant it. I'd like to get to know you... Not whatever past we had."

"Yeah sure." There was silence. And they ate.

It wasn't until she moved onto her rice that she tossed him the remote. “Pick a movie. You're a really quiet date, you know.”

“Thought you didn't need anything big.”  
  
She shot him a grin. “Just pick a movie, James Dean.”

“Who the fuck is that?” Paul snapped.

Bella giggled. “Google it sometime.” She tugged a blanket from the back of the couch over her legs, and propped her feet up so that the warm food rested on her stomach.

“Is he a fucking idiot?”

“Well, he's dead, so that might qualify,” Bella admitted. “But, no, in fact he was killer with the ladies.”

Paul brooded in silence for a while as he picked out a movie. Some cheesy action film with too much war and not enough dialogue. It was perfect. “Was he a fucking bad ass?”

Bella felt a smile light up her face as she took a bite of her food. She waited until she stopped chewing to answer. “Oh, yeah.”

“Good.” Bella glanced at him to see he looked rather smug. Good. Maybe he needed it – the ego booster. It wasn't until the movie was over that Bella began to feel the ache in her side from her muscles being used again. She groaned as she moved her leg, and Paul tossed the rest of his food into the empty Chinese bag, for their trash.

“Do you hurt?”

“I haven't used these muscles in a few months. I feel like I just ran a marathon, and my body hates me for it.” She ran her palm down her side, trying to kneed out the ache, but it didn't work well. Instead, she just sighed in disappointment and fell back onto the couch, glancing to him. “Now I understand why you guys run a hundred and three and sleep after patrols. Don't you guys ever hurt?”

“After the first few months, we're built up enough that we're used to it,” Paul said slowly. “You need anything? Do I need to call your doctor?”

“I might run a bath later,” Bella admitted. “But I'm fine, thanks.” She just didn't feel like moving.

So later would do nicely.

Paul shifted, as if conflicted. “I can help… you know, starting the bath and shit.”

Bella quirked an eyebrow. If he wanted to see her naked, there was going to be a strict no on that. But he looked like he was running through things in his head a mile a minute, and he kept glancing to the hand that was rubbing her side like he had been the one to cause her pain.

As if he blamed himself for the accident.

Fuck, he didn't… did he? She hoped not. Because it wasn't…

“If you want,” Bella said at last. “But you aren't going to be seeing me naked.”

He shot her a quick, and sleezy grin. “Don't need to. I know what you look like in a bikini. It's close enough.”

“Eugh!” She threw a clump of rice at him and he dodged it, getting to his feet and moving out of the way as she threw another one. “Creep!” she called after him. He ducked into the bathroom with the big tub and she heard the sound of water starting, and closed her eyes, leaning back into the couch.

Who the hell was he? He was acting like a prodigy… Like he was freakin' God's son or something. She didn't think the change would be this extreme. She thought maybe a few comments here and there, but not… this was really different from any Paul she had seen.

Shit, Sam was right. He had worked really hard to be someone that people could live with. Shit…. It made her feel worse for lying to him.

“Paul?” She opened her eyes to see him poking his head out of the bathroom door, his face alert as he waited for her to tell him something important – like it was okay if he joined her. In his dreams. “I know you think the accident was your fault...” Paul's expression closed off. “I don't know why, but a deer ran out onto the road. That wasn't your fault. That's just… this danger magnet I have.” He glanced away from her, his jaw clenched. “Please don't blame yourself.”

“I know you don't remember, but I said a lot of awful things to you that made you want to go out that night. So, yes, by default, it's my fault-”

“But you didn't cause the accident-” Bella insisted, trying to make him see some reason.

“I made you want to go in the first place,” Paul snapped harshly. But almost immediately, he squeezed his eyes shut, taking a deep breath. His anger melted from him, and his shoulders dropped. It was the most amazing thing Bella was sure to have ever seen. Holy fucking shit. What was that? “Sorry… I… Sorry.”

She had to say something. “Sam mentioned you got angry. Jake and you warned me plenty too-”

“A lot,” Paul bit out, still irritated it seemed, but not angry. “At every fucking thing.” More irritated with himself. Shit… She didn't mean to press him, or spark something. She just wanted to make sure he understood. “Your bath is ready.”

Bella heaved herself to her feet, setting her container of leftovers on the table, and she winced slightly as she balanced just enough to grab the stupid walker from the side of the couch. She shot him a look, to deter him from making a joke, but he was staring into the bathroom with his jaw clenched tightly.

“I've got to get clothes,” she pointed out when he stood in the hallway, blocking her path.

“I'll fucking get them,” Paul muttered. “Just get in the bath.”

He was already moving towards her bedroom, getting whatever he wanted to, she guessed. And instead of the more revealing clothing she knew was in there – she was going to a wedding for God's sake. She packed to attract – he placed some sweats and a sweatshirt on the countertop. Probably the opposite of what he wanted her to wear, she was sure, but something warm.

She tugged at the sweatshirt she was wearing, pulling it off of her head and throwing it to the floor. “You know,” she began as he moved to walk away. “You haven't really called me a mean thing since I woke up. And you're probably one of the best snugglers I can remember… So, I say that whatever you did call me, wasn't that bad.” But with the sweatshirt off, she could smell something. The bath had some of those bath salts Sue kept out for decoration in them. Lavender. Woah… That was… nice.

“I made you cry a lot because of what I said,” Paul admitted. “And it was really hypocritical, because I'm a lot worse of when it comes to… you didn't deserve it. I was just being a massive dick and I shouldn't have been. And I'm such an asshole-”

“Woah,” Bella said, turning around to face him. Her fingers had been in the water, testing it out. Really warm. Nice warm. “I never said-” she began, but he cut her off.

“Yeah… I know, but you probably should have a lot more than you did.” Shit… She frowned, worriedly, but Paul shrugged and moved to grab the door handle. What the hell happened to him. “I just want you to know that I'm sorry, for what I called you… You aren't… a whore or anything. I just… call people names a lot. Because it makes me feel… I don't know, better or some shit.”

Shit, she wanted to hug him now. She wanted to slap his agonizing face. “You called me a whore?” But she had to keep this up. She didn't need him to phase in the door of her bathroom. “I've only slept with like a handful of guys. Two because I drank, and they drank...” Bella glanced at him. “When did you call me a whore?”

“A lot of times. But… I think the final straw was when you were trying on wedding dress, you know, for fun or whatever you girls do… You were messing around, asked if I'd elope with you in Vegas… And I called you a whore.” Bella swallowed. Oh, yeah, she remembered alright. “I… I didn't mean it. It was sort of a reflex and… I don't think you're a whore. I really, really, really don't.” That was a lot of reallys and each one had more emphasis than the first as he stared at her. God, who was this man? He was breaking her heart just to listen to. “And I'm sorry.” His voice cracked as he said it and he gripped the door handle tightly, as if reminding himself he had been leaving.

“Stay with me tonight?” Bella asked. His eyes shot up and shit… they looked a little wet. Was he about to cry? Please, please don't cry. “You know, like you did at the hospital?” She attempted to look sheepish. “I don't want to be by myself. Charlie or Sue are usually home but they're in Seattle so...”

“I'm not… sleeping with your anything.”

Bella's eyes widened. “Shit, I never said-” She snorted in amusement. “I'm not sleeping with you, Paul. Besides, the doctor's say no physical intimacy until I'm cleared for it. You've got four more weeks before you convince me that's a good idea.”

He raised an eyebrow. “You would … want to sleep with me?”

Bella shrugged. It had been her plan, after all, when she came back from Florida. “You aren't exactly a bee hive, I'll give you that.”

“What does that mean?” he asked carefully, like it meant everything to him.

She glanced over her shoulder as she smirked, grabbing the hem of her shirt. “It means I'd let you fuck me sideways if the doctor said it was a good idea.” Her eyes looked him over. “Or upside down, or backwards… Maybe right side up if I felt forgiving.”

“Fucking hell… This isn't funny.”

She met his eyes and grinned. “Who said I was joking? Close the door, will you? The steam's going to get out.”

The door nearly slammed shut and she waited until she heard his footsteps leave before she let out a giggle, shedding the rest of her clothes before carefully lowering herself onto the lip of the tub and practically spider crawled in. Oh, it felt absolutely heavenly on her sore muscles. After spending a minute sighing in bliss, she opened her eyes to see that all of her shampoos had been moved to the rim of the tub so that she could reach them. And the tub was beginning to fill up with bubbles galore.

She reached to turn the water off before it could overflow.

She doubted he would stay. He was probably eager to get home after spending the evening with the leech lover, but after the water turned cold and she felt more relaxed than she had been in ages, she pulled the drain and eased herself the same way over the side to help her get out. She reached for the towel and pulled it around her before she grabbed the sweatshirt and pulled it on, not really caring for a bra. He hadn't gotten her one anyway.

Bella doubted she had the dexterity to put it on.

Next to follow was a pair of panties – underwear she knew meant he went into her good underwear drawer full of all sorts of interesting items. But they weren't the best ones of the bunch, and they certainly weren't grannies. Just a thong that made her roll her eyes. Of course he would pick that. The sweatpants were old ones from freshman year of college, boys size and fluffy.

And socks. Oh, bless him for remembering socks. The tiles were cold enough and she slid them on, before opening the door, using the walker to help get her to the room just a few feet away.

She was surprised to see him sitting at the foot of the bed, tugging off the shoes he was wearing. There was snow falling outside, and the windows did little to keep the room warm, but Paul was like a space heater in his own right. She gave him a warm smile.

“Nice thong.”

He smirked. “Yeah, I thought so.”

Rolling her eyes, she pulled back the covers to the bed and slid into them. “I didn't think you'd really stay.”

“Do you want me to leave?”

“No… No, this is nice,” she admitted. She pulled the covers up. “Besides, it's freezing in the winter here. You're warm. It's a good solution to the problem. Probably my favorite solution.”

“Fuck, you really are a needy bitch aren't you?”

Bella found herself laughing, throwing one of the pillows on what would be his side of the bed at him. “You didn't have to stay, dickwad. Now, are you going to be keeping me warm, or do I need to radiate some heat to warm myself?” He groaned and moved towards the back of the bed, pulling the covers back. “Thank you, Paul,” she said quietly as he sat down. “Really.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Paul muttered. “Fucking unappreciated for my good looks. Just my movability-”

She laughed, and when to grab his pillow, when he stopped her. “You're such a brat.” But when she laid down, feeling the warmth of his body already making under the covers warm, she had no complaints. Not even when he turned towards her on the bed, and she felt him move her hair off of his pillow – though it wasn't as long as it used to be since they butchered her head.

She reached behind her, grabbing his arm, and putting it around her waist. It was all the permission he needed to get closer and keep her warm.

It was all she needed to feel like it was summer again. To feel like she was in high school. To feel like everything was going right for once.

He had a life other than just being with her. So she would hang out with Jake and Angela some evenings, sometimes Sam, Emily, and his kid would come over and they'd play Jenga. And sometimes, Paul would show up with some take out and a movie and they'd curl up on the couch and watch it, all the while muttering things under their breath about one another. Either that he was an attention-starved mutt or she was a granny with a cougar complex. She let him get away with the granny jokes.

Only because he brought food.

And kept her warm on the nights he did stay.

But she couldn't go Christmas shopping, which really bummed her out. So instead she had to bribe whoever came over to get a list of gifts for her, and she'd give them whatever baked good they desired. Leah agreed to get stuff only if she got brownies.

Jake was harder to please. He needed not only brownies, but also her Grandmother Swan's Christmas cookies. She had glared at him, but reluctantly passed him the paper of things she still needed. He shot her a grin and a quick kiss to the cheek, before whistling on his way out.

They were all mongrels. All of them.

She just couldn't believe Christmas was a week away.

She couldn't believe she had been asleep for six months.

She couldn't believe Paul actually wanted to have dinner and a movie with her.

What sort of Christmas miracle had been wished?

 


	16. Goosebumps and Sweaters

Her present from everyone was her car. Not just any old car, not even her rusted Lassie from high school. It was her car. The very car she had almost died in, looking brand new. She had cried when she saw it, and she ran her hands over the front of it, where she knew the deer had pummeled it. "Thank you so much," she insisted.

But it was what was inside that made her heart practically explode. Little presents. Things like gift cards, an old lady wig- to which she glared at Jake – clothes, she desperately needed winter clothes. And even a series of movies to keep her occupied when she was alone. But it was the two living humans that made her really start to cry. Hayley and Stephanie. She hugged them both so tightly, she was sure they would suffocate, and didn't let go until she started to feel cold.

And then she turned and hugged every single person there, young and old, before they all went inside, out of the cold, to where dinner was served. The meal that they had all practically slaved away making. Bella had done the baking, Sue and Emily the actual meal, and Kim and Sarah had the little snacks.

It was a gourmet meal. And Bella got the scoop out of everything Stephanie and Hayley had to offer for their senior year, including who was dating who. Bella learned that Boyfriend had hit the road not long after the accident. They had their own apartment closer to campus. And that Hayley was now working at Sea World part time in transition for full.

Bella had missed them immensely. She hadn't realized how much.

"Are you staying for a while?" Bella asked.

"We're heading to New York for New Years, on the way back. We're going to try to get into Times Square." Bella felt her eyes widen in surprise.

"Really?"

Hayley grinned. "Yeah! Life's short, you know? And after the accident, well… we've decided we've got to do as much as we can. Besides, we'll go next year, once you're all better."

Next year. It seemed so far away now. "Yeah," Bella said, doing her best to give them a warm smile. "Let's."

But they were all moving on.

As everyone left, and her and the two Floridians crashed on the couch watching cheesy Christmas classics, it grew late, and cold. Bella curled up in a blanket, in the corner of the couch, with Hayley and Stephanie both clutching a pillow on the opposite ends. And soon they fell asleep, but Bella couldn't.

How could she sleep when she had been asleep for six months?

There was a light knock on the door near midnight. At first she wasn't sure she heard it, until she listened for a second, and heard it again. Hesitant, as if they didn't want to wake anyone up… as if they didn't want to be let in in the first place. Bella wasn't sure what made her convinced it was Paul, but once she convinced herself she couldn't shake it. And she untangled herself from the covers, grabbed the ridiculous walker, and moved as quickly as possible towards the door. It still took a few minutes.

She opened it and a big gust of wind blew some snow to show her Paul, in a short sleeve shirt, but not looking affected by the storm in the slightest. What she wouldn't have given to be a wolf in that moment. She must have shown him some surprise because he held up a hand to show a small wrapped present.

He brought her a present? "Come on in," Bella said quietly. "You missed dinner. But we have some left overs."

"I ate," Paul muttered. She shut the door behind him and followed him to the couch, careful to avoid Stephanie's feet. Paul glanced at the two girls worriedly, but sat beside Bella in their usual spot – the corner of the couch. She tucked her legs under her and barely had a chance to breathe because suddenly he was pressing a present towards her.

Bella took the wrapped present carefully from Paul. It wasn't very big, but she knew it had been something he had put a lot of time into. Mostly because of the way he was shifting nervously. Like he wasn't sure what she'd say. She had been careful to learn these cues when she was in high school. It was how she knew if he was close to phasing or not, or if something would trigger an episode of rage. "Your old one… uh, was a bit worn out. And I thought, you know… you'd probably like a new one. I can take it back if you don't like it-"

"Paul, I'm sure it's great." He went silent, and she chewed on her lip as she purposefully used her left hand, trying to get as much strength back into it as possible, to open the present. It was really well wrapped. It was… like professionally wrapped. "Did you wrap this yourself?"

"Er… yeah." He gave her a shrug, like it was nothing. "I've learned over the years how to unwrap a present and then wrap it back up again so that I knew what would be inside." What a dork. That was something she could definitely picture him doing. She shot him a grin, and he flushed slightly, as if embarrassed. She adjusted herself so that she could set it on her lap, and she tugged at the wrapping again, particularly hard, and it opened the present. A book fell out. Or rather, a book revealed itself.

Her breath caught in her throat as she read the title. And she felt tears prickle her eyes. It was probably one of the most romantic things she had ever gotten. Not because of the actual book, but because of what it meant to her… to them. "Wuthering Heights?" she whispered, almost in disbelief. She glanced up and Paul winced.

"If you don't like it-"

"Paul, this is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me." He raised an eyebrow, and she glanced back down to the book, her fingers tracing the foil cover. It was cloth, but the foils with the typography were absolutely gorgeous. She had never seen this edition before. It must have cost a lot. It was so beautiful. "Thank you." She had never said the words to him more heartfelt than she had in this moment. She glanced up and set the book aside, hauling herself forward and pulled him into a hug. He stiffened slightly. "Thank you."

"Er… you're welcome."

She pulled away, and she gave him a small smile. "Will you read it to me?"

He started. "What?"

"Like… like you did in the hospital, I guess," Bella continued self-consciously. "You know? Just…. You don't have to, but… if you'd like..." He glanced to the book on the couch and back to her hopeful expression.

"Fuck…" he muttered under his breath. "Sure, why not?"

She gave him a warm smile. "Really?"

He took one look at her, before giving a nod. "Yeah… Sure."

She just wanted to see if he'd do it. She didn't think he'd actually… But he was serious. He settled down in the couch, waiting for her to settle herself, and then he grabbed the book from the pile of paper, tossing the wrappings behind the couch to be picked up later. And she decided to be bold. She grabbed a pillow and sat as close to him as she could possibly get, her head resting on his shoulder as he opened the book. He glanced to her strangely, as if it was weird, and then glanced back to the book. "It's fucking weird that you're awake for this."

She giggled, but was secretly glad that he hadn't pulled away. "Remind me to give you your present. It's in my closet." He said nothing. Her legs curled up under her, and she leaned more into him, his fire hot skin keeping her warm in the chilly living room, and she could hear the sound of Sue's obnoxious Christmas music playing in the background. He propped up his legs on the coffee table, and the book rested on his knee. And then he began.

His voice was quiet, but he read it steadily, and his gaze never left the pages, though she knew he had most of it memorized. She could tell by the way his eyes followed the words, but barely took them in. She watched him more than she looked at the book. And every time she would glance at him, his lips would twitch so slightly that she was almost certain they hadn't at all. And he kept reading, barely stopping between breaths, but he read. And he did so so well that she found herself being lulled to sleep.

She wasn't sure when she fell asleep, she just knew it was on him. And that the reading never stopped. Not until the book was finished.

She woke up to the sound of a vibration. She didn't even realize that the room was empty – that Hayley and Stephanie had woken in the night and left them alone. She hummed, reaching into her pocket for her phone, without really opening her eyes, and pressed it to her ear. "Hello?" But the vibration didn't cease. And it wasn't the phone at her ear. She could definitely feel it now, against her thigh. And her eyes popped open as she realized she wasn't alone. She was laying on Paul, who was tucked into the corner of the couch and snoring slightly in his sleep. The book was digging into his stomach, tugging at the cotton shirt he was wearing. His phone lit up in his short's pocket. She carefully slipped her hand inside of the pocket, so as not to wake him, and pulled the phone out. Sam.

Probably something important, she'd venture. So she answered. "Hello?" she asked groggily.

There was a moment of silence and then, "Bella?"

"Hey, Sam… Uh, sorry… Paul's passed out on my couch, but the phone woke me up so, you know… I answered it because I don't think he noticed-" She stopped herself from rambling and hesitated. "Do you need me to wake him up?"

"Uh… no, you know what? I'll call him tomorrow." She glanced at the windows, to see that it was still dark out. "It's no big deal. Just tell him when he's up that he owes me."

Bella frowned. Owed him for what? "Alright. I'm sure he'll be pissed, but I'll tell him."

"You two… didn't sleep together, did you?"

Bella felt her eyebrows raise. "Uh, not that that's any of your business, but no?"

There was a moment of silence. "Okay, good… Just, you know, making sure you're being careful with your injuries an all." Bullshit.

"Doctor said not for another three weeks. And uh… all that happened was he read to me." She cleared her throat. Maybe that was a bit too much information. Paul probably didn't want Sam to know that. "Right, I'm tired. I'm going back to bed. Talk to you tomorrow, Sam. I'll probably see you around if you drop the kids off for the day."

"Yeah… See you tomorrow." And he hung up. She set the phone on the coffee table, next to his sprawled legs, and glanced to Paul. He hadn't woken up. He was still breathing deeply with the occasional soft snore coming from him. She gently plucked the book off his lap and then snuggled back up to his side. His arm had somehow ended up around her waist. On top of the fabric, sure, but dangerously close to her backside.

 _What an asshole_ , she thought with a smirk. And she closed her eyes, and fell back asleep.

The next time she woke up, it was because her pillow was vibrating. Not like a phone vibrate either, but annoying and growling vibration. She groaned against the warm entity and opened her eyes. "Stop growling, mutt," she muttered under her breath. And then she realized who she was laying on. And what she had just said. Shit. She jerked herself upright, gasping in alarm, and saw Paul snorting back laughter as she stared at him wide eyed, and then she noticed that they were alone. Stephanie and Hayley were no longer on the couch. "What?"

"Some things don't change," he said with a shrug and held up his arm, that had previously been around her shoulders and back, she knew, to change the station on the tv with a remote that looked like a toy in his large hand.

"What?" she asked.

"You called me mutt."

"Oh… sorry?" She wasn't sure if he was offended or not, but by the look he was giving her, she was venturing not too offended. "I don't know where that-"

He shrugged, stopping her from finishing. "It's good. Like old times."

"Why were you growling?" He rolled his eyes and focused his attention solely on the tv.

"I just do sometimes when I get lost in my head. Nothing to freak out about. I'm not going to hurt you."

She didn't even hesitate before she poke. "I know you're not." She realized that she probably looked dreadful and ran her hands through her hair to try and make her look somewhat decent. "What time is it?"

"Ten. Your friends are hanging out with the twins."

"Right… The imprint they have, right?"

He glanced at her sharply. "Wait, you fucking knew about that?"

Bella glanced away from him quickly, shrugging. "I figured it out, I think. I don't know." But she quickly changed the subject. "Are you really going to watch QVC?"

"You're such a bitch." But the words weren't hateful. She could tell that almost immediately. They were grudging, reluctant. And almost like he was trying to remind her of something. Trying to help her remember who they were. God, he was breaking her heart.

"Whatever, mutt." When she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, there was a small smile on his face. And she couldn't help but grin in return. Maybe some things didn't have to change between them. Maybe there was no need for them to.

She settled into the couch for a few minutes, before leaving to go to the bathroom. And when she was finished, she went to her room and dug around in her closet for a minute before she pulled back the present. She knew he probably wouldn't come to their get together at the house. She didn't know if he had family he had spent the holiday with, or if he had done patrols, or what, but she knew he wouldn't show up for dinner. So she had saved it for later. But present in hand, she hobbled back to the couch.

He was laying down now, on his side, and a few pillows stuffed under his shoulder. As she sat down, his eyes popped open. "Wake up, sleeping beauty," she smirked. She slid the present towards him. "Merry Christmas."

"I didn't think you had actually..." He stopped himself, as if filtering. Paul and filtering was a feat in itself. "Thanks."

She rolled her eyes. "You could at least open it, you know. I had to."

He cleared his throat, pushing himself off of the pillows and into a sitting position, before he grabbed the package. And he tore it open. He wasn't particularly gentle about it either, like she had been. And he paused as he read the lettering. "A shirt?" Bella chewed on her lip to stop from smiling. He glanced up at her, but she was staring at the package, waiting for him to actually open the damn thing so he'd read the note. He seemed to take the hint and he pulled the shirt out, seeing that there was actually a lot more in there. A DVD – the 1994 version of Wuthering Heights, and about four different sweaters.

"There's a card, too," Bella admitted, nervously as he just stared at the contents. "And… I know you don't get cold or anything, but… it's really an entirely selfish reason I got you them. I … I don't know, if you ever wore them or even if you didn't… something to hold onto if you go on patrols or something ridiculously dependent and sappy like that. You smell good." He glanced up sharply at the last sentence and quirked an eyebrow in question. "And… the movie was really like a gag, sort of, you know? Like, a way to see into my head while I was asleep so you know exactly what was playing on repeat…"

"So you want me to wear them and then give them back to you so you can be warm and smell me?"

Bella huffed. "You don't have to make me sound like I'm hopelessly desperate to have you stay with me at night, you know. I'm not. I can totally fall asleep on my own."

He smirked. "I never said anything like that."

She rolled her eyes. "If you don't want to do that, i'll just take them back-"

"And the t-shirt?" Bella glanced away innocently. "It's not going to be winter all the time, you know."

"Is this how you ask someone to spend the night?"

"No, this is how I ask someone to leave me things to cuddle with, when I'm cold," Bella returned. She crossed her arms, falling into the couch seam and hoping that it would swallow her up. "I don't know… I really didn't know what to get you and I didn't think you'd get me something so… meaningful and… I don't know."

Paul's grin vanished and he glanced down at the small box in his hands. "Thanks, Bella… I'll be sure to wear them and give 'em back."

She flushed. "The card is the real present, mutt." She huffed. "If I could walk, I'd retreat to my room and die in a hole there, but I don't feel like trying to start walking again, so you'll just have to picture me huddled in a hole and moaning in despair."

"I didn't think you wanted to moan in despair with me around. At least, that's not what you were saying the other day."

Bella shot him a smirk as she glanced up, the embarassment forgotten. "Maybe one day, James Dean."

He dug around until he found the card, setting the box aside and leaned back down onto the pillows, ripping it open to read it. "Dear Paul. Thanks for everything. Words aren't enough to tell you how much it means to me that you're doing what you can to help, and not being annoyingly overbearing about it like Emily or Jake or Angela. Stay furry? Really? You wrote stay furry?"

"If you're going to criticize what I wrote, I could easily just get Jake to wear the sweaters and be done with you all together," Bella returned, though it was playful, and not at all serious.

Paul rolled his eyes. "But Jake doesn't have the musk du Paul." Bella couldn't help but giggle, silently agreeing. "Thanks, Bells."

"Yeah, whatever," Bella said quietly. She crossed her arms and propped her feet on the coffee table. And suddenly he was reaching towards her, sliding her across the sofa towards him.

"I do mean it," he admitted.

"I'll think about forgiving you once that sweater gets some good use."

"I have plans of putting it to a lot of use," Paul admitted. "Mostly while you're wearing it, though. Preferably with it being the only thing you're wearing." She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye to see that he was watching her with a wolfish grin. "But I don't think you'd wear it for too long. Depends on the day, I suppose." She glanced back towards the tv, her smile peaking out no matter how hard she tried to keep a straight face.

"Is that so?"

"I might have to go out and get some more sweaters, so you have one for every day of the week-"

"You're evil."

"Born and bred."

She chewed on her lip. "How soon will the six weeks be up again?"

He snorted. "Probably the middle of January."

She sighed. "I need to start a count down… And you better have those sweaters at the ready."

He shot her a grin. "I better? Should I plug the nearest store into the GPS today to get them?"

Bella just shoved his shoulder, but let him keep his arm around her. He was warm, and though she was feeling warm herself, her skin still had goosebumps on it. Goosebumps only he could give her.


End file.
